Hi sweetie,
Well it would seem I?m not doing so well after all. I had a melt down at the National Center. I was already feeling frustrated and low because work was cancelled on me and then when I went in, the point of contact Kathleen was furious at the agency. Apparently they were having some employer/client practice interviews and there was supposed to be an interpreter there to do it. The terp showed up but through one mix-up or another called the agency and they told her to go home, she wasn?t needed. So Kathleen pulled me out of my program (which was nice & easy) to go do the interviews and then this roundtable discussion. I?m not sure how long that went on, but there were a LOT of people and my shoulder began to hurt like hell.
The next day (yesterday) I figured well, lightning won?t strike twice in the same place so I went in and damned if Kathleen wasn?t there AGAIN at 10, wanting to pull me out and drag me to this other meeting to team interpret for 2 hours at an interview skills lecture. I couldn?t believe it. I was furious. I should have said NO right off the bat and I should have called the agency but I was so stunned that by the time I thought of it I just LEFT. I made an appt for me and Billy to see the dr. Billy was having an asthma episode and my shoulder hurt like hell.
Dr. Dimeo gave me a cortisone shot and we were talking and I suddenly started to cry. I miss you so much, Rich. I try not to think about it but the last couple of days with all the ACOA crap being stirred up?it?s just happening. I asked Dr. Dimeo to hug me and he did but it?s just not the same. It?s not YOU. He talked me into trying paxil. I was surprised because I?m already taking the klonopin and the desipramine but I guess it?s not so effective now. I also wanted to come back and see the nutritionist.
I was crying, too, because I weigh about 240 now and the kids, Billy and Heidi, are only about 10 pounds lighter and even Kristin is over 100 pounds?and how did I let this happen? It?s horrible! I have to find a Y, a place where we can exercise, and I have to try and get us counseling again and in to see a dietician.
I thought I was doing okay, I really did. I miss you so much, baby?
Love you,
Me