About 1:10 a.m.
Sweetie,
I want to believe that it was you that S channeled to me. Some things she said, I thought, yes, that could be Rich. She said you came through so fast?you?re still earthbound a little bit, she said. You haven?t become adjusted yet to where you are but it sounds wonderful?the ability to have the free time to learn! She said you were a ?fascinating? energy to be near?that you were very intellectual, intellectualizing everything. That sounded like you. She said you seemed shy and that there was still a great deal of emotion?sometimes you would say that you are happy where you are now and other times you?d express grief, missing us?
Oh God, how we miss you Rich! And yet I was comforted by the fact that you wanted it to be this way. You didn?t want me to see you die, that it wasn?t pretty, you said. You said that you knew it was going to happen on a subconscious level and preferred us to find you just as if you were sleeping. You said you could see me sleeping on the bed.
There was some pain, maybe, not much and then you went fast, you saw your mother and angels?
The only thing was, it wasn?t as PERSONAL as the channeler?s message got in "Ghost"?or as John Edward can get. So sometimes it felt right, but other times it didn?t. I was hoping you?d make a reference to ?Casablanca? or something so that I would KNOW for sure. Still, I was comforted. I want to believe this.
Billy got on the phone too. I think he was skeptical because of the reference to talking to him and being surrounded by books, like in a library. Billy thought that you might have brought up the Ducks game you took him to but it could be that the books meant something different. Not a library or a bookstore but that you?re both very smart.
Tomorrow we?re going to church; we?re going to see your grandma. I?m going to get this dumb hard drive fixed once and for all. And Kristin?s going to sleep in our room. I just can?t be alone there right now. It?s too lonely without you; I don?t know that I could fall asleep. I?m trying to go on. Nights are the hardest.
Actually, now it looks like Heidi?s going to sleep in the room with me too. You know, the girls have been grieving more openly recently.
I can?t work on my stories. Nancy, Robin and Cheryl came to see me yesterday and I was so glad to see me. Nancy brought me a signed David Selby poster but I was like eh?it?s just not the same without you. YOU are my true love. It?s YOU I miss. I saw a picture of you with your van dyke beard and I just wanted to cry because I couldn?t scratch at it.
I love you so much. You said you?d always be with me, that you?d try to come to me in my dreams. I would welcome you; I wish I could feel you more.