I believe I dream to deal with what?s been happening in my life during the day. Some of my dreams have been silly or funny; the ones I?ve had over the last 18 months have been tragic but hopeful. My first husband, my best friend Rich, died in May, 2001. My dreams about him have had two purposes: to help me deal with the grief and to help him communicate with me.
I wanted to dream about Rich so desperately. I wondered why it didn?t happen ? was it the antidepressants I was taking? Other widows told me that the initial grief is so deep and so intense, our loved ones can?t come through in a dream. Later, when the worst of the pain has passed, they can come to us in a dream. That is what happened with me.
I have had two types of dreams about Rich. In one, he is dead and I realize it. In the other, it?s as if we were both alive and married. I first dreamed about him about 6 months after he died.
I dreamed we were selling our house in Maryland. A deaf couple came to the house, wanting to buy it. Rich and I were frantically trying to pack up the basement and I suddenly realized the toilet was leaking! Rich tried to clean it up but there was just too much water. The deaf couple said, sorry, but we can?t help you and left. Later, I dreamed I was in the parking lot outside a hotel. It looked like it was at the beach, maybe Ocean City. I was looking for Rich and went into the hotel. There was a long line waiting to get into the dining room. I didn?t see Rich. The person in front of me was Alex Trebec and he told me he was sorry, he didn?t know the answer to my question.
It wasn?t hard for me to understand what was going on. The leaking toilet was Rich?s heart condition. He?d had a leaky aortic valve. He hadn?t especially wanted to deal with having a heart condition in the beginning. Later, it was to the point that neither of us could stop the progression. The deaf couple are my parents. When Rich had his heart surgery, they weren?t especially supportive or helpful. I interpret the hotel to be the afterlife. Alex Trebec hosted Jeopardy, our favorite game show, and I thought he was saying he couldn?t answer my question about what happened to Rich or where he was. I think I was just dealing with everything that happened in that dream.
I?ve had several dreams in which Rich either was alive (and it was his last day) or he thought he was alive. I knew in each dream that I was going to lose him. I didn?t want him to know because he looked so young and happy. He was healthy and strong again. I believe I had these dreams to help me work through grief. When I was awake, I sometimes was in a state of shock. I couldn?t believe it happened. I knew that it had but it just seemed so incredible. I think these dreams were to help me let go of him.
I haven?t had as many dreams where I knew he was just visiting for a short time but had to go back to heaven. He came into the room and sat on the bed, holding me in his arms and rocking me gently. He said he could only stay a few moments but he wanted me to know that he would always love me and watch over me. Another time, he lay down next to me and draped his arm across my waist, just as he always used to do. It was a comforting gesture. I knew he couldn?t stay long. I always felt so much better after a dream like that. I strongly believe that life goes on after death and that Rich was actually with me. I think that because heaven is in a parallel time band, we can?t see our loved ones in the conventional way. They can communicate with us through dreams and I think that is why so many people experience after death communications (ADCs) in dreams.
None of my dreams have been predictive. I think it?s possible that some dreams do foretell events. I don?t have them because I am not sensitive to the afterlife and to the future. I think there are people who do have prophetical dreams. Just as a loved one would come and communicate with me, why wouldn?t others try to let us know what?s happening in the future?
Some people don?t like to remember their dreams. I welcome them because they help me understand a little more about myself.