For a relationship to be healthy - whether it is a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a family relationship - it needs to encourage you emotionally and care about your physically. People have a need to be encouraged and cared for, and when this doesn't happen in a relationship, things can be unpleasent for those involved. At the extreme, relationships that aren't encouraging and caring are abusive. Abuse is defined as any treatment that is harmful, injurious, or offensive to another. When one person in a relationship begins abusing another, the relationship has become unhealthy and the abused need to find help. And abuse doesn't only take place within serious romantic relationships-it can happen in any. How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship, though? If you have doubts about the healthiness of your relationship, here are a couple guides for what an abusive relationship is NOT. Healthy Relationships Are: Supportive. Supporting another person goes a long way in keeping the relationship healthy. Support is often a verbal or mental activity, letting the other person know that they are important and that you will be there in times of need. An abusive relationship, in contrast, would be domineering. The abuser would not care about your physical or emotional wellbeing, but would rather dominate and hurt you physically, or degrade you emotionally. Saying such things as, "You wouldn't be anything without me," or "Did I give you permission to do that?" are statements typically found in dominating relationships. Affirming. Affirmation involves telling each other positive and truthful things about the other. In a relationship, people who affirm the other's self-worth, character, abilities, and successes are people who you want to stay around. Abusive relationships, on the other hand, will not affirm but will disapprove of the other. Examples of disapproving statements are, "Real men don't cry," or "Your body isn't beautiful enough." If these sorts of disapproving statements happen occasionally, the relationship probably won't suffer too much, but if they happen frequently, then they are a sign that the relationship is emotionally abusive. Encouraging. Healthy relationships encourage the other, and encouragement promotes a fun, comfortable, and safe environment. Relationships that are abusive promote fear, doubt about oneself, and discouragement. If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, it is imperative that you get help as soon as possible. You don't deserve harmful treat of any kind, physical or emotional. If you can't get out of the relationship, if you've tried improving it but haven't made a difference, or if you just need somebody to talk to, the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center is here to help. Go on to the next page to find out ways to get help. Sponsored by the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center of Fargo-Moorhead Crisis Phone: 701-293-7273 Fax: 701-293-9424 Email: crisis@raccfm.com

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