Parody of the Promise
Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
Youtube video of the Promise

Title ~ “The blood case of the little steamed bun”

English translation--Credits to ~ Hu Ge for his inventive work

Intro Narrations:

The little steamed bun---that stirred up an earth-shattering bloodshed

(Nicholas Tse) A small incident—that twisted a young child’s innocence and virtue into one of humanities’ vices.

What could have been the instigating force that had weakened his endurance to such a state?

(Liu Ye) Chinese officials have sent their best to capture the suspect of a high-profile murder-case, but have yet to complete the task. Now, what would be the reason for this?

Secrets lurk every corner of the case—it is only until the last minute that the truth shall be unveiled to the world.

Please sit tight and watch this special 2005 edition of “The blood case of the little steamed bun”

Newscaster:

On some day of some month of the year 2005, a murder case shocked the citizens of some city. In broad daylight, a masked horse-rider killed Wang, the general manager of the Circle Loop Circle Entertainment Group.

(spirals) This is the scene of the crime. Now, because the location is deserted and isolated, the entertainment group has been suffering losses for years and unable to pay their employees their salaries.

(change scenes ~ horse riders) The situation at the time was very complex.

The woman on the current screen is Wang’s wife, Zhang Qing Cheng. She is a famous fashion model for the Circle Loop Circle Entertainment Group. Her typical role is constantly putting on and taking off her clothes.

(funny song comes on while woman does exactly what script says ~ puts on and takes off her clothes)

(on rooftop) At the time, the two of them were situated at the rooftop for some unknown reason. From rumors, it appears that they haven’t received their salaries for two months, and are now using suicide as a threat to get back their money.

Man in whiny voice: According to the national law 305, it is unlawful to hold off employee salaries, but I STILL haven’t gotten my money yet!!

Narrator: Later, the two turned against each other due to relationship problems and a physical fight initiated.

Man: Ahh, robbery, robbery! Tell me your PIN # now! (people below watching) Narrator: At the same time, after Zhang Qing Cheng’s fans watched their idol suffer in humiliation, gathered their forces and united to throw rotten eggs at Wang. In anger, Wang pulled out a pre-prepared watermelon knife and thrust it towards his wife.

(now woman is hanging off roof top) At this critical moment, a mysterious masked knight came galloping in. He threw his own watermelon knife at Wang, killing him. Wang hits the floor. According to autopsy reports, he died at that very moment.

(back to newscaster)

Newscaster: According to video recordings during the crime, officials have picked out a piece that doesn’t seem to fit.

(goes back to the recording)

At the time when the knight entered the Circle Loop Circle Entertainment Group, everyone appears to steer clear of the way to leave him an open path to ride through. The only conclusion could be that everyone is very familiar with this horse and the attire of its rider. Furthermore, according to reports from the audience, the identity of the horse and the attire could be no other than Leader “True Field” (Zhen Tian).

(switch to man aka Leader True Field)

Man: Listen up, you merchants without permits, you are prohibited from selling anything here in the future!

(man in white)

Narrator: Leader True Field was originally of Japanese blood, but to release his sins, has decided to join forces with the Chinese.

(fighting scene) In 2004, as a member of the City Patrol team, he single-handedly battled the evil forces of merchants. What you are seeing now are some of the thrilling images at the time. From then on, his name became widely known and hence his status was raised to Leader True Field.

(back to newscaster)

Newcaster: A foreigner, without any selfish motives, has turned the Chinese problems into his own problems—what kind of spirit is this? Could this international star have anything to do with this case?

(Chen Hong)

Narrator: Chinese officials decided to send for the renowned Negotiator, Chen Man Shen (Full Spirit) to directly negotiate with Leader Full Field.

(new scene with kid)

Narrator: Chen Man Shen is a controversial character. On one hand, due to her depth of knowledge, it has been said that there is nothing that is not within the realms of her brain. But on the other hand, she has been known to use fortune and riches to lure underage little girls.

