It was the trip from hell, Rich!!!! We are finally here in Kingsland, GA again. It's really a GOOD thing I didn't try to make Santee because we didn't roll in here until about 9:00. It's too late to try to call Teddy (plans with him Sunday), Barbara (overnighting w/her tomorrow night) or Jean (stop & visit) to tell everyone our plans are upside down. Gotta do that first thing in the morning though. Tomorrow night we're going to stay in Florence, SC which is about 300 miles from here. I would've loved to have been able to stay in Santee again but it's just not going to work out that way.
You would be kicking your ashes all over in frustration, ha, today because, first of all, we slept in a little again and second, we packed the car, ate a late breakfast buffet at the Radisson and then went to the pool for a couple of hours. We left Orlando around 2 p.m.
At first, everything was fine. There wasn't too much traffic out of Orlando, and we didn't hit a problem until we got to I-95. I'm not sure what happened--maybe it was an accident or two or maybe it was just that everyone was heading back north TODAY. Anyway, the first 60 miles of the trip was fine, the last 119 to Kingsland was a bloody nightmare. It's a good thing I called ahead to make a reservation, too, because when we finally did get here the lady behind the desk was already turning people away because they were totally booked up.
I had such good intentions of calling Teddy, my friend John (he lives in Rock Hill, SC) and Jean Rosenberg in MD. Who knew it would take seven hours to travel 250 miles? It shouldn't have! It took us about half that time going down to Florida.
Well, on the up side, I feel really good about what I was able to accomplish, Rich. You know, I've been thinking of you a lot over the last couple of days. I remember good times--like when we went to parks in the summer time when we were dating, or to the movies or out for Chinese food. I remember us making love skinny times and fat times. I remember your face very close to mine as I was in transitional labor--you were the bestest coach, Rich! I remember the look on your face as you held each of our babies, and I remember how you used to look at me or take my hand and hold it.
It seems unreal sometimes. I remember you so well sometimes and other times I feel upset because I've lost the sound of your voice. It doesn't seem possible that a year has gone by ... it will be a year in less than 2 months. Somehow I've survived a year without you and I don't know how it's possible. I guess that's one reason why I'm feeling pretty good about this accomplishment.
Just imagine, Rich, me--with my major panic attacks! I drove over 1100 miles to Orlando. I was at Universal Studios and at Walt Disney World! And I drove it, all by myself. I went over all those bridges, and some were kinda unpleasant surprises, too.
I thought a bit about Teddy, too. I realize that I'm sort of latching on to him out of a deep need to love someone and be loved. I wondered if it would be possible to love Teddy as much as I loved you. I don't know, sweetheart. I thought for sure that you are my soulmate. I don't know if I could love another man the way I loved you ... but do I need to? I don't know ... help me out here, okay? Give me some advice, either in a dream or some other way.
I love my warm memories of you. I guess you're about to be canonized, my love, because as much as I know you had your faults (and so did I, let's be honest here) I tend to overlook all that now. I remember more of the goodness that was in you. You were a wonderful, sweet man, Rich. I wish I had told you more often.
I'm sleepy, babe. I'm going to stop now and just say here's looking at you kid, and I'll always love you,
your
sweetie