HUMMY My Apologies. I've not written once to Alexia all the time she's been in Canada and I feel so guilty, I finally got round to writing to her only she hasn't received it yet, I hope it's just a delay and not lost, how many un-received letters must disappear on a daily basis, all those thoughts gone.

I spoke to this really nice girlie called Nikki last night, she's from New Zealand and has the hottest accent ever, I just let her talk because I loved the way she said things. Sam had some really good idea's for the site, I'm not sure how in keeping they are with this journal focused site at the minute, but it's something I'm going to try and create, he was thinking about some sort of multiple album review type thing, I've got a really stylistic design in my mind that I want to try and implement, perhaps I'll do it as an alternative site, anyway just bear with me, The Matrix Reloaded is officially out at the cinema today I'll be going to see it on Saturday so those of you that see it before, don't tell me what happens or else I'll have to kill you, so TV has been mostly focused around that at the minute, Channel 5 (who by the way are getting there bit by bit) will be showing the feature length Animatrix tonight, so make sure you watch that, oh and expect lots and lots and lots of views and opinions of Big Brother, from two of it's biggest fans, Darren and Sam.

Q. May I please kiss you? You're Seksi ;-P <3 (Guess Who). xXx
Yes of course you may, be here round about 7, or whenever really kissing is fun. It's you isn't it Imi?

Q. How are you such an angel? *Nikki
Well my girlie, that's because I invested my money into Angel School, where I learnt all about Angel-type-things, you know like...harps and those frocks they were, I do look rather dashing in one of those, even if I do say so myself. Ha Ha! I just am little lady.

HUMMY Adjustments. Well feedback from both my other writers and from some of the things you guys have said, have resulted in a more feature packed site, half of it probably won't work for the time-being but it's being worked on, a dedicated section to both of my little stars.

Other little ideas that we've been thinking about also are going to be included, Darren decided on a 'Babe of the Week' type section, so feel free to send in your pictures if you feel you deserve it. Knowing Darren's standards, anything would suffice, even a man dressed as a donkey would do him, in fact it would for me too. Ha Ha!

Did you know that Sophie from Swishpink.com, also dreams of being a dentist, she's obviously got a good head on her shoulders, so I think I might adopt her or something, I was in turn adopted by my dentist when I told him that I'd want to be a dentist too, oh anyway umm...look my first fan signs. Pru also sent a slightly more revealing fansign which you can check out here be warned!

HUMMY "Thank'en You!" Thanks to everyone whose been checking on the site regularly, it's really cool to know that you've been visiting, it's really nice to know that you guys out there actually enjoy reading this, essentially this was just a personal site for me, but I'm happy with the direction we're heading in.

Yesterday was quite fun, I met up with Darren and Sam, Sam being typically late as per usual, meant Darren and I hanging out in Leytonstone for a little while which meant we had to make our own amusement, this included shouting 'Shamoan' to strangers passing by, and going into the School Shop to ask if we could have T-Shirts printed out saying "Shamoan, Mo' Fo'", the girlie inside was quite hot, but Darren did most of the talking I think she liked him.

So we've decided we're all going to get custom made T-Shirts signifying our individual personalities. With this website address to shamelessly plug ourselves wherever we go. I've finally gotten around to Interview Darren, now it's all recorded and needs very little editing, but the damned Computer won't let me feed the footage into it, to put up online. So I'm going to have a look around and see if anyone I know has a computer with the right bits for me hooking up my Camcorder too, it's definitely something to look forward too, oh and if you're looking for more Videos, the Video section should be working now, after all that time, those that are fully functional are Thorne's Minger Guide, Kevin's Guide To The Porn Industry and Fake Stunt Double.