Chen Man Shen: Child, I can give you the most delicious things to eat, the most beautiful clothes, do you want this?

Child: Yes, I do!

Narrator: Just like this, Chen Man Shen used this underhand techniques to turn underage children against their education and studies. On top of that, she often likes to laugh at others at their low points, especially after losing something. She is often heard cracking up, “In the future, you will lose even more!”

Chen Man Shen: “In the future, you will lose even more, and have nothing at all!”

Narrator: This type of “pouring salt on wounds” behaviour is heavily frowned upon.

(back to newscaster)

Newscaster: From the negotiations of Chen Man Shen and Leader True Field, police officials finally realized that the masked knight was in fact Leader True Field’s accomplice. His name is Zhang Kun Lun. This is a huge breakthrough in the case. Now the case finally has a suspect—Zhang Kun Lun.

However, there were further barriers to cross when the police set out to capture Zhang Kun Lun.

(new screen ~ commercial break)

Police have now been faced with a new obstacle. Should they capture or not? Find out after commercials!

Commercials (not going to bother doing them)

Intro repeats again:

Intro Narrations:

The little steamed bun---that stirred up an earth-shattering bloodshed

(Nicholas Tse) A small incident—that twisted a young child’s innocence and virtue into one of humanities’ vices

What could have been the instigating force that had weakened his endurance to such a state?

(Liu Ye) Chinese officials have sent their best to capture the suspect of a high-profile murder-case, but have yet to complete the task. Now, what would be the reason for this?

Secrets lurk every corner of the case—it is only until the last minute that the truth shall be unveiled to the world.

Please sit tight and watch this special 2005 edition of “The blood case of the little steamed bun”

(back to show)

(people running)

Narrator: Zhang Kun Lun’s sprinting speed neared the speed of light—reaching 280000 km/s. According to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, when an object reaches the speed of light, time will stop running. When an object exceeds the speed of light, time will flow backwards.

According to rumors and reports, Zhang Kun Lun’s favourite hobby is to turn a living person into a kite. (sees woman hanging on a kite)

How can a living person fly as a kite? For this, of course we shall consult the ever so knowledgeable Chen Man Shen.

Chen Man Shen: Because the globe is round. Zhang Kun Lun’s speed is very fast, so according to the centripetal force (?), a person will start to fly.

(red text on screen): Correct response! Add ten points!

Narrator: (back to person running) We can see that Zhang Kun Lun’s speed is indeed very fast. Hence, his capture will be very difficult.

In order to speed up the capture of the suspect and close the case, police officials sent out one of their best officials of the Capture Squad, aka the world’s renowned sprinter, the only person who can surpass the speed of light, Officer Wolf.

Three days later, the Shanghai circus put on an exciting show. Police officials found out that Zhang Kun Lun has a thing for circus shows, so they came in hopes of finding him there, sending Officer Wolf to the show.

Indeed, after the show ended, due to Zhang Kun Lun’s love for the “Flying Motorcycle Show”, he came to exhibit the prop, “Big Steel Ball”. At this scene, Officer Wolf and Zhang initiated a life-death duel.

In addition, due to their mutual love for circus arts, they used this opportunity to practice some moves and even invented a new move, “Fly away while running”.

(funny music~ two guys on top of each other) Narrator: However, what was unexpected was a huge turn in the case.

(two guys hugging)

Narrator: In the past, both men have never met anyone up to par with them to be considered an opponent. Now through this rare opportunity to find someone who shares similar interests and skills has stirred up some romantic feelings among them. Surprisingly, the two have actually given up fighting, and opted instead to discuss their sprinting experiences.

Zhang Kun Lun: When I run, there’s always this Liu Xiang Zong in front of me blocking my path, so annoying.

Officer Wolf (Liu Ye): So what? What annoys me is the most annoying thing of all!

Zhang Kun Lun: And what would that be?

Officer Wolf: When I’ve been practicing these past two days, I’ve accidentally caused time to flow backwards. Now, who wouldn’t agree that would be the most annoying thing of all?

