All healthy relationships are built on communication, and communication about sexual activity is no different. That’s why getting consent before proceeding with any sexual activity is vitally important to the health of the relationship.
Consent is verbal permission to proceed with sexual activity. Only a verbalized "yes" counts as consent; silence is not consent, neither is a verbal "no." Consent can only be given by people who are conscious, sober, and not under the influence of drugs.
And consent doesn’t have to stop with intercourse; you have right to deny consent for any physical and sexual activity you are uncomfortable with, including kissing. You are in control of your body, and nobody has the right to take what you don’t want to give. Even if you are in a romantic relationship, that doesn’t mean your partner has a right to have sex with you.
Talking about sex beforehand might be awkward at first, but successfully doing so can prevent unwanted sexual encounters. And the more frequent sex and consent are discussed, the easier it will be. Whenever you are giving or receiving consent, always be sure to clarify mixed messages. Giving consent leads to more honest, respectful, and trusting relationships. Some people even consider it sexy to ask for consent.
The following are all the areas that should be included in the consent process:
Getting Consent Requires:
- Communication. Communicating with your partner is the first step to getting consent. This involves two parts: 1) clearly expressing which sexual activities your partner has consent to and which he or she does not, and 2) actively listening to what your partner views are.
- Honesty. When you express your desires to your partner, you need to be honest. This includes honesty about your sexual history, as well as your sexual preferences. If you don’t tell your partner what you desire, you may find yourself in a situation you don’t feel comfortable in. Healthy, sexual relationships are not deceptive.
- Respect. When your partner expresses what he or she feels about sexual activity, you must be willing to respect his or her opinions. If you don’t respect his or her opinions, you aren’t respecting the person. At the same time, your views need to be respected by your partner. If they are not, your partner could become dominant and force you into situations you don’t want to be in.
- Trust. After you have discussed sexual activity, you and your partner must trust each other to consent to only what you agreed on. All healthy relationships are built on trust, and it takes time to increase trust in another. Trust can be quickly broken, however, even after one bad incident.
