Dear Rich,
Yesterday I saw the butterflies. There were about three, four, maybe five of them together lighting on the clover behind the house. I saw them at the pool, two, about two of them, and I saw one the day before. I am really having a very hard time though, damn it! Why did you have to die? Who is going to grow old with me and retire with me now? I didn?t want it to be with anyone else.
And now you are not there to help me with Heidi. She is so mean and vicious I can hardly stand her sometimes. She hits and claws Billy and Kristin. Last night she got into Kristin?s journal and tore it up, Kristin?s letter and story to you. Nothing I do or say seems to matter to her. She just feels that she?s always on the short end of the stick, no matter what we do for her or how we try to accommodate her needs.
One of the people here at TRI said I need to find a consequence that works with her and then use it but I haven?t had any luck with that. Nothing seems to faze her.
She?s complaining that her tonsil still hurts. I took her to the doctor on Friday?she has an infection all right and has been taking the zithromax but it doesn?t seem to be working for her. I called the doctor again to get her prescription changed. Meantime, she?s crying and carrying on because she didn?t want to go to the camp. Well, I wasn?t about to let her stay home?not after what she did.
What in God?s name am I supposed to do? Why the hell did you have to leave me?
Oh yeah?and if that wasn?t enough, I posted this on the WN board:
I need a little perspective on this and hope you guys can help me out.
Rich and I moved into a really nice townhouse with a great school district, convenient shopping, transportation, etc. Problem was the landlords. When we came from MD we told our realtor that we had a cat and he said no problem. We put the security deposit down on the house and then when we signed the lease they were like, oh, here's a rider too...and the rider said NO dogs or cats. We were furious but we really liked the house.
Have had little to no contact with these landlords in the almost 2 years we're here. The lease is up on Oct. 31, and Rich and I agreed we'd like to stay...and then he died on May 23rd. I paid my rent in May and then with the June rent, I sent a letter explaining what happened to Rich and saying I'd like to stay on, could afford to, liked the schools, etc...and heard nothing until last week when Mrs. Landlord called while I was at work. She left a message with Heidi asking if we were okay, she was sorry, and she needed to talk to Mr. Landlord who was still out of town. So I called back and acknowledged the message.
Yesterday, I notice the floor outside the bathroom is wet. I don't see any leaking or anything but I assume it's the toilet, shut off the water, called a plumber and called a left a message with the landlord. Later, Mr. Landlord calls back and talks to my son, doesn't even ask for me, and leaves this message: you take care of it, it's in the lease, and oh, we'll work something out for continuing to rent.
I was really pissed. I looked at the lease (hey what widow of 2 months would even THINK to do that?) and all it says is: "Tenant must take good care of the unit and all equipment and fixtures in it. Tenant must, at Tenant's cost make all repairs and replacements whenever the need results from Tenant's act or neglect..." I thought: that doesn't apply...
I call Mr. Landlord back and leave another message saying you know, I've been really dealing with A LOT since Rich died, never occurred to me to look at the lease, what on earth did his message mean, maybe my son got it wrong? Please *ask for me*!!!!
So he calls back and is really nice and says he and his wife were so sorry to hear about Rich etc. As for the plumber, it's on me and I said, why? It's the plumbing, we didn't do anything to it. He says, well, you know how kids can be...so rough...and I said uh uh no way and then he says, "Well, your husband WAS a big man..."
I nearly blew then.
I just bit back my words and said, "My husband has been gone for eight weeks."
Mr. Landlord says, "Well, let's see what the plumber says."
The plumber took one look and said contemptuously: "Oh, an American Standard toilet. They use the cheapest material they can find. Sometimes toilet can be one year old and the gasket goes." I asked him to write it onto the receipt.
I don't know if the landlord will reimburse me for this and I think I was rooked. Now I don't want to live here anymore. Am I over-reacting?
Oh and Mr. Landlord said, don't worry we won't throw you out (how nice); we'll go on renting to you, we'll work something out (sounds very vague to me...lease?)...I was too upset and tired to ask about it at the time and now I'm just too darn mad.
I also told the SOB about the loose tiles. He said he wanted to come and see it for himself. Yippee?something else he can blame us for.
I hate all of this. None of this is easy. Is this what you were talking about at the last reading when you said it would all work out eventually?
I am SO angry. I had to cover my nose and mouth with my hands and take some long slow breaths. That helped a little bit I guess but I feel unstable, very volatile. I probably shouldn?t even be here today but what am I going to do? We need the money.
Will try to write later,
Love,
Me