I've been listening to the new Radiohead Album, Hail To The Thief, which I downloaded in advance, I'll still be buying the original because I'm a massive fan, Radiohead have been the sole band to totally influence the way I think about things, at first I'd gone along with the hype, about Kid A and Amnesiac being really out there, the future or music per se, but if I'm to be honest, they were mostly crap with the exception of a few songs, however those two dodgy albums can't stain the phenomenal albums that were The Bends and OK Computer. From what I've heard of the new album it's a mix of both OK Computer and Kid A, which is a double edged sword in that, some songs are absolutely amazing, off the top of my head 'Sail To The Moon' whilst others are just completely shite. But then again if they were to carry on exactly from OK Computer people would argue that  they'd become too complacent and afraid of change, but I for one wouldn't have minded, I mean give me another album like OK Computer any day. If you haven't heard it already, I suggest that you do. Here are the questions you've asked and my responses.

Q. Why do old women smell?
I guess because they like it that way it keeps the randy old men away. Possibly? I don't know, that is a good question anyone else know?

Q. What is your favourite day of the week and why?
It has to be Friday, it's the gateway to the weekend and I can't stop smiling it means I've not got to do anything until Monday, I'm a lazy sod you see.

Q. Describe to me your ideal evening? *Bethy
This is a hard one, because it depends on the girl, blah de blah

SAM Oh yes, knowing me, knowing you, that's right, all (three) of my fans rejoice! Deng Master returns! I must confide that I have been rather troubled this week...there have been rumours abound that the great Taking Back Sunday are to split, or take an At-The-Drive-In-style "hiatus" (i.e. split).

I would urge all my followers whether you are white, black or asian, to email luvletbomb@hotmail.com and tell them how bloody great they are and that they'd be mad to split when they are just on the verge of possibly being bigger than A1. Obviously I cant condone anyone chaining themselves to railings outside Victory Records, going on hunger strikes or making suicide pacts in order to secure the future of great guitar music but...well...desperate means calls for desperate measures.

THINGS THAT HAVE PISSED ME OFF THIS WEEK: +Big Brovaz: how DARE you bring out a song as SHIT as that after 'Nu-Flow'?! We've always known that UK garage and R'n'B has always been cerebrally challenged to say the least (with the exception of The Streets "We first met through a shared view/She loved me and I did too"...so true) but taking your musical inspiration from JULIE ANDREWS?!! For fuck sake. Next thing you know they'll be doing an "urban" remix of 'A Spoon Full Of Sugar' noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. +David Dickinson: how on earth can the super-human-daytime-GOD Duke DD be in the 100 worst Britons?! He is a legend. Who else can brighten up a students "I really should be studying" mornings like the Duke? Certainly not the Big mo' fo' Strong Boys... +The oldest son on 'Trust Me I'm A Teenager' (the programme on Channel 4 the other night): Knob. As for the mum, too much money, too few brains. +The new McDonalds adverts: Things that make you go mmm? I'll tell you what makes me go mmm a massive great hamburger and chips....don't be giving me all these "low fat" crap...just cause some stupid fat American sued their asses cos they didn't realise eating McDs everyday for 7 years would make them so fat they could only clean themselves with a rag on a stick, doesn't mean we have to suffer!! Oh, And that new chicken chibbata thing is gross. +Chris Moyles: Used to think that show was great, when it was Dave, Melinda and producer Reese, heard it the other day...my God. He likes U2. 'Nuff said. +Coldplay: Where are you going?! Come back!! Don't leave us here with Travis!! *sigh* +Triple 8 and all the "new" boy bands: no, you're not urban, no your not doing you "own thing", just piss off.

Ah, I feel lighter than a feather. My time here is up again kids. Hope you had a gud'un. REMEMBER! Bo Selecta is coming out on DVD and video soon, start saving that pocket money today...get a paper round...wash the car...that show is worth every penny. PROPER BO I TELL THEE!!

LIWEI UPDATE: Liwei recently lost his chess match in the Oxford Varsity tournament against some German...unbelievable but true.

