Hi sweetie,
I?ve been spending less time on the computer, less time with the lists and the message boards. I worked on another fiction practice piece and got some feedback on it. It needs to be expanded a little more. I just got a little lazy I guess. But I can work on it today. I?ve been trying to do some kind of writing everyday, be it writing to you, or fanfiction or an exercise to help get me started. You know, you?re right, I do know how to write. It?s a matter of DOING it.
Kristin was sick this weekend, poor kid. She ran a temperature of around 104 on Saturday but she?s been better yesterday and today. It snowed on Saturday ? FINALLY ? but not very much and now the snow is just about all gone. Kristin was in tears because it was unfair that she was sick. I guess she saw this as a wasted opportunity to play in the snow.
I got really mad at my dentist on Friday and I?m going to find a new one. I broke a bit of my tooth off, one he?d been working on but never got the crown for. He did the root canal. I couldn?t figure out what he was waiting for. He should have told me he wanted his money. Anyway the receptionist was saying he was busy and couldn?t see me until Tuesday. I was upset and then she mentioned this big bill and I really got mad, sad forget it and hung up. Then HE called, said he?d been nothing but kind to me and hadn?t bugged me about the bill and just generally sounded snotty. Hey I don?t need anyone doing me any favors! If he wanted his damn money he should have said so. So now there is hard feelings and I don?t want to see him. I paid the bill off in full, sending a check certified, and now I?m going to find a new dentist.
Nancy came out Thursday evening to see us and we had to go out and eat because no one felt like cooking. Nancy also brought over all these Jonathan Frid tapes. I sure wish she?d stop doing that because when we got back to Cheryl?s apartment she wanted to pop in the tapes and watch them. I?d seen most of them already and was BORED and just wanted to go home. I did stay one hour, playing on the computer with Cheryl?s daughter, Christina, and then politely excused myself. I have to tell her NO MORE tapes. I think Robin and Cheryl were just being polite but then I can?t be sure. Why can?t we just sit around and talk?
Your aunt Terri called yesterday and it was good to hear her voice. I talked to her for quite a while and I?ll stop over to see her on Wednesday when I go to Holbrook to interpret. Anyway, I found myself comforting her and telling her not to be sad about you being gone, that you would want her to remember you when you were laughing and happy and I?m thinking to myself, what the hell is going on here? I told her about the dream I had about you and about telling your father that you had no grudges and spent a lot of time with him?and she said she felt so much better talking to me. I felt so WEIRD about that.
I thought, why is it that I don?t miss you more? What the hell is wrong with me? Coral says nothing is wrong with me. She says I know that you are with me and that you?ll always love me. That?s it, partly. The other part is, well, I am pretty sure I am taking the thought of being alone and setting it aside. Well, why not? Why deal with the future now? That?s not a bad thing, is it?
I don?t want to think about forever without you, Rich. It already FEELS like I?ve been without you forever. You know what? It?s going to be about 8 months this week. I can?t believe the time has gone so fast. Somehow I?ve survived the holidays without you in your skin, but deep down I know you are here with me. I know you love me. I still love you, in spite of any hard times we had. There was the basic, tender core that was YOU and that is who I?ve loved all this time. That?s who I want to write about. I?m getting there.
Love you always,
Me
P.S. Em sent this to me. I thought it was beautiful?
There is a journey awaiting you.
It comes in truth and promise . . . . when you reach the point of not
knowing who you are or where to go.
This most precious but often painful passage is the journey into yourself.
You will travel to places never before visited, where you meet unspoken
fears and unearth buried truths.
You will climb high and perilous mountains . . . . those that rise up from
inside yourself.
You will explore forgotten waters held deep in the sea of your soul.
You will be stranded in the wilderness and find a way through pathless land.
You will be lost before you are found.
You will be empty before you are full.
You will cry the deep sobs of the earth and tears of rain will cleanse the
house around your heart.
In time . . . . because life, like birth and death, knows it's own
time...your fears and struggles and unknowing will be transformed.
You will become a mountain place where eagles soar.
You will become a reflecting pool which sees and knows the mysteries of
your life.
Your heart will be light like a butterfly, as you follow the currents of
its true desires.
The flight of the honeybee will be like yours, as you seek the nectar of
what brings sweetness to your daily life.
Most of all, you will become who you truly are.
Your life will hold truth and promise and meaning.
And the heart of the heavens will hold your heart.
~~~~~~Author Unknown~~~~~