Hi sweetie,
The kids are still sick. :( Kristin has a temperature and threw up a couple of times. Billy and Heidi just seem to feel icky. We all went to talk to Roseanne today. I think it helped. She was moved to tears. I almost was too but I guess I?m just too numb. It can?t be that I?m accepting of all this. I don?t know.
People at work are great. There is this one lively, friendly teacher there named Gay. She gave me a big hug and she offered to bring food, which I really appreciate for nights when we?re running late or don?t feel like cooking. And I also told her the socialization would be good for me and the kids, too, so I?m hoping. She seems like such a nice, warm person. They are very nice at TRI?just like the people at NPD. Claire forwarded some emails to me that came from Davis. They?re all devastated over there, too.
I did some practical, necessary things today. I talked to a banker about investing money to help it grow?for the kids, for me, the future. And I need to talk to a lawyer about a new will for me. Just stuff like that?
And I talked to Cheryl. You know what? Her father died the same day you did! She?s been having a really hard time. She couldn?t bring herself to call me or visit us at the funeral home but I emailed her about getting together on Friday. She called and talked a long time.
Helen called too. I was probably a little bit jealous when you guys started to correspond but now I see it as a blessing. Helen has a heart of gold too. I?m still glad that I got you but I am happy that you and Helen were able to have closure and were able to become friends again. And about church? I called up Pastor Smith at St. David?s Evangelical Lutheran Church here in Massapequa Park. I don?t know if we?ll like it but we?re going to try. I know you wanted to try a church and we?re going to do it.
I was just sitting here thinking that this reminds me a little of ?It?s A Wonderful Life?. Did you have an idea that you had such a positive effect on people, Rich? So many people loved you. It makes me feel good that you brought joy and pleasure to people and that you helped them so willingly and patiently. What a wonderful man you really were! I am only beginning to appreciate the full extent of that ? I had the narrow viewpoint. I know what you meant to me. I know how you went out of your way so often to make things more comfortable and easy for me ? oh, how I will miss you, my love!
There was a journal prompt today?What guises have blessings taken in your life?
Well, there?s Rich?you are definitely a blessing in my life. My life took a totally different direction once I met you. Like I said, I was sure I wasn?t going to marry. I didn?t think I?d want children. I feel blessed that we found each other again in recent years. We did have some hard times, didn?t we? But you know what? I wouldn?t change any of it if it meant I?d have to give you up. No, I really would not.
In my mind, I?ll imagine that you are here and I will put my arms around you again, feel your arms around me and I will say, ?I love you with all my heart and soul, Rich.? And I?d love to hear you say again, ?do you have any idea how much I love you?? Oh, Rich, I love you the size of the universe, and more than that too. Goodnight, my darling.
All my love