Chapter 28
A week had passed since Justin was killed, and things were still far from normal. Shannon hardly left the house. She hardly ate anything, and rarely said anything to anyone, except Chris. Chris, on the other hand, was always quiet and never said much to anyone either. Mandi had finally moved in with Lance, and they were doing well. Jessica took some time off from promoting her album and was always around, trying to help everyone feel better. JC took time off from producing as well so that he could spend more time with Jessica.
Early one morning, Chris woke up to find Shannon sleeping on the couch. The couch was her new bed; she refused to sleep in her own because Justin wasn’t there. He walked up behind the couch and swept the hair from her eyes, "Do you want some breakfast?," he asked her softly. She opened her eyes and nodded. Even though Chris had been keeping to himself a lot, he always seemed to act different around Shannon. She went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, waiting for her food. Chris sat down and gave Shannon her food. Shannon played with her food a little bit, and Chris noticed that she was a little disturbed. "What’s wrong?," he asked her. She just shook her head, "Nothing. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately." Chris sat his fork down on the table, "About Justin?" Shannon looked up at him, "Well, sorta. I’ve just been thinking about the way you have been treating me lately. And, well, I kind of feel guilty." Chris looked confused, "Guilty? Why?" Shannon sat her fork down as well, "Guilty because you remember how I had to decide between the two of you? Well, it was you I was going to choose. I don’t know why really. At the time, you always seemed to make me happier, but now. . now I think I was wrong. Nothing against you, Chris. You are a wonderful guy, but Justin meant so much to me, and I don’t think I ever realized just how much he did until he was gone. And now I can’t even tell him how sorry I am for putting him through that, and how much I love him. If you want to think about it, I’m the one that killed him. I killed him the second I doubted the love I had for him." Chris stared at her, not knowing what to say. "Don’t feel that way. You didn’t kill him." Shannon shook her head, "Maybe not physically, but mentally I did."
The day progressed uneventfully, Shannon just laid on the couch all day staring at the TV. Stations slowly stopped talking about Justin’s tragic death, but now, all the talk was about Britney. She was charged with murder, and she was fighting against it, saying that she didn’t do anything, that he killed himself when he fell in love with someone else. Shannon flipped through the channels, hoping to at least find a good movie on. Chris came in and sat in the chair, and Shannon tried not to acknowledge him. He just sat there and chewed on his nails, watching the TV, giving Shannon a quick glance every once in a while. Finally, Chris broke the silence between them, "Can you hand me the remote? You are watching CNN and no offense or anything, but that’s just ridiculous." As she threw the remote to him, hitting him in the shoulder with her bad aim, the phone rang. For the first time since Justin was killed, she got up and answered it. Chris just sat there and stared at her movements in shock. She answered it and just stared at the wall in deep thought. "Well, I don’t know Jess. I really don’t want to go out." There was a pause from Shannon and she started in again, "Yes, I realize that, but I’m not ready to move on. No, I can’t do that! I can’t just go out and fuck any guy from off the street. I have to have some feeling for the person, and right now, no one is getting any part of me." She twirled the phone cord around her finger and rolled her eyes, "Fine, I’ll go out, but I’m not going to be a happy camper all night. Alright, bye." She walked back into the living and sat down on the couch, burying her face in her hands. "What was that all about?," Chris asked her, turning down the volume on the TV. Shannon let out a sigh, "Jess and Mandi want me to go to the club with them to get my mind off things. JC and Lance are going too, but I really don’t want to." Chris sat forward in his chair, "Well, I don’t want to seem like I am taking sides, but I think you should go. Get out of the house.Sitting around here all day won’t help you get over Justin." Shannon stuck her bottom lip out mockingly but tried to be serious, "Yeah, but they have this idea that I am going to meet some guy and end up in bed with him by morning. I don’t want to do that. If I end up with someone again, which I doubt I will, I want it to mean something." Chris gave her a half smile, "Do you want me to go along, kind of like your date? That way you don’t have to worry about that happening and you can just go out and have a good time with no worries of icky guys picking you up?" Shannon smiled at him and got up, giving him a slight peck on the cheek. "Thanks, I’ll be upstairs getting ready."
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