Happy Birthday, my darling,
Did the balloons surprise you? I hope you liked them. They were more beautiful than I thought but I?m really sorry that tying the flowers to them wouldn?t work. I ordered a blue rose, Heidi got a blue carnation, and Kristin had a lily but they weighed too much and kept the balloons from rising. But we all wrote notes to you and most of the balloons sailed into the trees, gradually freed themselves and went on to the heavens?I?d like to think.
It was a busy day. Last night was difficult. I had a couple of really emotional moments, missing you, and Kristin and I were lying together in bed. Suddenly she asked, ?When it?s after midnight, is it the next day?? and I said yes, and then I added, ?Yes, it is Daddy?s birthday.? She hugged me and I told her I was okay. And then ?I Hope You Dance? came on the radio and I?d just added it to the web page. I thought, Rich sent me this song. There were a couple of other songs that came on right after, and I thought: Rich is sending me these songs.
Today I picked up the balloons, the flowers and shopped for the things we needed for the barbecue. Robin and Dan, Nancy, Cheryl, Elyse, Scott and Jessica all came, and Heidi?s friend Sharon came over too. Some of us went to the pool for part of the time and then Dan and Scott dragged the picnic table over. Billy did an excellent job with the burgers and hotdogs, you?d have been proud?again.
After dinner we let the decorated the balloons and then sent them off, and I cried. They looked so beautiful and I missed you so terribly. Kristin ended up not sending her balloon off; she wanted to keep it. That was okay with me?I can understand why. She cried really hard, too, missing you. I held her; Nancy, Robin, and Cheryl all put their arms around me. God, it hurt so much not to have you here. I love you so, Rich, I hope you can feel how much I really do love you and miss you.
We had a cake for you (I?m sorry, butter cream :P but there just wasn?t any whipped cream available. It had blue trim on it, balloons, and the words ?Here?s Looking At You, Kid?. Robin suggested singing happy birthday but I just couldn?t. Everyone stayed until about nine and then they all left. But we?ll all get together again.
Oh, how I wish I had you here today. I want to hold you again, touch your face and have your touch. I miss you so badly, Rich. I don?t think I?ll ever get over missing you, my darling. I love you forever?.
Always yours,
Me
Widow Support Board:
Today, Rich would have been 41 years old.
I had a rough time last night. Today I'm on auto-pilot. I invited a bunch of
people to come over for a barbecue today. I got 15 balloons. We are going to
release them later. I ordered a cake that says "Here's Looking At You, Kid"
on it.
Tomorrow, Rich's brother and sister and their families are coming over and
we're doing something similar.
I'm just sitting here now waiting for the guests.
I think Rich is here in spirit, but I want him here in his skin.