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 HUMMY Rainy Afternoons. I'm one of those people that love sitting inside watching the rain pour outside. It brings me comfort. Whether that's because of the security I feel being enclosed and safe, or if the sounds of the raindrops remind me of happier times. Some of those days listening to music and watching the rain outside.
I watched Girl, Interrupted last night, whilst I enjoyed it, I think I was expecting more, especially from all the positive comments that had been made about it. Especially when I think about some of the things that happen, we all think about things as honestly as we can, and so much of the time, what is purely a statement in your mind, if discovered by someone else can come across incredibly offensively, but not actually having the intention of it being offensive, more like a knee jerk reaction, I'm not making much sense, but I know what I'm talking about. It did make me think though, like most good movies do.
Lately I've been feeling rather flat. I've lost my energy, there hasn't been any significant situation which has led to my feeling this way, but more of a general response. I'm scared, scared of going away to University, yet at the same time, looking forward to starting a new life, and having new experiences. There are so many things I want to do in my life, and once I get my degree under my belt I hope to be able to make those dreams a reality.
[Edit] I'm in hysterics, I've just looked out of the Window, you might remember that I talked about us getting some new sofa's at home, well the old ones were left outside for Clarence to get rid of, however it seems that some Pikeys have already set eyes on them and I watched them struggling in the rain to put the Sofas onto the back of their truck. I watched the entire process the father directing the children and shouting at them to be as fast as possible. Then speeding off down the road towards the motorway. That really made my day! [/Edit]
The last few entries have been exceptionally dull. Mostly because I've not felt much like writing in recent times and simply because I've just not had the time in the first place and if you were thinking that this was going to be any different, then you'd be wrong. This was all brought to my attention by my good friend Sam.
Now instead of impressing you with an amazing account of how I stopped elephants robbing peanuts from the neighbours using only a ball point pen, then you're in for a disappointment, instead I'm going to tell you about the grief my nose has suffered of late. Now some of you may be wondering what the image above as to do with anything, well I'll tell you what is it, it's my Satanic spot, it appeared sometimes during the last two days, I knew at first I'd have problems as this wasn't any ordinary spot, this was one was huge and it had decided to plague the side of my nose. Bastard!
I couldn't stop myself from poking it, and eventually it resulted in the formation of a scab, I left it well alone but somehow during the course of today I must have loosened it and allowed it to fall off, so now my nose is bleeding again, and I'm getting odd looks from the people that I pass by, unlike those of you with easy access to the internet at home, I have to go to the local internet cafe to get my dosage, and this means interacting with people, just before I came in today to write this, the owner of the cafe gave me a rather disturbing look, whenever I've seen people I've tried turning my head so the spot isn't on display, it's quite funny watching my twitch my head side to side.
I'm seeing Cassie next weekend, so I hope that it clears up before I see her, I mean its certainly not a way to impress a girl, oh and I think I've found myself another writer to start relieving me from my duty every now and then. So you'd be right to get all excited, anyway I'll leave you to it you crazy kids!
 Windows XP Service Pack 1 Those of you who have tried to install the Service Pack may have found that the installation stops half way through to inform you that you're running an illegal copy of Windows XP and consequently terminates the installation. This can be a little annoying as some of the updates are crucial.
Now those that are running an already illegal copy of Windows, will be wondering how to overcome this problem, and having searched around on the internet I found a guide at Tweak Town for you people, however here I'll give the basics of what I read to help any of you in similar predicaments. The core problem here is that those of you using Windows illegally will have used several product keys that have been blacklisted by those at Microsoft. So the key here is to change this product key, this can be done quite simply by
downloading this ickle programme here. After downloading the file, simply double click it, and follow the instructions from the MS DOS style window that pops up.
For a more in depth look at the solution, go visit Tweak Town and look for the Service Pack guide using the search facility, or simply click here. Now you should be able to install the Service Pack, which mostly sorts out of a lot of the under the bonnet problems suffered by users of Windows XP, Microsoft Office also seems to run a little faster, amongst other little tweaks and fixes.
 Rainbow! This is like the previous entry a little uninspired entry, those of you who grew up in the 80's will recognise the character to the left as the comedy genius that was, 'Zippy' or the Zipmeister as I like to call him, for those of you who've been searching in vain, I've found for you the ultimate in theme tunes.
