I can?t find my watch; you didn?t hide it on me, did you? I hope I didn?t lose it at the pool. I remember bringing it along when we went and I wonder if I dropped it on the way back. Today it?s been five weeks, Rich. I?m still full of Novocain or something. I don?t feel anything very much but people tell me that it?s normal. I still have this irritable ?this is not the way it was supposed to happen? feeling sometimes.
The men are still paving the lot. If there?s one thing to be glad for it?s that you are spared this aggravation. If you?d lived I would drive through the cones to be able to drop you off close to the house because they haven?t even put the new top down by us. I think they will today and this afternoon the stuff might still be damp and wet so I don?t know. At least you don?t have to walk. You were in so much pain most of the time.
I was talking to Connie last night, my friend in New Jersey. When you were in the hospital last month, she was emailing a friend named Karen who asked what exactly was going on with you. Connie explained all the problems you were having and Karen wondered if you?d even be around in five years. I look back on the last year or so and I can see so many signs. That?s why I was so worried about you and wanted you to take better care of yourself. I didn?t want this.
Heidi is watching Ashley for the first time today. I have to have more work done on a root canal and I?m hoping that I will be back in time to help her meet Ashley or walk her back to their home. I think Heidi will be okay. Heidi and I still clash but I think we?re getting on better than we did before. I asked the girls if they felt like all this was a dream. Heidi put her head down a little and nodded ?yes? and Kristin said one time she came down the stairs and thought she heard you snoring but was disappointed to find out you weren?t there.
I often wish for communication from you?anything. The last time I felt you were communicating was when the balloon came into my face. I?ve asked you to come to me in my dreams and maybe you do. I can?t remember my dreams. I?ve asked to remember them. I want to remember. My friend Helen in Rochester said she was going to send me a book by John Edward that explains how to become more open and receptive to ADCs.
I also haven?t heard from Helen since she wrote to warn me away from The Bereavement Journey. I thought she had some nerve doing that. If she doesn?t write again it?s okay with me because I don?t like being preached to. I also don?t like her comments about your friends Bob and Marlon and whether they are ?saved?. She tells me she asked you, ?Are you saved?? and you answered, ?I hope so.?
I wish she hadn?t done that to you and I wonder if that?s what got you started wanting to go to church. Sweetie, my belief is that if we accept Jesus as our lord and Savior then we are saved. And while I might quietly talk about how I feel to someone I certainly am not going to go out and twist anyone?s arm to go to church and I?m not going to try and talk anyone into converting from Judaism to Christianity.
Current events: one day recently a mother in Houston, Texas drowned her five children?all of them. She seems to have been suffering from post-partum depression and maybe she is even pregnant again. She had four boys 2 to 7, and a six month old baby girl, Mary. She and her husband have a lot of Christian things around the house. Maybe they were born-again? I don?t know?I thought maybe they were Mormons and that?s why they kept having kids even though the mother had a really bad case of post partum depression after her fourth son was born. She was on Haldol and she tried to commit suicide.
It?s horrible the way things happened here. She drowned the three younger boys and then went for the baby. The oldest caught her at it and tried to run away but she caught him, struggled with him and drowned him too. Then she called the police and then she called her husband and told him he?d better come home.
Rich what an awful thing and on some level I think I could understand what she must have been feeling to be all alone in the house with five small children and no support. Her mother said she was always trying to help everyone else. Well, didn?t it occur to anyone to help HER? The police said when the father came home he became hysterical and yelled at her, ?How could you do this?? Well, where was he when she was falling apart? And apparently there were signs she was deteriorating, especially after her father died.
The police asked him if he?d like a drink of water and he replied I?ll bet you can?t find a clean glass in the house. They looked hard and almost didn?t until the mother directed them to a china closet. Then she was handcuffed and taken away. I wonder why she was taken off the haldol she was on? She must have been very mentally ill. I feel sorry for her and even sorrier that those poor children died the way they did, at the hands of a loving mother. You might disagree with me on this one, or maybe you won?t, but I don?t think this mother should be held criminally responsible. It?s pretty clear to me that she was insane.
I wonder what you would have thought. We talked about things and we disagreed and I think we had trouble talking about our differences of opinion because we tried too hard to convince each other that we were right. We had some royal disagreements and that was unnecessary too. All we needed to do after a certain point was just say, ?let?s agree to disagree??