Hi sweetie,
Would you believe it? All the kids are sick again! Today is a gloomy kind of day and there?s nothing I would like better than to just curl up with a good book ? but I don?t think that?s going to happen. Already Kristin is restless?
Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at the dr?s office again because Billy got worse and complained his throat hurt. Dr. D gave Billy zithromax to take?and gave the same thing to Kristin too just 3 days ago?anyway we saw Dr. Mike and he looked at Billy. He told me Billy?s ears, sinuses and throat were all flaming red. He gave us augmentin for Billy to take. He told me that they were finding that zithromax was ineffective in about 30% of kids with infections, so I asked him if he wouldn?t look at Kristin too. So he did and sure enough, there was pus on her throat too!
I woke up in the middle of the night, I don?t remember if it was Valentine?s Day or the day after, but it felt like I was being awakened and when I opened my eyes I heard Celine Dion?s ?Because You Loved Me? come on the radio. Right away I smiled and said, ?Thank you, Rich? because I really thought it meant you were there. Do you remember when I emailed you the lyrics and you said you thought they were so beautiful you cried? Well, I wrote you a letter the day you died and I took those lyrics and tucked them into your pocket.
And on Friday, your urn FINALLY arrived. It?s lovely and it has your name and the dates on it?and I?d also asked the craftsman to engrave ?I?m everything I am because you loved me? on it ? from the very same song. I thought yes, Rich, you ARE here, aren?t you? Now I just need to go back to the funeral home and ask them to transfer your ashes to the urn and then we?ll bring you home where you belong. I know you never wanted to be in the house, thought it was morbid, but you also didn?t like the idea of a cemetery, never visited your mother?s grave?I would probably do the same thing and I just couldn?t. I?d rather have you here and on special occasions we don?t have to go to some depressing cemetery. You?re not there anyway, your soul is free now.
I still miss you so much.
I saw Dr. R and I don?t know if she can help us but it?s worth a try. We?ll also start seeing the dietician.
The kids have this week off. I?d planned to paint the house but can?t if the kids are all sick. Maybe just some heavy duty cleaning?
I love you still,
Me
PS The day has been just full of ups and downs. Heidi came back from her camping trip and was all out of sorts and we had a huge blow out. I couldn?t get her to listen to me and was on the verge on panic and rage. What if I couldn?t get her to go upstairs? But finally she got up and went upstairs and I called my friend Nancy S, crying my eyes out and feeling like a real incompetent fool. Nancy had some good ideas?I thought I would try it and see if it works. One idea is to email Heidi and invite her to email me back. Another was just to talk to her. So I talked to her and it was much better but I?m also going to send her an email?
God I miss you so much.