Now you can customise your computer to play the theme song from Rainbow every time you load up Microsoft Windows. All you have to do is download the theme song from here, then simply point your clicker to the start button, find control panel, locate sounds and audio devices, select sounds from the tab menus, and find Start Windows and change the sound it plays to the Rainbow theme tune just downloaded, I'll look out for some nifty Rainbow Wallpaper, to add to the overall package. Anyway some of you might think I'm strange, that's probably because I am. Now go shake that ass to the funkilicious sounds of Rainbow!
 Some Minor Revisions! Now those of you that visit this site regularly will have noticed that the quite frankly embarrassing image of me blurring on the left hand side has disappeared! This was done more so for compatibility issues, but those of you with the latest version of Internet Explorer should click here.
Now there's been a little graffiti image of the word 'dream' at the bottom of the site for a while, and since it had no function, those of you with the latest web browsers should click there for a far more aesthetically pleasing adventure. I've also updated the Top Ten Albums section, and finally gotten round to upload the video footage lurking around in the Video section, all of these area's can be found under the More? section.
What can be really annoying for a person designing sites, is what might look beautiful on the computer you designed on, can look god-awfully-shiite on someone else's, or it could just be down to the fact that the site was crap in the first place. Either way I reckon for best viewing pleasure, best viewed (1024X768, Internet Explorer 6 at my house on my 'puter).
I think back to Alexia whose in Canada right this minute, working away
at a local school, really experiencing life, living away from home in a completely different continent, I better write to her soon, but If anything it's helped me re-evaluate what's important to me, I want to have made some difference before I die. I keep having really morbid thoughts and dreams, which has led to me thinking about my life from an outside perspective. I think after I qualify, I might spend a year or two away back to my roots, and promote health and help those that can't afford it, I know it's awfully clichéd but then at least it'd help satisfy my own needs to do something worthwhile.
That's all I can think of really. I think from now on, I'm gonna try and worry about me, instead of other people, because I guess people take it for granted and sometimes I wish I could get a little of it back, I bought Cassie an Easter Egg but since I'm not seeing for ages, and plus there's no food at home, I think I'll eat it myself.
Once I found what I wanted, I asked the Chinese girl, if it was of good quality and she said yes, and if not I could come back to return it, but being trusting by nature I just accepted, eventually once I got home, and tried playing it, the damned thing just wouldn't work, I then tried it on the PC, and it started to play and then froze after 7 minutes, so I'm really frustrated because I just had an urge to see it, so now I'll have to wait until next Sunday to either get a refund or get a replacement copy.
Oh...in other news, I finally got to see Darren and Sam again, I've seen Darren around lately but not having seen Sam in a while, blimey he's changed, he's grown some facial hair, it was a bit weird seeing him like that at first, but I got accustomed to it soon enough, and we went down to McDonalds and just caught up on what we'd all been up to, it was nice seeing them both again, Sam seemed to be depressed as ever, Darren was a little bit more chirpy which was nice, but not really having anywhere to go and having sat in
McDonalds for 3 hours we eventually left to go back home, and that was that really, it was quite a nice day it almost felt like Summer already.
 Inside was far grander then the outside suggested, and I eventually found my way to the Old Library where the interviews were being held. I barely had time to sit down when I was called up for Interview, I was taken by an old lady of sorts to a screen in a room with several interviews being taken place simultaneously.
There were three people on the interview panel the lady who had accompanied me there, a middle aged man and one of the students. Now the interview started well with the man (who I shall call 'Bob') and the student (whom I shall called 'Bobwina') well Bob and Bobwina were asking me all the questions I had anticipated and I felt it was going very well. Just like my Birmingham fairly simple and untaxing questions, then came the lady (whom I shall call 'Hag' one of those really patronising and condescending stuck up in the Victorian era sort of women not that I disliked her!) she very calmly decided to question me "Reading your personal statement you say that you've worked in many different surgeries and
practices, I'd like to know about the procedures you observed and would like you to tell me about them." In my mind one word came to me like an explosion in my brain 'FUCK!' Sitting there not having a clue how to respond but needing to give an answer I recited the following, I remember this word for word, "Well...during my time at the surgery I observed many procedures I especially enjoyed ummm...extractions...(what the heck was I thinking) for this they used equipment.....hmmmm...yes........(mumble)" and then quietness...how completely retarded an answer. Anyway I shall leave that with you as I feel too ashamed to write anymore. I'm so thick.
 What can I say about this past weekend? Hmmm...I'm not sure, it certainly wasn't what I had planned. How do I feel? I'm not entirely sure about that one either. I don't know how detailed I want to go into this, because it's personal to me and I don't want to seem like I'm ranting but then this is my personal journal so I'll rant.
