Hi Sweetie,
Elfie is still here and so I have had little to no computer time for writing to you or emails or anything else. I miss it. I miss talking to you. It?s nice to have Elfie around but it?s also difficult and draining, too. I feel bad that we haven?t done more sightseeing but she didn?t seem to want to. She says she is content just to relax and talk. I also may have disappointed her by not staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning to talk but I?m just not capable of that anymore. I can?t worry about that part of it. I have the kids and the job to worry about first.
Today I?m finally back at work. I actually started back yesterday but right away I had to run upstairs with Erica, who is doing her internship with a law firm. That was really boring. I?m glad I brought a book with me to read.
After that I went home. Elfie had gone into NYC for the day so she wasn?t home when I got there. I laid down and went to sleep for a little while. Billy woke me up when it was time to go to the bowling alley. He and Kristin were supposed to bowl on the PAL (police association league) from 4:30 to 6. At some point, I was supposed to go pick up Elfie, drop the kids back at home and go for my bereavement group. Well, Elfie missed her first train, which meant I?d have to leave the bowling alley to get her at 5. Kristin went into hysterics (she?s been acting like a real baby lately, regressing to behaving like a 2 year old at bedtime) and decided she didn?t want to bowl at all. Billy was struggling. I have to take them bowling more often to practice. It was embarrassing. He kept throwing gutterballs, the poor kid.
Heidi is taking Zoloft now. I hope it helps her. She?s only been on it a couple of days. Elfie and Heidi get on pretty well. I think Elfie was a little worried that I might feel jealous of that but I don?t. I think that anything that helps Heidi would be great. The girls are going to bereavement camp on Saturday.
I started my own group last week. I might have had time to write about it; I don?t know. This time two guys joined the group and it was okay. I didn?t feel too uncomfortable with them being there. One fellow, John, lost his wife in January or February of 2000 and it?s taken him this long to decide to come for help. He has one son and a daughter, 21 and 22. His wife died of kidney cancer?and toward the end SHE was doing better, too ? it?s not fair. The other guy, Joe, has three kids, 16, 13, and 10 I think he said. His wife was killed in a car accident. Kathy was back?her husband died of a brain hemorrhage and then there was me, talking about you.
It was good to talk to these people. Two of us, John and I, arranged for cremation. The other two had their spouses buried but haven?t been to the cemeteries to visit. I felt bad for John because he planned to scatter his wife?s ashes on a beach in South Carolina but her relatives guilted him into giving them the ashes. He wasn?t comfortable with splitting them up. I talked about my confusion about what to do about you, that you didn?t want to be at home but you didn?t particularly want the cemetery either.
See you later, my love,
Me