COMFORTABLE
People always want more. A new home. More pay. An easy fix. Sometimes they are so busy wanting that they do nothing or if they do, they are not happy.
For me, I sat on the bus on my way to Retailo Techo. It was going to be a long day since I also went to the second job at The Family Restaurant.
It had been a month since I've been at my two jobs. My quirky personality won over my co-workers. My work ethic impressed my supervisors. I felt that I fit in fine at my jobs.
Truth? I was bored.
When did I become comfortable? Or the more important question...did I want to be comfortable?
THE ROOKIE
While the food industry might have some good traits, it was not the retail industry. When the hiring manager at Retailo Techo interviewed me and hired me, I was shocked. I've been searching for a job for a while...and this was new to me. She took a chance on me. Would it be worth it?
"So have you thought about staying after the holiday?" one of the senior associate asked a month later.
I paused as I put my backpack in my locker. I frowned. Did she just ask me that?
Over the next few days, I was shot with more questions. The only difference was it was from other senior sale associates. They asked if I liked my job. They wondered if I wanted to be full time. They pondered if I like my other job.
I looked at them as if they had mistaken me for the Queen of England. They could not really be interested in me full time, could they? I mean that customers do not seem as willing to talk to me as much as other sales associates even thought I'm the cheeriest. I did not think I captured the customer like our best senior associate. They could not really want me.
OH, YES THEY CAN
I like Retailo Techo. I may have to get up early, but I'm done most days and I can go home...or to the second job. I like the fact there are outlets all over the United States. I like the fact that there was the opportunity to be paid more than I ever was at the deli. I like the fact there was a chance for advancement.
It made me think of the character Illyana in the television show ANGEL on the episode 'TimeBomb.' In the episode, she badgered Angel on his conflict over running the evil law firm Wolfram and Hart. She saw the potential and power in that place and thought he should embrace it as well instead of being wishy-washy.
I saw the potential in being at Retailo Techo. I saw it from the moment my manager mentioned commission. I went through the training. I learned enough to work on a register and greet customers. I was comfortable with the job and the people...my co-workers. I wanted to learn more.
I finished putting my backpack in my locker. My thoughts could wait. It was time to get on the sales floor. Besides I did not know what I wanted to do. The status quo was okay with me. It was comfortable. Why wreck it?
BROKEBACK BOI
For me it might as well be the movie of the year. Ever since I heard of it the summer of last year, I wanted...no, needed...to see it. It kept being pushed back and forth in the movie schedule. Now it was here!
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN had opened. Not only had it opened, but it had opened down the street from my sisters' house...in the heart of Gay Hillcrest. I had taken a first strike hike to the theater as soon as I heard it would open there. It was a twenty minute walk...nothing I was not used to.
Besides as a disciple of the Jake Gyllenhaal Alter of Hottie, I was going.
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN...was...okay. The story of two gay cowboys (or ranch hands depending on how you see it) had been critically praised by...well...everybody. At the time, I didn't see why.
The next day I restocked at Retailo Techo. That morning, I opened with Chase. He had been an assistant manger at a store in Texas. Now he trained for his own store.
I could not figure him out. There were days where he seem to act straight and hold conversations. Other days, he seem a little too interested in me...where I was from (he used to stay pretty close to Jonesboro. Small world.), my interests, where I lived, when I was going out. That made me wonder if he was gay and interested in me. In any case, I took his presence in strive.
Today was different. I cleaned the glass cases. He happened to pop within my line of vision, his back to me. Chase's back was big like the rest of him. Something in me just wanted to walk over to him and plant a kiss on him.
I frowned. I was not that interested in Chase. I wondered where that thought came from. Then again, I was not really that interested in anyone here. I thought about the fact that I was not letting anyone in like Heath Ledger's character in BROKEBACK...and he winded up alone because of it.
I don't want to be alone.
And that's when BROKEBACK got into my head. My past feelings attacked me, going back all the way to Matt, my high school crush. I was so Jake Gyllenhaal to his Heath. I waited two years for him and in the end; he broke my heart due to his indecision. I waited for Rob. I waited for John. I wait for Kos. What if Kos does not make it? Something stops him and he does not show up in May?
People do not just stand still. People change. People grow.
I looked around me. I loved this store. I loved the opportunity it gave me. I could grow here.
I was comfortable here at Retailo Techo. It was a nice feeling. However, I could not forget it...like my second job and staying with my sister...was a stepping stone. My goal was to be a writer. In order to be a writer, I had to evolve. I had to grow.
Comfortable is nice. Comfortable was also boring.
COMFORTABLE
People want a lot of things in life. They usually are so busy wanting it that they do nothing to get it, just satisfy to make it to the next day. They get comfortable in their day-to-day life and stop growing.
Life is constant growing. A person who stops growing die a slow death.
My goal coming to San Diego was to become a writer. I've been so busy getting comfortable with two jobs that I almost forgot. I stopped growing to that goal. If getting comfortable cost me my goal, then I don't want it.
Today I sat in The Other Side. Cars sped past the glass windows. I watched them moving past. They were a good metaphor for me. They did not stand in place. They moved forward.
It was time I did the same.
Diego
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