Hi sweetie,
It?s been a nice couple of days. The weather has been beautiful and Elfie is gone so things are a little back to normal. I had a limo pick her up; I figured it was worth the money because then I wouldn?t have to drive all the way to the airport and back in heavy traffic and then go to the ball game. Elfie, I thiink, was disappointed but I told myself: be selfish. I have been running around a LOT lately and I?m really worn out.
As it was, Elfie and I walked for an hour down at Jones Beach and got to relax and talk. I think I might have disappointed her because I?m not as chatty as maybe she hoped I would be. I don?t know?I only can talk about stuff I feel comfortable about and it?s just not in me to stay up until the middle of the night anymore.
On the way back home, Elfie wanted to stop and take pictures of just about everything! I had a really bad moment as we went over the bridge on Wantagh Parkway: a Monarch butterfly got stuck under my windshield wiper. I was horrified. I knew if I moved the blade it would kill the butterfly so I pulled off the road onto the grass. I was sure it was dead and I was really upset. As I reached for it, though, I saw it free itself and fly away. Oh, I was so relieved I nearly cried!
Last night rocked! We went to Allen Park for the championship game of the Over-the-hill league. They raised funds for us, $2,500 which was really nice. They had a homerun derby and then the game itself was to start at 9. At first we were sitting over to one side and I was just enjoying the night air and thinking how much you would have enjoyed it too. It was a good old fashioned ball game with free refreshments, not like pro ball at all. Well, then one of Kristin?s classmates found us and took Kristin to her teacher from last year, Miss D. She came over to me and hugged me and then brought me to where the other parents were sitting and so I could meet the guys who organized the whole thing and some of the politicians. They are such nice people.
Just before the game started there was a moment of silence for the guys from Farmingdale who were killed at the WTC. I was introduced and the girls and I went up on stage. I wasn?t sure what to say but when I opened my mouth I thanked everyone for their generosity and I told them you would have enjoyed being at the game because you love baseball. I also told about how Billy got Bud Harrelson to sign your mitt at the Ducks? game last year (your birthday). I felt warm. I said I would like to think that you and the guys who died were all up there together watching. I think that went over pretty good. Then I just settled down to enjoy the game.
I also enjoyed chatting with some of the other people and I could see that the kids were having fun. It felt really good. All night long they were raffling stuff off but then there was this one prize they wanted to give to me and it was because of what it was and what I said?an autographed ball from the 69 World Series?signed by Bud Harrelson!! It was like fate?or you?set that one up!!
We were there until 11 and then we came home and we were all wired. And all of a sudden the printer turned on and damned if it didn?t print out your picture!!
I thought I could feel you last night! Sometimes I thought I felt you today. I took Billy and Kristin bowling. Later I went and met Jane R (interpreter coordinator) at a diner to talk and catch up.
I don?t know if I feel numb about this or accepting or just that I love you, I always will and I know you loved me. Maybe knowing that you are not hurting anymore helps me not hurt so much?I just don?t know. It?s just been an awesome two days Rich and if you were there to enjoy it with me well, then, I?m sure that?s all the more reason why I had such a great time.
I love you, my darling,
Me