[Edit] The first response to Dazza's look-a-likes request, Imogen has an uncanny resemblance to Julia Stiles, you decide for yourself, if you feel like you look like anyone famous, or non-famous even email us to let us know, send a picture of yourself and the person you think you look like! [/Edit]

DAZZA Dazza's third entry: This is my third entry into Hummy's Journal and I have to say that I have never chatted so much crap in all my life! I just can stop myself! Straight on to music me thinks...but not like before, this time I’m talking about music look-alikes... Woo hoooooo I hear you cry!

See I’ve been likened, by Hummy and Sam, to various famous musicians, such musicians as David Gray, the Drummer from Coldplay and not so good ones like Phil Collins (Laugh and I'll send the boys round to sort you out) so what I would like any of you out there is email me if you look like anyone famous and I mean anyone and don’t just tell me bout the good ones you like include the bad ones as well (I’ve told you bout Phil Collins). Email me and tell me who you look like and if you can send any pic's if you really really look like the person and we might be able to do a look-a-likes section on the site with all your pic's on it! Ill even put pic's of me if you want then you can decide if I really do look like David Gray, Phil Collins etc.

HUMMY 'Hyper!' that's what it stood for! A big 'Thank You Miss Lady' goes to Emily for letting me know that one. I haven't written very frequently, well not as much as I like and I won't be for a little while, hence the inclusion of my Guest Writers, and thank you to everyone who gave their suggestions.

First and foremost were suggestions that you'd like some interviews of us on video to watch online, well all you need to do now is email in the questions you'd like to ask us, as vulgar as they might be, you never know if this works out, it could easily be a weekly feature. I'm much happier at the minute you know! It feels good, I feel good. Oh and have you seen the trailer to the new Matrix film? Drooling with anticipation or what? It looks utterly magnificent, the first film was amazing, partly or mostly for me anyway, the visual effects, the story is great, but for me some of the set pieces are breath taking and sometimes only something as visual as that hits home. So yeah I'm a happy bunny, it should be out sometime next week I'm going to be first in line. Expect some kind of review of it soon.

Oh and before I forget, if you haven't already try downloading some of the Episodes from the Animatrix website. The fourth one is out sometime this month. Hail To The Thief!

HUMMY It's been a mournful week, what with the splitting up of the S Club, I like a lot of you will be utterly devastated, and I think I speak for the nation when I say that, 'Although you may disappear from our screens, you will always be in our hearts!'. Alas, it has been a blow to us all, we'll just wait and see I guess.

There was a poll of the Worst Briton, I was glad to see that H (real name Ian) was amongst the top ten, that satisfied me truly, although I would have been even more pleased had he been voted as the Worst Briton of 2003, the cheesiness and inane humour really irritated me, and clearly a whole lot of you too, I was glad to see I wasn't alone in my hatred for him, and someone please let me know what the feck, that fecking H stood for? (Homosexual, Hitler, Hermaphrodite, Hercules?) I personally think that he is the devil reincarnated, and would be thoroughly in favour of a hanging for this exceptional case, to spare the poor children from enduring such a horrific experience, suffered by many.

Oh before I forget, I'd like to say a big 'Hi-dee-hoo' to some new visitors of mine, namely, Rob, Laura, Alex and Simone! I thought you'd like to see your name up on this fantabulous website of mine, that I share with my motley crew. I did warn you about the randomness of this site, so don't be thinking about sending Complaints to the Internet Standards Commission.

I've got a few ideas about some new features, but it'd be great if you guys would let me know if there's anything you'd like to see, I've a digi-camcorder, so I was thinking about putting up some random footage whether it's a short film, or an interview with one of us, keep your suggestions coming, I'd be mightily happy, if you can't be bothered to email proper, than use the contact section, and use the 'lazy-man's email form' which will deliver your comments straight to my inbox, until next time folks, keep it real! Proper Bo!

DAZZA Dazza's second entry: Well if you’ve come back for more of my amazing section you must be out of your f***in' mind! Anyway…first up Walker's Crisps, how comes every time you buy a bumper pack of Walker's Crisps preferably the mixture pack, when you open up any of the packets there is hardly any f***in' crisps!