The week preceding my stop over with Cassie, was plagued already, not sure exactly where I was standing with her, and so I hoped that during the weekend with her, I'd hoped maybe that we could maybe sort things out and become stronger, now I'm not saying its hard, long distance relationships are killers, but I know that if you really want too, you can make them work, however hard it is, but the prerequisite required is that you love one another very strongly, and I felt that I'd met that requirement on my side, I hoped Cassie felt the same, but I can understand why she doesn't, she's one of those girls that when you walk down the road every head
turns, and she's quite naive to the fact that she draws so much attention, it bothered me at first, all these guys blatantly checking her out when they see her, but after a while I realised that she was with me, and that I should be grateful for that, and I am, more than she knows. I'm not really making any sense here.
We booked a double room for the weekend at that place I talked about before, Riverside Court which perhaps wasn't atrocious neither was it astounding, but getting in was a tricky business, we eventually were let in by the receptionist after I made a fool of myself trying to open the main door! We checked in and we found our room, it was quite small but that didn't matter, all that mattered was that I'd be spending some time with my most favouritest girlie ever. I recorded some footage of the room, I'll upload that later when I have some time, it's only brief though. Cassie
didn't feel entirely comfortable, and she told me about how she was feeling, how the long distance was becoming a real nuisance and how I see her only once in a while, I don't know, I understood what she was saying, but inside me, it upset me, because I'd made the effort to see her as often as I could, I don't work at the minute, so my funds are ridiculously low on most weeks and so money to see her is the issue here, in other circumstances I'd see her as often as she'd want to see me, for me the 4 hour coach journey although difficult, tiring and boring didn't matter, but that again is only because I can't afford to get the
train, which is much faster. I don't know how personal I want to get with things here, because I know Cassie doesn't like me writing about things that are between us, but sometimes I feel the need to write to get things off my mind, that Saturday she'd seemed very distant to me, she wouldn't let me close to her, and she'd gone on about this guy she'd met the night before and then she'd be totally consumed in the book she was reading, lying on the bed reading it, I just felt I'm not sure entirely, I felt like I'd come all this way to see her, to spend time with her and she'd been more interested in reading her book than engaging with me, I know she had stuff on her mind, but it kind of hurt me.
There was one major significant disaster this weekend, one categorically out of both our hands, one which for some reason she blames herself, which is totally unfounded. Having spent the night out before and not telling her parent's where'd she'd been her parents were understandably concerned about her well being and on the Saturday night, they demanded that she came home immediately, and so I was left that night in the middle of Sheffield, in a strange hotel alone with no-one to talk to. She'd called me later (she'd told her parents she'd be staying over at one of her friends) they'd insisted that they drop her back off at her friends, but obviously that wouldn't have been anywhere near the hotel I was at, and
so I didn't like the idea of her catching a bus late at night on her own to spend the night with me. So we decided to see each other in the morning, my consolation that night, was that Magnolia was on and it kept my mind occupied for a few hours until I drifted off to sleep, but I kept having dreams where Cassie was with other people (blokes) and laughing at me and I felt my head spinning, I couldn't sleep very well, the room was cold and the heating wasn't working properly and the room above was continually noisy until about 3am which added to my insomnia. I had a little cry to myself (how manly!) and then proceeded by making a
video diary entry, feeling very sorry for myself. It's laughable now watching it! Anyway I checked out early the next morning, not being able to sleep I ended up watching telly and having a bath and then waited at the Interchange for Cassie to turn up, I was quite angry with her, I don't know why, and I'd had other things on my mind, I have an interview to prepare for, which is tomorrow! I ended up crying in front of her, but yesterday apart from my initial coldness towards her we decided to just start the day afresh and in the end we had quite a nice day, taking advantage of free drink samples which was hilarious and watching Just Married, it
was quite obvious that Cassie was infatuated with the bloke in that film, Ashton whatever his name is, which surprised me, especially sitting next to a gorgeous guy like me Ha Ha!
Anyway umm....got home really late that night, some random man had to drive the coach because of the lack of drivers, they were like, does anyone know how to drive a coach? He didn't know the way to London and he had a penchant for French Rap Music which is insistently played and repeated and repeated and repeated for the 4 and a half hour duration (really loudly) somehow I managed to get some sleep during that journey without the benefit of the guy who sat next to me, who kept turning to his side and pushing his arse against my side, so I ended up barging him off and then he'd thought I was some sort of terror and sat elsewhere. He was a
nerdy looking guy.
