Hi Rich,
I sit here trying to type straight while totally spaced out on drugs ? the legal kind. It seems I am hypersentive to a cough medicine (tablet) Dr. D gave me. It?s called Duratuss and the directions say not to give it to people who show ?hypersensitivity or idiosyncrasy to its components, to adreergic agents, or to other drugs of similar chemical structure. Manifestations of patient idiosyncrasy to adrenergic agent include: insomnia, dizziness, weakness, tremor, or arrhythmias.? Well this is the first time I?m taking it that it?s causing a problem. I had insomnia last night, was wide awake and restless until after 1 a.m., woke up before 6 and then I took another one this morning around 8 and I?ve been flying since. My hands started shaking and I could feel my heart racing so I looked at the box and read what I just wrote. So I am not taking this anymore. Left a message for Dr. D.
Nancy K wants me to go out with her and Cheryl. I understand what she?s doing but I wish she would stop doing stuff like this. I don?t really feel like going to Long John Silver?s late at night. Originally we were going to get together early in the afternoon but I remembered I have Scouts and Ashley here until 7. So I let them know and said I?d meet them. Nancy said might be better to come for dessert, which I liked better. Then Cheryl says maybe we can go shopping for computers and Nancy adds on she and Cheryl can do that and then go back to set up Cheryl?s computer. Then they might go and eat?and Long John Silver?s is open until ten. Ten??? I go to bed at ten now! Maybe I can talk them into a diner? Geeeeez?.
I realize I should be getting out and around more and that the reason I?m not is because I am depressed. Sometimes I feel like I?m watching myself acting out a role in a movie or something, that this isn?t real. Some day I?ll wake up and this will be just a long bad dream. On the other hand, I know the reality is that you?re really gone. I have the urn here to prove it. It FINALLY arrived! Anyway, according to a little pamphlet I have, this yearning I have is still a form of denial. I am having a delayed grief reaction. I still refuse to think of life in terms of being without you the rest of my life. It?s too hard to take it and I won?t do it. I guess that?s not helping me any, huh?