It's always half empty! But on the other hand when you buy a bumper pack of the budget crisps, the cheapest you can get, the packets are always full to the top with crisps!! Moral to the story is… it's good to be poor!!

Big Brother: Series 4 is coming on soon so ill have something to watch on TV, everyone around the world knows what Big Brother is so I don’t have to give an explanation, so cos that’s coming on it’ll mean I'll be staying up 'til 4 in the morning every day only getting up for when I need a piss and when the fourth series is over I may venture outside but not for too long cos the sun will make me collapse in a heap!

Anyway...on to music...is it just me that thinks that Madonna is crap, like in her new song (American Life) she attempts to rap and she sounds retarded - my bloody Grandmother could have done a better job at rapping than Madonna, at least my Grandmother would have done some beat boxing to liven the song up a bit lol.

Also I know this maybe old news to some but I think it’s a bit out of order how Paul McCartney has put his name first when writing the song credits for Beatles stuff, it used to be Lennon/McCartney but now its McCartney's name first - like my Nan said (her again) Lennon was always the best one in the Beatles and I think she’s right!!

Well I’ve gotta go now so Ill have to save some of the stuff I wanted to talk bout to the next entry! Until then its goodbye from me...and its goodbye from me Nan…Nan??...Oh shit she’s fell asleep!

HUMMY News Headlines 'Humayun And Cassie Split Up!' It had to happen sometime I guess, things haven't been great between us the last few months, for various reasons, I'm not going to linger on it, the only thing I can do, like Coldplay once sang, is to 'be bigger, stronger faster than before' that's my ethos anyway.

HUMMY How Did Yesterday Go? Not as I planned that's for sure, initially I was supposed to be going to Cassie's house but we didn't, and so ended up going to the Cinema instead, thinking back now I'm not sure it was a great decision, I really wanted to just have a talk with Cassie and sit with her on the grass somewhere.

We went to see, How To Get Rid Of A Guy In 10 Days, or some variation of that, I was tired from the 4 hour coach journey so I kept drifting away every now and then, and Cassie was feeling 'claustrophobic' so she wouldn't let me near her, not even to hold her hand. I was a little taken aback by it and became quite moody.

So yeah, I acted like a bit of a spoilt brat and managed to upset Cassie within the first five minutes of sitting down with her at the cinema, I don't know why I do it, I get hot pangs of jealousy in my head and jump to conclusions and like I said, get even more moody with her. Making us both upset, so yeah not exactly great.

It started to pick up though, after watching the film, I met two of Cassie's friends, 'Crazy Lisa' and Laura, I think? I have such bad memory, they were quite nice, Lisa gave me some Mega Beans, which were delightfully juicy, I was a little nervous about meeting them, I don't know why and I started talking in a funny voice, (one I use whenever I'm nervous, it just comes out of nowhere). I can't be bothered to go delving any further into it, I mean it wasn't a terrible day it was just I had anticipated something entirely different, and I still feel very anticlimactic. I think we need some space from one another for a while, to let me think about what I want to do with my life. I love her, don't make any mistake about that, it's just I don't know what she wants anymore, and I don't know what to do to change that, however much I might want to, it's not up to me, it's up to her.  The situation right now is so hard and understandably sometimes it feels like too much of an effort, but I hope someway, somehow things will work out, I've never known anyone like her, she's my angel and I don't intend to let her fly away. Yes, cheesy, oh well, that's just me.

DENGMASTER Like Mark "The Mak" Morrison the Deng Master has returned by (not very) popular demand. While Humayun is "reminiscing 'bout the times", like the unsuccessful follow-up single from Blazin' Squad, and Darren is talking about Queen, I offer my humble opinions on today's mixed up hurly burly world.

