VOYAGE HOME

It was a long ass line.

The setting? The Greyhound bus station. People were in line complete with bags, suitcases, and *eyeroll* significant others. I think...okay, I did eyeroll.

I focused on the point. Today was the day I was waiting for pay day for. Today was the day I got an one-way bus ticket back to Arkansas.

Hm. Long two years.

So...is it possible to go home again?

SOME THINGS...CHANGE...

I did not hesitate to drop my backpack and travel bag in the nearest chair. After two days on a bus with psychos, kids, and closetcases, it was nice to be in a heated house. It was also nice to see my friend Shaun.

Shaun was one of my colleges' friends. It had been years since I've sen him. He was still recovering from a divorce. He had been there when I had a breakdown over Kos. He could relate.

He could also relate to the buzzing coming from my cellphone. Everybody and their mama blew up my phone. I knew who it was. So did Shaun. It was all the friends who had not seen me in years.

And wow some of the changes I saw. First up was my college friend Jase. He was the manager of a store, doing an excellent job of looking professional. I never would have thought it was possible the long-haired, drink-loving guy would be the man standing in front of me, complaining about Black Friday sales.

Then there was Lee. The punk girl I knew had been recast with a Jennifer Connolly double. I felt like Cordelia Chase when she came out of the coma on ANGEL and saw Gunn for the first time.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "You have hair."

We sat and drank coffee. Lee, me, Shaun, and Lee's boyfriend. Lee had actually gotten a smart, military, sexy, buff boyfriend. She was happy. Watching the two of them interacting was just...cute. Unlike most couples I see, I didn't flinch or roll my eyes. It gave me hope maybe that would be me someday. And best of all, one of my best friends was happy.

Next was my bestest friend (and Bday Girl herself) M. Out of everyone I believe she was the one who it had been the longest time since I've seen. We went to the new Jonesboro mall and hanged. Maybe the Jonesboro folks saw a black man with a white woman. All I saw was my best friend giggling over my mancrazy ways.

Finally, I got to see Carl, my other best friend. It was funny walking into his job at the YMCA with M. He grabbed me in a big bear hug and it just felt right. Friends together again. Life falling into place.

You know...the way it should be. I had my support system back I had my friends back. It was...kewlness.

SOME THINGS...DON'T...

Dee was all for going out. M bowed out, having to go to hang with her son. Kate, another of Dee's friends, also bowed out so she would be able to hang with her visiting brother the next night. Dee and me out? Good beans.

Brickhouse was one of the several places that had opened up in Jonesboro since I left Arkansas. Two stories with a live band and video feed, it catered to all college types. Dee and I sat downstairs at the bar with a bottle of wine, watching the cute bartenders and taking pictures for her MySpace page.

At the start of Wine Bottle #2, that's when drunkenness kicked in. Carl was happy to show up. Lee was on her way. Another of my old friends, Sem, had appeared at Dee's summons. And then...Stephen walked in.

Stephen was one of my theater friends when I was going to college in Jonesboro. While I did have a crush on him my freshman/sophomore year, I accepted we were good friends and left it at that. Sure things got weird a few years ago when one of my friends leaked info about my crush on him, but we still talked. As I saw him enter the bar, I thought that wow...working out worked for him.

More wine and time later, Carl, Lee, Sem, and I sat around a table. We chatted up a storm. And little Drunken me had drunken eyes for one person.

"Stop it."

I looked at Carl. "Huh?"

"Stop looking at Stephen."

"Can't knock the view," I said jokily.

More chatting. Carl asked about Shaun. They had been tight friends before I moved. I laughed as I realized that the reason they weren't talking was a silly misunderstanding. I also found out that a friend of mine was in a car accident.

Buzzkill. All that liquor. All that shock. Add on the fact I was still adjusting to Ken's deteriorating condition, I freaked out on Carl. Why had no one told me? Why were my friends dropping like flies? Why--

Then I slammed the wineglass on the table. Shards of glass splashed across the table. Lee and Sem looked at me, looks of shock on their faces.

"Oops," I said. "Sorry."

If everyone had changed, one thing was still the same. Diego was the same quirky drunk he's always been.

SOME THINGS...MAKE THE HEAD WACK

I smiled. The plane ticket had been booked for the return to San Diego. Carl and Shaun goofed off, happy to be talking again. Then Shaun had to head to sleep before work. Carl and I sat down and zoned out on THE FALL GUY.

Then my phone ranged. It was M. She immediately got distracted so she had to hang up. At the same time, John called in from call waiting.

I wasn't surprised. He had sent me a drunken text last night. What I wasn't expecting to play therapist as he talked about his problems with gay Arkansas boys. When he finally asked me (of all people) why was it so hard for him to find a normal guy, John had me wigging.

When did John and I become such good 'just friends' that he could ask me that? I had to get off the phone quickly?

Later on, Kos texted me about an email he sent me. Since the last time we talked, I had blocked all of his emails. Apparently he had decided that I was a good genuine person (really?) and he still wanted me in his life. That was an idea that he hadn't given me any time to dissect. Given the 'therapy session' I went through with John, I wigged a bit over his texts.

Why can't I be happy with a guy?

Carl sat on his couch, his eyes on the television. He had replaced THE FALL GUY with the first PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEANS movie. I took in it while Carl got a blanket and took a brief nap.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: RAZOR came on. I stared at my cell phone, just thinking of my exes and their problems. I looked over at Carl. He was so comfortable with me, us being friends for almost ten years now, that he could fall asleep. I turned back to the television. With him, I felt safe, too. Comfortable.

I guess, I could be happy with a guy after all.

SOME THINGS...COME BACK WRONG?

I cried on the ride to the airport.

I did not want to come back to San Diego. All I felt in San Diego...was alone. Here in Jonesboro I actually felt connected in a way I didn't in San Diego. I had my friends. I had my support system back. I simply did not want to give it up.

I bought a SOAP OPERA WEEKLY for the plane. As I looked through my wallet, I saw something was among my money. Somehow, I had gotten ahold of Sem's business card. I grinned.

"Clever girl," I commented.

Still it gave me a bit of hope. Friends may get too busy to call all the time. But that card? It told me...maybe...I still had support. That had not changed.

I, however, felt like I had changed. I was going back to San Diego refreshed. I was ready to hit the ground running.

Would I make it?

Diego



 

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