Zhang Kun Lun: Yeah, you’re so right! Einstein’s Theory of Relativity sucks!

(back to newsreport)

Newcaster: The priority of this case places very high on the agenda of police officials, and hence decided to strip away Officer Wolf’s badge, ordering him to immediately surrender to the police.

(song plays in the background ~ Kelly Chen’s “It’s all your fault”)

Summary before commercials

Narrator: Police officials have sent an officer out to capture the suspect, but he unfortunately ended up practicing his circus skills. The case has entered the most critical stage—is Einstein’s Theory of Relativity right or wrong? Find out after commercials!

(Intro again)

Intro Narrations:

The little steamed bun---that stirred up an earth-shattering bloodshed

(Nicholas Tse) A small incident—that twisted a young child’s innocence and virtue into one of humanities’ vices

What could have been the instigating force that had weakened his endurance to such a state?

(Liu Ye) Chinese officials have sent their best to capture the suspect of a high-profile murder-case, but have yet to complete the task. Now, what would be the reason for this?

Secrets lurk every corner of the case—it is only until the last minute that the truth shall be unveiled to the world.

Please sit tight and watch this special 2005 edition of “The blood case of the little steamed bun”

(back to show)

Newscaster: Just when everyone has lost all hope, there was suddenly word of earth-shattering news.

A witness at the murder scene has now sued Leader True Field to the National Supreme Court of Justice and the court has accepted this accusation.

On some day of some month, the court officially began trial of this case.

(court)

Old man in whiny voice: Start the trial at this instant! Bring forward the accused! Now, let the plaintiff (accuser) speak.

(circle around Nicholas Tse’s head)

Narrator: Now who is this person?

According to reports, his name is called “Xie (Tse) Wu Huan (Without Happiness)”. He used to be Zhang Qing Chen’s super fan. It was him who organized the rotten egg-throwing fiesta at General Manager Wang the other day. Why does he want to sue Leader True Field? Could he have some sort of evidence hidden under his sleeves?

(Text ~ Court Proceedings)

Old man (judge) in whiny voice: Da! The accused, how dare you! Were you the murderer?

Leader True Field: I didn’t kill him.

Tse Without Happiness (Nicholas): Nonsense! You did so kill him!

Leader True Field: I did not!

Tse Without Happiness (Nicholas): Did too!

Leader True Field: Did not!

Tse Without Happiness (Nicholas): Did too!

(rap music) Leader True Field: Did not! Did not!

Tse Without Happiness (Nicholas): Did too! Did too!

Leader True Field: Did not!

Tse Without Happiness (Nicholas): Did too! Did too! Did Too!

Judge (old man in whiny voice): Da! How dare you both sing rap in my court?!?!

Is there no justice at all?!?

Zhang Qing Chen (Cecilia in a man’s voice): Your honor,

Judge: Who are you?

Cecilia ~ Zhang Qing Chen: I am Zhang Qing Cheng. He didn’t kill anyone.

Narrator: The first witness in the case, Zhang Qing Chen, insists that Leader True Field did not kill the deceased. This is now turned the case into a stalemate.

However, a new face appeared just when the court trial was getting more exciting. His arrival caused everyone to gasp in shock. Now, who could he be?

Zhang Kun Lun: I am Zhang Kun Lun. I am here to turn myself in.

(red ad) The People’s Police reminds you:

Turning yourself in is the only road to take!

Turn yourself in now!

Hotline: 110

Zhang Kun Lun: That afternoon, I wore the leader’s (true field) clothes—it was me who killed General Manager Wang.

(white text)

Accordingly, the court of justice made a verdict. Zhang Kun Lun was sentenced to death, his execution immediately to take place. Although Leader True Field did not directly kill anyone, but he didn’t discipline his subordinates well enough, and thus has been sentenced to jail time of three years. And because Zhang Qing Chen (Cecilia) has been seen in public constantly putting on and taking off her clothes, has been sent to jail for behavioural rehabilitation for a year. On top of that, the court has made a stunning decision—because of Xie Without Happiness (Nicholas)’s contributions to the case, has given him the chance to run the execution.