Yesterday being pleasant and our little talk helped me feel a little bit better, she told me she loved me, and its pretty obvious that this strange northern lass has this hold on my heart, which leads me back to feeling confused, I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want a boyfriend, so I don't know I'll just have to see how things go, I have this feeling that I won't see her again, this overwhelming feeling inside of me, I don't want that to happen though, I know through previous experience, when I'm felt hurt before by a girl, I shut my self away from them, completely blanking them out of my life, to stop myself from being hurt anymore, but then I regret doing that and
not having them part of my life anymore, which is harder than anything and I know that no matter what I don't want that to happen with Cassie, she's far too important to me, if God's reading this journal entry of mine, how about you give me some luck, and I know that I've certainly had a lot of it in my time, not least meeting Cassie, but if you could maybe sway it for me, to win the lottery or something so that I can afford to have my own place up in Sheffield and live there and sort things out with Cassie and get married some day
and have little kiddie winkles with brown hair and brown eyes! (See I remember Cassie) so yeah, if you could do that for me Sir? Nothing too expensive, just enough for that, I'd appreciate. I have this image in my head of seeing her before getting on the Coach back to London looking utterly stunning, she is the most beautiful girl I've ever known in my life. Sorry for the rant.
    
I still feel kinda bad today, I was overly jealous and really I shouldn't have been, and I made my Cassie cry, and I can't believe that I did, because to me its the worst thing that I could do, and I hate it, I really need some money to see her soon, if you feel like lending me some, email me! I don't get to see her enough and not being with her makes my heart ache, I need to be with her if you've ever been in love you'll know how I feel anyway there's not much I can do right now, I'm going to call her later and apologise profusely again!
I called her last night, she was asleep already, I think that she has the most cutest sleepy voice ever, I think sometimes I call purposely late because I'll know she'll have her sleepy voice on, she'll always say she wants to talk, even though she's barely awake which I think is so funny! As you can tell, I'm obsessed with this little girlie, she makes my life worth living, and hmm....I'll stop going now, I'm seeing Darren and Sam definitely tomorrow, which should be fun, I think we're going to be hanging out in McDonalds! Go
check out my section on the Ghetto under the More? feature. There was something I was thinking about but I can't remember now, I'll write about it, if it comes back to me later probably? Anyway my monkeys I'll speak to you later.
 You Can Blame Alexia! This rather mild mannered and sweet girl decided to email me the following filth, Ha Ha!! She knows me too well, I couldn't stop laughing, anyway I thought being the generous person that I am, I really should share this with you, my fans! Anyway you guys have a good weekend, I've got lots to do. Enjoy...
Cassie has the house all to herself! Although she has her little doggie Bonnie to keep her company so I'm sure she'll be okay, I promised myself a while before that I'd never let a girl get close to me, after always having my heart broken, I'm one of those people that tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I let my defences down, and let Cassie into my life, and now she means the world to me, and I'm just paranoid that everything seems so perfect and I want it to stay like that, I just hope that Cassie feels the same.
All I really wanted to say was that, she's really important to me and she means the world to me, and I'm the luckiest person alive (as clichéd as that is) it's completely utterly true.
Anyway enough sentimental drivel, I'm really turning into a girl I think! lol! I think I'm seeing Sam and Darren on Sunday although I've not spoken to Darren, which I really ought to, but it'll be nice to catch up with them I reckon, Sam's taken a Gap Year before University, I think he's working at a Solicitors right now, although eventually he wants to be a Lawyer or most likely a Barrister which he so easily will be, and Darren I think is looking into what he wants to do full time so
he's taken time out to think about where his life is heading, its an unusual time, a lot of people have already made those decisions about what it is they want to do with themselves, going to University or whatever but its one of the biggest decisions of your life, and it's pretty darn scary, especially to someone as indecisive as me.
All my life I knew where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do, I've always wanted to be a dentist, as unusual as that sounds, to be honest it's a mixture of wanting to earn a good living, and dentists do make excellent earnings, which is fairly superficial and shallow but also the fact that I'd be constantly meeting new people, making people feel better and having that bond and trust and scaring little kiddies with the instruments ha ha, I guess I've had really good experiences with my local Dentist, this chap called John Dineen and he's really inspired me to do what I want to do, but right now, with that path ahead of me, and knowing its everything I ever wanted and having that
opportunity, I've got Cassie now, and my basal instincts just want the simple things, I just want to get married to her and have some little kiddie-winkles and live happily ever after, but what's to say that can't happen, I can do both I guess, anyway sorry for rambling, it's a bad habit of mine.
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