People often ask me, almost every day in fact, "Deng Master how did you become so wise?". Well, I have spend many a month up Mount Fuji with the mathematical deity (time to dust off those dictionaries again kids...who says you can't learn anything from the net?) that is Deng, he would impart his advice, and when a man like him speaks, you listen...I would paint fences, wax on and wax off, and balance on one leg on a pole on the beach for hours on end, rescuing bonsai trees from cliff faces. It was a magical time. I know several confused readers have been emailing the Humster and I can confirm that the fine male specimen you see is not myself but the legendary Liwei Deng. To know him is to love him.

Whilst watching 'Boys & Girls' last week (just shoot me now, I don't deserve to live), it's rather like watching a Essex-based human cattle market. It's as if the producers have raided every bar in Essex to find the lariest and dimmest people they could find, ply them with alcohol, put on loud music and wave "£100,000 powwnd to spend in a weeeek" (repeat ad infinitum) in front of their faces, like a starvation-ridden donkey and a massive carrot. Surely there is something in the Human Rights Act to protect the general public from this? If there isn't there darn well should be. The harrowing memory of Jade Goody screeching "LAGER OR SEX?! LAGER OR SEX?!" (the girl from the McCain's Ad better take note, this is how SHE could end up..."daddy or chips?"...) from a couple of weeks ago, is one that is burnt deep into my memory...sometimes I'm scared to close my eyes at night...That said, 'Babe Or Minger?' (who thinks these titles up? It truly is genius), is always hilarious watching some deluded girl scream "BAAABE!!" into Vernon Kay's ear (*sniff*...oh my poor dear Vernon...) only to hear that "98% of this audience have voted you....a ming-er"...oh, sweet justice.

Enough from me again...*sighs of relief* Any comments or suggestions for stuff for me to rant on about email Hum. Peace be with you my children.

HUMMY How's about that then? In True Jimmy'll Fix It Fashion, you've had a taster of new things from my upcoming star journalists! I've had some feedback already from people either going on about how confuzzled they were on account of Darren or how funny/weird the Dengmaster is!

All I can say right now is to keep them coming, the easiest method would be for you to click on the contact section and let me know your views, both are waiting to hear from you. So get on writing. I'm seeing Cassie on Sunday, so expect a more personal account following that, but right now I'm gonna leave you with a request! If you have the time and money to make a poor young man very happy, please buy me one of these, I'll be eternally grateful. You all know what that means, don't you, 'Hummy Luv' Tokens. Yeah Baby!

DENGMASTER Welcome one and all to the *mystical* world of THE DENGMASTER. Obviously this is a pseudonym (get out that dictionary kids), but it is more than that, it is a dedication to a man who has touched all our hearts, Mr Liwei Deng. When people said Johnny would never walk again, Liwei proved them wrong.

when people said thousands would die in the famine, Liwei proved them wrong. He truly is a man of the people, an everyman, a true hero.

Anyway, welcome to my first entry on this scintillating site. If, like me, you didn't have a clue what Darren was on about, well you'll all be pleased to know this entry will be AS aimless if not more so, and I'm afraid I can't guarantee it'll make any sense...or be interesting...or be funny...but apart from that it is going to be INCREDIBLE.

Lets start off with t. A. T. u. (thereby alienating half the audience - oh yes, a good start). Ain't the new single great? "They're not gonna get us/not gonna get uuussssssssssssssssssssssss". Ok just forget the fact they're "lesbian" and all that stuff, they make GREAT pop records. And lets be honest I would much rather watch them on TOTP than Triple 8, D-Side, Westlife blah blah or the rest of that watered-down pop dirge. Another honourable mention, in the quest to save pop, must go to Mr Justin "I'll have you naked by the end of this song" Timberlake...shamoan my brother. Now this may be *controversial* but the only way pop will ever be saved is if girls (between the ages of 6-18) were to be banned from buying records *female readers gasp*. Think about who is responsible for buying the records of the most hideous pop atrocities of the last 20 years (e.g. Westlife, Blue, Boyzone, H (real name Ian) & Claire)? Hmm? Yep. Teenage girls. Hormones can do some terrible things (don't we all know), but buying a Westlife single? That's just inexcusable.

