Good morning, my love,
I meant to write to you everyday but it was just too painful yesterday. I didn?t sleep well, didn?t get to bed until almost 3 a.m. I added more pages to the new website. That helped a little bit.
I think it was just emotionally painful more than anything else. I met with my financial advisor and we began discussing the money and making plans and people to contact and stuff like that. We met at the Massapequa Diner, which I thought would be okay until I arrived and sat down to wait for him. Then I realized how many times we?d been to different diners in the past and suddenly it was almost like I could see you sitting across from me like you did so many years ago. That hurt. It hurt talking about your assets. When I came home I was so worn out I went to sleep for a while. When I got up and began to make dinner, I started crying. I missed you, missed your presence, your voice, your comforting arms.
I went online and dealt with this crashing hard drive and I thought to myself, why should I bother with this damn computer? And then I thought, but Rich is not here. I should have spent more time with him?
What really got me was when I went to the message boards. It only takes one in the crowd and this one has had a grudge against me for a long time. Well, she?s back and left an ugly message.
I decided: no more Dark Shadows fan lists or public boards. I?ll stick with the 200 club (yours), the Bereavement Journey, ParentsWithTeens and a few others that I am almost sure this nut does not belong to. Friends tell me not to let the troll stop me from posting but you know what? It?s no fun anymore anyway. I am not getting any pleasure from it.
We?re going to the church picnic today. I?m not sure how long we?re staying. I?m bringing a camera in case we take pictures. I thought we should try. I?m really going to try and have a good time. Later I?ll take the kids to the pool for a dip. I won?t go in because I have my period but I?ll take a shower later. Might pick up something quick for dinner or maybe we?ll be so stuffed from the picnic we won?t need to eat.
I love you so much my darling. I miss you. I?ll write you again later.