July 18, 2001
Hi sweetie,
I notice I don?t always sign off with you. I guess it?s because I?m not sure if I?m through for the day or not.
Eight weeks today. It?s funny how I measure time now in how many Wednesdays have passed. I thought I might start feeling more but I?m about the same. I went into a bereavement chat last night for people widowed under the age of 50, and several people there told me the numbness wore off around 4 months. One person said it was just wearing off and it had been about 2 years!
Heidi and Kristin didn?t want to go to camp, as usual, but I dropped them off anyway. Tough, I figured. Billy called once to tell me that the cable was out and then again to ask for a loan for a skateboard. A skateboard! And the psychic said you were talking about skateboards! I told him not to call me at work about that and figure out how much money he?d need to borrow. He was also talking about special shoes and I began to feel a little put upon. Do these kids think there is a fountain of money flowing from somewhere?
I started out today thinking that I knew exactly how I wanted to start off and what I wanted to say, and it?s funny how things get away from you sometimes and you end up with something completely different. I was going to talk about how I knew exactly when each of the kids was conceived. Maybe later?