Newcaster: In order to use this case as an opportunity to educate the entire nation, the television station has decided to broadcast the execution live.

However, it is during this live broadcast that another earth-shattering incident has occurred.

Just when Xie Without Happiness (Nicholas) was about to run the execution, he decided to spill his guts about a long-buried secret to Zhang Qing Chen (Cecilia).

Xie Without Happiness: I’ve waited for this moment for many, many years.

(evil laughter) Hahahahahhaa…

Zhang Kun Lun: You bastard! Let go of me! Let go of me!

Xie Without Happiness: (stroking Cecilia’s face) Babe…You were the first person to cheat me.

Have you forgotten? (points doughnut at Cecilia)

(text ~ Twenty years ago)

~ little kid eating doughnut, then gets caught up in a trap~

Girl: Give me back my steamed bun!

Boy: Fine, just promise to be my slave, and the steamed bun is yours!

Girl: If you let me down, then I’ll be your slave.

(he releases her)

Girl: Your crown is so pretty. Can I touch it?

Boy: Really, ya think? Alrightey, I’ll let you touch it. (giggles)

Here, touch it!

(girl thrusts crown at him, hitting him in the face, grabs bun and runs off, eats it)

Narrator: It turns out that during the tender age of seven years old, Xie Without Happiness stole the steamed bun of our five-year old little friend, Zhang Qing Chen. In order to retrieve back her steamed bun, little Zhang Qing Chen cheated little Xie Without Happiness. Ever since then, little Xie Without Happiness’s moral code and view of the world took a 180 degree turn. He turned from an innocent, fun-loving, helpful little boy into a cunning, ruthless, and small-minded little bastard. He wants REVENGE on little Zhang Qing Chen and now his opportunity has finally arrived.

(evil laughter from Nicholas)

Xie without Happiness: Have you forgotten? (hands her the doughnut) This is your very doughnut from back then. Now, I am going to rip it into smithereens!

Narrator: Please note, the origin of Xie Without Happiness’ steamed bun seems very peculiar. Let us recap back to twenty years ago…

(picture of little girl eating steamed bun)

Narrator: Look, THIS steamed bun got eaten!

(switch back to future)

Narrator: Then, where did Xie Without Happiness’ steamed bun come from?

Xie Without Happiness: Regarding this question, I don’t have much to say either---this is all part of the Director’s plans.

(sad music)

Narrator: It turns out, this was all an evil scheme by Xie Without Happiness. He first riled up General Manager Wang, inducing his desire to kill Zhang Qing Chen. Later, Zhang Kun Lun came to kill General Manager Wang. He then set up Leader True Field, and now under the Director’s plans, is using a steamed bun prop to further instigate Zhang Qing Chen.

The world is shocked. (monkey pictures)

Narrator: Just at this critical moment, Leader True Field used his life-time stock of learned skills from the City Patrol Team to magically open the lock and miraculously found a watermelon knife lying around—using it to rile up a life-death duel with Xie Without Happiness.

(Nicholas dies)

Text ~ 3 months later

(Kun Lun walking up in a field of flowers, plays with Cecilia)

Text: Ever since then, they lived happily ever after. (Cecilia is used as a kite again)

Newscaster: And hence, this murder case initiated by a steamed bun has now been unveiled to the world. It’s hard to believe that such a small steamed bun could stir up such a complex series of events. This evidently requires us to reflect on our society, especially children and their parents—who need to reconsider how they educate kids today, allowing them to develop the correct set of morals and view of the world.

NEVER copy Xie Without Happiness, secretly plotting revenge and holding a grudge over a steamed bun for over twenty years.

In addition, parents, you must warn your children, if they ever come across an Auntie with a weirdo hairstyle, regardless of what she asks, always reply “NO” in hopes of not missing out on key events in their life span.

Alright, that’ll be the end of today’s program. Thanks for viewing!