Anyway that is all from the NO-HOLDS-BARRED-TELL-IT-LIKE-IT-IS-ADDRESSING-THE-REAL-ISSUES-IN-TODAYS-SOCIETY world of the Deng Master for now...I will (possibly) return soon...any opinions email Hummy. I thank you my son.

FREE VERNON KAY - Has the man not suffered enough? Look into his eyes, behind the smiles and the dancing, he is a broken man...

-This site is against cruelty to TV presenters, and no TV presenters were harmed during the making of this site-

HUMMY Reminiscing. Something I'm prone to do regularly, I was just thinking back to my first date with Cassie on the 23rd of November 2002. We went out for a romantic meal at MacDonald's! We went to this food arena in this massive shopping center called Meadowhall and we bought ourselves some milkshakes

We were talking about things and somehow she managed to spill her chocolate milkshake over her blue top, and she was hoping I hadn't realised but I had seen it all, and her face went red and she made this cross/embarrassed face and she went all red and I swear to god in that instance I distinctly remember thinking to myself that here in front of me was the most beautiful girl to have ever lived. I know it sounds incredibly 'chocolate box' nice, but that's how I genuinely felt about her, anyway I'm blithering now, memories are important and they'll stay with you forever, especially moments like that, I just hope I don't get Alzheimer's and forget everything! That'd definitely be really skanky. Anyway I hope you all enjoyed Dazza's first entry, keep coming back for me, and keep your eyes peeled for an extra special guest! No! I'm not telling, you'll just have to wait, he most totally rocks! Doh! I told you the sex already, but that's debatable! Bye.

DAZZA My first entry on this website and I should have a lot to say but…well…I haven’t but each entry that I make on this site will be pants wettingly exciting, you can always count on the me for up to date bulls**t on girls, music and top quality things that, quite frankly, floats my boat!!

And so on to my first ever entry…Have you ever seen a nice looking girl or boy (strictly for the ladies) in the street only to pluck up some courage to talk to her only to find that she has (a) Done a runner cos she’s realized that you have been following her for the past 10 minutes (you weirdo!) (b) she overheard you talking bout her beauty and waiting for you to talk to her made her bored and so she buggered off. Now you most probably think “hell no Darren that only happens to weirdo’s” (in your best Ricki Lake type White Trash Voice) and you think that (b) happened to me well…your wrong it was the first one most probably!!! She was gorgeous but when Humayun and me decided to talk to her she vanished! Anyway…

Music… Bands I've been listening to recently are…. Finch, Taking Back Sunday, CKY who I have liked for ages, and wait for it Queen...I know… hang me up by my testicles and beat till it escapes from my body but they are quite good and no band rocks a concert as big as they do!!! So take the piss I don’t care J lol. Back to Finch, I think that they are the only band I can think of where I actually like all the songs on their album and to me that’s a rarity!!! They rock like a mo****fu**** and Daryl Palumbo from Glassjaw debuts on the album! So go out an buy it kids…it may not make you feel like taking Class A Drugs but it'll piss ya' mum and dad off something rotten if ya turn it up loud 'enuff (Believe me it does).

I see the funniest thing today when I was out with Humayun, it was a old man riding on one of those electric wheelchair thingies...and I thought it would make a great movie where the old man rides his wheelchair in the ghetto and he riding along really slow and he does a drive-by shooting on some kids and then he drives off but really slow cos they only go like 2 miles per hour but as he’s getting away he gets a flat tyre and comes to a complete stop!!! Lol let me know what you think I think it will be a blockbuster if I just get the chance and I would call it  “My Grandpa- Da Gangsta”!!

Anyway, gotta go cos the A-Team is on UK Gold (Channel on UK Cable for all you people who don’t reside in the UK)!

Be Back soon and you bet ya life it will be exciting! (note to Humayun, owner of this website- How long do I have to put on this nice guy act hehe only joking im always like this!!

SeE Ya’Ll LaTeR!!

Signing off, Dazza

Top of Page | Older Enteries | Previous