Take a look at me now...theres just an empty space
Well where do I start? I can think of a few things to start with but I won't. Cause yeah I've included some pretty emotional and private stuff about me on here, and yes I did talk about one person in particular, and yes I did name his name - my ex husband, Al. And yes I did talk about Lori, my lil twin, about Alex and well lemme think of anyone else that I talked about. Talked about Patrick too, didn't name him tho, didn't think I had to.
Out of all the names listed above only one I talked bad about, and I have issues with him and her as anyone that knows me well enough to know. But never once did I talk bad about anyone else. Never once did I publically talk about someone's personal life other than my own. I never in a round about way ever talked about what they were doing, or what they shouldn't have done ...ect.
I would never do that to someone. Talk about them. Sure I may think thoughts about the issue they are dealing with, but I would never go on the world wide web and air it. Well this was done to me. And I know the person that did it reads my blog. And yano, yes I did get upset about it. But I was like, oh well I'm just cared about. Didn't say anything about it. Just let it go. Even when I knew a certain person would see it, knowing it was me being talked about.
Well..........
I learned some things tonight that have really bothered me. I guess at age 30 I'm still thought of as a child. That I can't make decisions on my own.
Can't tell people something without it already being told to them. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something that was very private and learn that what you would have liked to have talked to them about was already told to them and that lil info was kept from you? Or would you like it when this info was told to them, that it was done to be hurtful?
Thats every day life I guess. But to me that is something that has hurt me endlessly. I am so very hurt over this. At first I was extremely mad. Now I'm just hurt.
I am a 30 year old woman. I have been married and divorced. I have practually raised myself. Other than a bad marriage (which in it's self is a hard thing)I don't think I've done that bad with myself.
Sure I would change a few things if I could, but hey those mistakes make you the person you are today for the future. All my life everyone has always thought they knew what was best for me, and yes at times I have to admit they were right. But right now I am in the process of trying to make my life better. Trying to learn myself, get to know myself. And in this time I have learned that you can't trust no one really. Only person you can trust is yourself. And that's a shame really. Cause I am very trustful to people I care about. So now I just have to be more careful about that cause that trust has came back and hurt me very bad.
I realize that I am doing the very same thing as what was done to me. But I have to do this. Because if I don't it will eat me alive. Oh sure I could just let it all spill, but what good is that? Only hurts people and I hate to hurt anyone. I realize that I do at times and that in itself hurts me.
But this time, I have realized that I was talked about to be truely hurtful to me. And not only in a blog...in emails as well.
When the one person you think you can trust with your thoughts and feelings turn that around on you and feel they have to "let the cat out of the bag" well I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of person. If you tell me something and I honestly know you are having big issues with it, I would never in a million years repeat anything that has been said to me or what I have saw.
I realize not everyone is like that. And I found that out the hard way earlier tonight. Funny thing was I already knew the situation and knew what was a very personal thing that I was dealing with, was told to the one person that I was trying to in my own way tell about. And yes I would have told it, in my own way, when I knew the time was right. Because you see, just because you know you need to tell someone something, doesn't mean you tell them right away. You have to make sure that you know what you are going to say (especially when the subject is so tender to begin with) and then you pick the time you are comfortable telling them. Cause when you start to tell them, you know it's not easy. Well see, I was going to do just that. I knew the right time and place to let this all out and I find out it was already let out for me. When the facts weren't straight no less.
Well I got to tell my secret, the one that has been eating and burning a hole through me. Just would have been nice if I hadn't of been the second person to tell it.
Who knows, maybe I am a child. Maybe I can't make decisions, but yano, I try. And I was gonna do the right thing, and now it turned into a mess. But not for me it didn't. Because you see, I did get to tell my secret...and I wasn't judged when I told it to the person that it was directed to. Unlike the person that felt they had to run and tell something that they knew nothing about.
And I am sad to say that the one person I thought would never hurt me, did just that.
So anyways everyone take care.
I love you all.
Misty
