Note: Written months earlier...


THE BALANCE

Three weeks into my senior year. Verdict? I'm already over-exhausted. Right now, the bus heads downtown. From there, I transfer to another bus that will drop me off in front of my house. Next I'll wash clothes, iron work clothes, and look into information for an oral presentation I give next week. From there, it's off to E-Z Mart where I work 3rd shift. Then I'll get some sleep before I come back to campus and repeat.

Isn't the life of a senior nice?

THE CONFLICT OF BUSY

I started with four classes. This was the semester where I was more theater-oriented because I have to earn 3 production credits.

Of course, I had no idea that my commitment would be time-consuming as this. I will have to work on technical things and hope I hit the 20 hour mark. Several teachers will supervise me. Then I have to put in more hours to earn my hours in my Stagecraft class. With the combination of papers in that and my History of Theatre class, I felt like I have a second job again. The only difference is I feel like I've being devoured.

I was in my Myth and the Modern World class working on a prologue for my next novel when it occurred to me. I haven't written in weeks. That made me think of my stories and how they had fallen to the wayside.

I went to the computer lab to email my teacher about an appointment. After that, I sat and typed on a story for ALTERNATE SPIN. At first, I felt irritated. I slowly got into it, but I worry.

Yes, I want to graduate. However, writing is me. Hanging out with my friends Cor and Ken made me see how important it is to live while you also work. Can I balance my desire to write and my drive to graduate?

FRIENDS: HELP OR HINDER

I went to see RESIDENT EVIL 2 with some old friends. I thought it was great. A pure escapist movie designed to take me away from everyday worries. However, I was at home later on wondering if I should have gone out.

Over the last few days, it appear that things have changed. I have morphed back into the psychologist/confidante to my friends. Cor called me to discuss the hardships of balancing two jobs and going to school for the first time. Ken called me because he wanted to discuss sex questions or the hardship of finding a boyfriend. Glenn called me because we don't go out to coffee like we used to. I feel good that people notice I'm not around as much. That brought up the flip side of that though: I don't spend as much time with friends.

I would love to go out and kick it with them on Friday and Saturday night like I use to. I work on those nights now. Sometimes it feels like I have to do it for them or they freak. I love my friends, but sometimes I wonder....like the character from the Broken Hearts Club...if they hold me back.

NO MORE DRAMA

I met with John.

For weeks, it was push and pull between us. I felt like I had become such a rock for him. The idea of being depended on another person freaked us both out, but we worked through it.

Then John started throwing obstacles up between us. He was so exhausted. He was busy with work. He forgot to call. He was dating other people. He was a druggie.

Finally, I confronted John with my feelings and how I wanted him to be happy. He told me where he stood and of the dating five people. Basically, instead of an yes or no, John gave me a yes AND no.

I knew what I had to do.

I wanted John and the fact that he knew that meant he would always bring drama into my life with his push and pull. So I pushed him away. I told him to get out of my life. He confronted me with my feelings for him. I confronted him with graduation. My need to graduate was better than my want for him. The best way to make sure my want never overrode that need was to keep him away from me.

He was on his own...with his five men.

I was alone...no more drama. I did what needed to be done.

BALANCING OF THE ARTS

Now I split my time at work. There's time to clean as there always is. Also now there is the time I now take to write. Homework has also started to be squeezed into my life (Cuz you know...want to graduate).

I finally have my times to work at the theater. With the play fastly approaching, I hope I clock in my hours. Of course, it sets my schedule firmly, but it's what's needed.

The friend situation is a little bit of a stretch. There has been so many changes and I want time to work on me. However, I want to make time for my friends.

*s* I find it funny that I finally get my feet onto the graduation road and start to get a balance and now I still have an imbalance.

I got a balance going on though. The steps have been taken. All I have to do is keep going. Then...focus will come. As will balance.

Diego (saw Chicago and thought it good)

Send thoughts, comments, and opinions to anya_at_willow@yahoo.com.


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