Hi Rich,
I?ve been too out of it to write even to you. I haven?t been doing much writing ANYWHERE. Yesterday I blew up on one of the lists I belong to because yahoo, which hosts the lists, has been inserting Valentine ads in all the posts. This is what I wrote:
If I have to look at one more fucking "he loves her he loves her not show her" with a bouquet of red roses I am going to SCREAM. Here I am politely trying to get through the 14th and I have yahoo shoving these friggin flowers in my face HA HA NO FLOWERS FOR YOU THIS YEAR THEY DON'T GROW THEM IN HEAVEN every freakin post. Not every once in a while... Not every other one. Every single friggin post...
so everything's going in the garbage, unviewed.
See everyone on the 15th...
Cheers! :P
Me
What was really weird was very shortly after I sent the post out, the ads went away. I remember wondering at it at the time?and then I heard from another list member named Carol. She wrote me this:
I was sent this by a very dear and cherished friend. When I read how
you felt at the list, I knew this little story was for you. Please read it
all the way through. I know you'll cry, but did you ever think that
maybe Rich was trying to give you roses in the only way he knew how?
> >Subject: Fw: Yellow Roses
> >
>> >
> > > READ THIS!!!! and then reread it. Especially the last part...
> > >
> > > I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in
> > > buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of
> >37
> > > years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet
> > > memories. Rudy often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend
> > > to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to.
> > > I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses
> >in
> > > his hands. Rudy knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with
> > > grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery
> > > shopping was different since Rudy had passed on. Shopping for one
> >took
> > > time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the
> > > meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how Rudy
> > > had loved his steak.
> > > Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a
> >
> > > soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large pack of
> > > T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them
> >back.
> > > She
> > > turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.
> > > She saw me watching her and she smiled. "My busband
> > > loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know."
> > > I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes.
> > >
> > > "My busband passed away eight days ago," I told her. Glancing at the
> > > package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice,
> >"Buy
> > > him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together." She
> >shook
> > > her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package
> >in
> > > her basket and
> > > wheeled away.
> > > I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the
> >dairy
> > > products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should
> >buy.
> > > Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream section near
> >the
> > > front of the store. If nothing else, I could always
> > > fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and
> > > looked down the aisle toward the front.
> > > I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming
> > > towards me. In her arms she carried a package.
> > > On her face was the brightest smile I had even seen.
> > > I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept
> >walking
> > > toward me, her eyes holding mine. As she came closer, I saw what she
> > > held and
> > > tears began misting in my eyes. "These are for you," she said and
> >placed
> > > three
> > > beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. "When you go through
> >the
> > > line,
> > > they will know these are paid for." She leaned over and placed a
> >gentle
> > > kiss on my
> > > cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what
> >the
> > > roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away
> >as
> > > tears clouded my vision.
> > > I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue
> >wrapping
> > > and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer
> > > seemed so
> > > clear. I wasn't alone. "Oh, Rudy, you haven't forgotten me, have
> >you?"
> > > I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was
> >
> > > his angel.
> > >
> > > Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.
> > > (Please read all of this, it is really nice)
> > > This is a simple request. If you appreciate life, send this to your
> > > friends, including the person that sent it to you.
> > > Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings.
> > > Thank you, Lord, that I can hear.
> > > There are many who are deaf.
> > > Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning
> > > light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord, that I can see.
> > > Many are blind.
> > > Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising.
> > > Than you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise.
> > > There are many who are bedridden.
> > > Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost,
> > > toast is burned and tempers are short, my children
> > > are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are
> > > lonely. Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures
> >
> > > in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced.
> > > Thank you, Lord, for the food we have.
> > > There are many who are hungry.
> > > Even ghough the routine of my job often is monotonous. Than you,
> >Lord,
> > > for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.
> > > Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my
> > > circumstances were not so modest.
> > > Thank you, Lord, for life.
> > > Pass this on to the friends you know. It might help a bit to make
> >this
> > > world a better place to live, right?
> > >
> > > A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift.
> > > A friend is someone to treasure. For friendship is a gift.
> > > A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace
> > > and makes the world we live in a better and happier place.
> > >
> > > YOU ARE MY FRIEND!
> > > Now send this to every friend you have and don't forget me.
It hadn?t occurred to me to think of it that way before, that you were trying to send me the roses. That was comforting and then I felt bad because if that?s true then you meant well and here I was getting all mad about it. And the roses stopped coming. I felt so sad about that all of a sudden. None of this makes any sense at all, does it?
There was this Twilight Zone episode that always gave me the willies and that is what I thought of right away. A lonely old woman began to get odd phone calls and it was freaking her out. No one could figure out where the calls were coming from. The operator couldn?t trace them. The voice on the phone sounded like her dead husband and finally in a fit of fear and frustration she yelled, ?Stop calling! Don?t ever bother me again!? It happened that she and someone were out driving one day (maybe they were going to the cemetery) and they saw a phone line going to her husband?s grave. When she got home she picked up the phone and began calling her husband?s name and he said, ?You said not to bother you anymore and so I won?t??
And that was the end of the episode. But I don?t think you?d do that to me. I just wish I was more aware of you when you?re here. I wish I could FEEL you, see you, hear you.
I don?t enjoy anything anymore. The Olympics are on and I don?t watch them. I?m not able to write. My mind just drifts and drifts and I stare at an empty screen. I?m supposed to be learning medical terms so that I can work at home, filling out medical forms. Can?t seem to focus?but hopefully Dr. R will help? Or maybe not?I?m so blah?and sleepy and I have this splitting headache too. :P