Hi sweetie,
Today I tried the automatic handwriting. I waited for the kids to go off to school and then I turned on the radio. I drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, did that several times, thinking of you and exhaling saying your name. I had the picture we had taken of us at the Poconos on the table with me and I looked at it a few minutes. I felt a little nervous, wondering what would happen and then suddenly I began to write, and it wasn?t like I was thinking at all. The words just poured out of me:
Ask Ann R and Alberta about the filing cabinet.
You are in my heart forever. No matter where you go I will be there with you. I will take care of you. I will not leave you. I promised you I would never leave you and I won't because I love you too much.
The kids are doing great! You just need to spend a little more time with them and less time on the computer. They need you now. I'm proud of everything they're doing, proud that they are my kids. I wish I'd told them that more often.
You won't need the widownet list and the board as much anymore. They pull you down sometimes and you need to focus on your writing your real book. Don't be so afraid to write -- you have the stories in you. It's just a matter of believing in your self and doing it. Try making another journal if that helps. Use the ideas on the CD you bought and from the books. You can do this, don't be afraid to try, sweetie. I always thought you could write the Great American novel. Go with the idea you have now. It's the story of us. People would like to read that, Cass. It's a good story, a great story idea -- go with it!
I know that Billy and Heidi want to move closer to Milford. It would be nice if you could do that but let it happen. Don't try to force it or rush things. We always want what we want now. If you wait, the right opportunity will come along.
I know things look negative on the job front but we've gotten through this before, and we'll get through it again. Remember, that which doesn't kill us only serves to build our character and you've got a lot of that. Something will turn up. It always does.
Remember us from the Poconos. Those days were the best and I'm glad we got to have that together. I am glad to have had you in my life. In spite of the hard times and the fights our love was true. It is still there. It endures.
I will always be there for you. You can always depend on me for strength and encouragement -- whatever you need. Stay strong, knowing I'm right there with you, holding you, loving you, missing you, my darling. I will come back to you again and again and one day we will be together forever.
Okay, I blew it on the writing today but I?m getting off the computer early, Rich, and will limit the amount of time I spend on it. I?m getting off in fifteen minutes so that I can read to Kristin and get us into bed at a reasonable hour. I?ll get off earlier and earlier each night. And tomorrow I WILL do journal exercises.
I love you my darling,
Thank you for coming to me in a dream and thank you for that loving, supportive message!
Always with love,
Me