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Dear Rich
Friday, 16 January 2004
January 16, 2002
Hi sweetie,

Yesterday I wrote like a person possessed, all kinds of stuff !K writing exercises, a soap story (exactly 250 words) about us to Soapet, lots of posts to the Widownet board, some fanfiction !K and today I have done little to nothing. It!|s pitiful being such a lackadaisical writer. The exercises are helping me build confidence though. Now I just gotta move my ass. You were right !K I CAN write. Now I have to apply myself.

I have the writing exercise in a separate journal because it has nothing to do with us !K it!|s more about my parents and I didn!|t think it would be good to have you and my parents in the same journal. ?? Here is what I submitted to Soapnet:

!?Don!|t you leave me,!? my husband and soulmate said to me in a choked voice, clutching my hand tightly. His eyes filled with tears and he looked more frightened than I!|d ever seen him before. My appendix had ruptured and we were spending a few last moments together before I was taken for emergency surgery.

!?I won!|t,!? I assured him, and I didn!|t. Instead, he left me although he did not mean to or want to.

We!|d survived already HIS heart surgery, in 1987. He developed congestive heart failure at 27, and the doctors discovered he had cardiomyopathy (an enlarged heart) due to a genetic disorder of connective tissue called Marfan Syndrome. He was stable for so long, I guess we just got used to living with the Sword of Damocles over our heads. At first a doctor told me not to make any "long term plans with this man." Like that? He went on and said don't have any more children, don't buy a house together, he won't be around in five years. So much for the doctor!|s advice !V five years later, I was having our third child and Rich was still in stable condition although he had occasional bouts of !?skipped beats!?.

In April, 2001, Rich fainted; his heart was beating too fast. In the emergency room, I found myself saying the same words to him: !?Don!|t you leave me.!? He didn!|t then and came home. He died on May 23, and half my heart was taken away.

It was really really hard to keep THAT to 250 words, Rich!

Posted by blog/imascribbler at 7:18 AM EST
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