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JULY 18, 2012

"So who's your favorite superhero?" he asked.

I hesitated for a second. Then...

"Jean Grey," I answered.

"Me, too?"

I gave a knuckle-thump.

Later on...I looked at my cup. It was there that I saw it. He had written JEAN GREY on my cup.

I think I was in love.

The setting? Starbucks in the Gaslamp in San Diego. I had come out of my room after a long, long day of promoting DARKENED SOUL and an even longer period of time of second job looking. I wanted to feel some of the craziness. And by craziness I would be talking about San Diego Comic Con.

But I guess I should back up first shouldn't I? Because I would have to let the cat out of the bag.

I WAS BACK IN SAN DIEGO.

After talking about it, mentioning it, and thinking about it waaaaaaaaaaaay too much, I had moved back to San Diego as I continued to wait to hear from my writing program in L.A. But of course, that was a talk...or better yet COLUMN...for a different day.

Tonight, I was just tired of being up in my about-to-be-permanent-apparently room. I wanted to be out in the crowd, but separate from it. I wanted to be not sitting in a box worrying about if I was going to get the second job (since I transferred here on the strength of my first). I was so sick of discussing, thinking, and talking about money since I've done nothing but put out applications...and will probably do the same when I get back to the room.

For now, all I wanted to do was write.

And while I had too fanfic SLIDERS stories in the can that I could be typing up, I...was not feeling it right now. I loved that my baby DARKENED SOUL was finally published, but the hours of promoting it was exhausting. I wanted to do something else.

So here I was. Writing on here for the first time in forever...just to say...

???

Is there anything to say?

I just wanted to express myself. To write again. To think. Okay, to look at a few hotties. lol. All and all I had to just get into my head. Be that outsider looking in...even when he's in the center of everything.

After all...is that not all that I was?



JANUARY 29, 2012

Options.

Opportunities.

New beginnings.

That has been pretty much what has been going on.

In a few short months...and definitely by the end of the year, I would not be in Little Rock, AR anymore. More than likely, I would be back in San Diego again. Or if there was a surprise coming, I would be back in Manhattan. I was not sure yet due to money (not to mention) a job being a factor.

But in light of some sad news...and the realization that I've overstayed my welcome...and the fact that there's nothing here for me in Little Rock, it was good to see me motivated again.

Today was great. I had found out a few days ago that DARKENED SOUL and HE AWAITS...had both been rejected from the potential publisher that I had sent it to. I was surprised since there had been so many responses to the open call, and the publisher thought that it had a lot of great responses that they were going to get to in personal emails. So seeing that standard reply? Just...ugh.

My laptop had died again, a combination of my temper and an installation problem. With that gone, and little hours, I have had to go back to the library and use my computer time when I could. With that in mind, I had gone through my writer folder again. I had leads. They were leads that I had spent today going through.

What does my gut say?

It said that DARKENED SOUL should be self-published. It had the concept. It had the possiblities. It had short stories. Apparently, from the many times I have had to submit it, it was maybe too much of a hybrid. It was horror. It was sci-fi. It was dystopian fantasy. Maybe the publisher just did not get it or its market...even when it was spelt out in a cover letter.

Fine. Let's see how the world felt about that.

Did that mean that I should pass by traditional publishing?

No.

As I went through my old folder, I found some new leads. I had an idea for HE AWAITS again. I had been on computers all day and I now had a new idea for PICTURES OF A JADED BITCH. I felt excited.

So...it began.

I could only hope that by this time next year...I would be where I wanted to be.

I would be a writer.

Scratch that. I would be a PUBLISHED writer.

:)


 

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