July 23, 2001
The people on the board are here for you.
Rich's birthday is coming up on August 4th. I am having a rough time myself
and I'm hoping that good memories will help me get through it. I was going
to have people come over for a BBQ and release balloons into the air.
You don't owe the jerk trying to ask you out any explanation. You don't
really owe anything to anyone--your feelings and actions are your own
business. I am wearing my wedding ring too. As far as I am concerned I AM
married.
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((((((Steve))))))
Let's campaign to drop Wednesday from the week. I count Wednesdays too. This
Wednesday is #9.
Some of the numbness is wearing off and Brian is right about the roller
coaster. Sometimes the numbness is suddenly not there and it's like that
ride where the floor drops out from beneath you?
I used to get through the day because I felt like I was in an Alfred
Hitchcock movie or an episode of Twilight Zone. And I was just waiting for
the filming to be done so I could go back to my "real" life.
Now it's different because when stuff happens it hits me that *this* is the
new real life, kid, no going back.
It bites.
**************************
I needed to vent. I could not believe what I found in the mail today.
I sent the forms back to Rich's company weeks ago for the insurance policy
and the H.R. person, Judy, sent all the paperwork to The Hartford. When I
didn't hear anything, I called her and she soon called back, upset and
apologetic. They claimed not to have received anything and she was faxing
them the forms but they were demanding an original certified death
certificate. Judy gave me the Hartford's address and I sent it overnight
express with a cover letter. I was very unhappy looking at the certificate
because it was just so 'cold'.
I looked at it again today ... in the envelope I opened from The Hartford.
Out came my letter with the death certificate and on a plain piece of paper,
the claims support associate wrote my name, my address and knowing full well
(if she read my letter) that I was the widow, addressed me as To Whom It May
Concern: and informed me she was returning everything to me because "we have
no claim on file...You must send the attached death certificate to the
employer...We will not be responsible to hold this. Thank you for your
cooperation in this matter."
Hey, at least she thanked me.
I called Judy and she was horrified. She said she'd call me right back and,
I assume, got on the phone to this insensitive idiot. Meanwhile, I learned
what keening is. I heard this weird noise, sounded partly like a cry and
partly like screaming and realized, hey, it's ME making this strange noise
and I'm crying with missing Rich and wanting him and being pissed at him all
rolled up into one.
What I felt for the insurance company claim support associate is unprintable
on this list. I mentally went through every single disgusting curse word
you can think of relating to body parts and acts and other evil stuff and
then decided I was going to write a polite letter to her and her boss and
let her know how much I did NOT appreciate the way they handled this. I'm
making a copy to send back to the boss and to my husband's company as well.
Judy was so upset that she was also calling their representative to discuss
dropping that company and going with another life insurance company for the
employees. Rich's company is demanding that the Hartford pay on the claim
immediately--they acknowledge receiving the faxed copy of the claim and
didn't have an adequate explanation for returning the death certificate to
me. I said to Judy, "Ya know, the CEO of the company came to Rich's wake.
HE could call the Hartford and say, 'Yeah, I saw the body. Richard is
really, most sincerely dead.'" We got a ghoulish laugh out of that. :P
Right now I'm in the mode that Rich says he admired about me--DFWM, which
goes for The Hartford and Mr. and Mrs. Landlord, too
************************
I love to talk about Rich, thanks for starting this thread, Flo. I sent part
of this post to someone else so I'm cheating a little. I met Rich at work in
1983. It was a part time summer job for me. I was a telephone interviewer
for a market research company and he was a quality control editor. I was
just getting out of a bad relationship (on the advice of a radio show
psychic believe it or not), Rich was not "my type" but he was a nice guy,
nice smile, witty...the other thing I remember is very thick glasses. Most
of the time when I saw him he was slouched in his chair so I didn't realize
how tall he was (six five then), Anyway, a bunch of us would sit together
during break time and more often than not, Rich and I ended up in the same
group of people.
One night I finished up the last call of the evening and went to the parking
lot and about jumped out of my skin when I heard him call to me. He'd been
waiting for me to come out because he wanted to ask me out and was too shy
to ask in front of people. I said sure, I'd like to go out with him but I
was usually very busy (duh). He said, okay, I'll give you my phone number
and you call me when you're not busy. I went home and thought about it a few
days. Like I said, I had shaken off a guy I was very physically attracted to
but was bad for me. I'd called in to this radio talk show and was the last
caller of the evening. Gave the psychic my birthdate and the guy's and he
said I'm sorry, he's no good, break it off. I see you meeting someone later
and becoming involved in the fall, someone you wouldn't expect to fall
for...etc.
So I felt burned by this other guy and at the same time, I thought--could
Rich be the one? He's not "my type"!!! Still, he's nice and fun to be
around...what the hell...let's try a date, what's the worst that could
happen? So I called him. And we went out for the first time Oct 1. I thought
he was about 25, he thought I was about 25. Truth--I was 28, he was 22.
One thing we loved to do was watch old movies. One night 'Casablanca' was on
and I invited him over to watch it with me. He said he'd bring Chinese
carryout and futzed around in my kitchen fixing our plates. It seemed to
take him forever just to put the food on plates! Anyway we watched the
movie, it is SO romantic. And during the scene when Rick and Ilsa are in
Paris Rich gave me a fortune cookie and was after me to open it, so I did to
humor him and what was inside was a little slip of paper that said "Will you
marry me?"
I still have the fortune cookie and the message, it's sealed up in a jar. I
thought maybe he'd gotten the people at the restaurant to put the message in
but no! He'd gotten their fortune out and slipped his message into the
cookie without breaking it! Ah, he was so romantic...
******************
((((((((Nac5Mom)))))))))))
I'm sorry you are here, too, but I'm glad you found this board. It helped me
so much to come here and post and read the posts.
People here will give you the hugs and support you need...they did for me.
My husband died suddenly on May 23. He had a heart condition but he'd been
stable for 13 years, was hospitalized for atrial fibrillation (the
cardiologists didn't seem to be worried, his follow-ups were fine, the tests
looked good, he was feeling better)...but we (I) didn't see it coming. He
was my best friend, my life. Four weeks later I was still numb and feeling
like I was dream walking.
Just this weekend the reality has begun to set in. Feeling numb was easier.
I have three kids, 14, 12, and 9.
Please come back as often as you need to. There is an email list, too, from
WN. I belong to it and the people there are supportive too, many of them
post here.
I found that visiting the board, the list, and another site for widows,
www.groww.org has helped me cope, and I hope it will help you too.
**********************
July 22, 2001
I don't know if this is going to work or not but I thought I would try to
face the first special date head on. Rich's birthday is August 4. He would
have been 41. I invited friends to come over for a barbeque. I am having a
dozen or two balloons inflated with helium and getting magic markers and we
can write messages on them. Then we'll let them go.
I am hoping it helps us.
If nothing else, Rich will get a good laugh out of it...
*******************
I feel jealous of couples my age. I have already distanced myself from a
couple of friends (not their fault) because I can't stand to see them
together, holding hands, kissing...enjoying what Rich and I should have been
enjoying.
No one else has died by me but I have a feeling I would not feel jealous
about that.
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