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The Celebration Corporation

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

Valentines Day. Seriously, Wtf.
I went to my dads last night for a good old fashioned visitation rights sleepover. Now, usually, since I have to get up at like, 6:30 to go to school, I either have to be woken up by an alarm clock, or a parent. If im not, then I can literally sleep in for 20 hours. So I woke up at around 10:30, confused as fuck. My first thought was, is my dad fucking dead?

I stumbled out of my twin-bead and tried to focus my vision. I then went into my dads room. Spontaniously, I decided to pick up a nearby cardboard bx, and whip it at his head. After my dad go up and did the whole "wtf just happened" thing, he told me that today was a snow day. So i go to my computer to log into msn. I figure out that my friends are going to see Smokin Aces, so I say im going with them.

I was back in brooklin now, bored as fuck. So i decided to get some more participants for the watching of the movie..... thingy, by breaking into bvps at lunchtime, and helping 6 students skip school to come see the movie with us. It was a pretty good movie. Lots of bloody gun/chainsaw/knife fights, and some chopped off fingers here and there, but it was actually really good.

After the movie, we spent about an hour gangshooting some virtual zombies and attempting to understand the expert level of DDR. Just watching josh pretty much have a seizure on that dance floor made me nearly piss myself.

We also filmed this video of me drinking from a water fountain while josh held the on button with his dick. We ended up laughing our asses off, I spewed out some water all over jasons girlfriend. We spent our last 5 minuits wondering how long it will take the staff members to figure out that we all snuck into an R rated movie.

So, I make my way home in josh's car, singing cumbaya the whole way. I get dropped off, and then pretty much pass out on my couch. What a great valentines day I had.

Posted by blog/capnjack at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Friday, 16 February 2007 12:25 AM EST
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

Spermacide. Its like suicide, with sperm.
Now Playing: 'Pinch, Blink, Stay ALive" - Extra Blue Kind
Alright, before I go on, I would like to take the time to answer a comment that was replied to my prevoius blog post.

"kay dude. i like Hedley..
JH is hot. and i totally pOWNED a guy(haha you dont like that word though) in a music "quiz"
the dances do suck. all slow songs in the middle.
and jack, the reason that you dont get to go to the dances is cause you never get your work done. its true you have a alot to do, but really. do it when you get it and then POOF you can go

p.s. alex wouldnt miss the dances. KRISTEN is there.
haha
=P

EQUALS DEEEEEE
JACQUELINE"

Alright, I would first like to say, that I respect your taste in hedley, and Im not gonna go on slamming hedley simpley because I dont like them. You can like who you like, but just understand that there are some bands out there that I just dont like, and hedley is on my list. I mean, I can bring up the fact that Jacob Hoggard literally pranced around in skin tight pants, slicked hair, and a gay-pride moustachio, on stage on new years eve, but im not going to. I understand that chicks like, and like to hang out with gay guys. I dunno why, its probably their feminin fashion sense. But I dont really care.

Secondly, I didnt post to simply express my hate for he fact that I had to to work during the dance. That was definately a factor. But I just want to clarify one thing. I believe that I could have finished all my work and gone to the dance, but I felt that It was nowhere near worth it. I didnt want to wast my weekend doing schoolwork just to have the 'privelage' to go to a valentines dance in which they play only about 3-4 slow songs. Im not taking my anger out on anyone.



Today was one of those interesting/wierd/funny days that I have been having a lot of lately. Yes, thats right kiddies, we had sex education. Where do I begin... Well, first off, we were told to do this t or f worksheet on STD's. And I was asking the teacher if we culd learn about STDs with funnier names, like blue-balls, crabs, etc. I then proceeded to ask if I could bring in some 'educational' sexual education videos. I sure have a lot of good ones at home. If anything will teach us, its that.

A change of subject: I decided this morning, to dress a little more, how I wanted to portray myself. I came in with my hair all straightened and my eyeshit. I would usually only dress like that on weekends, due to the fact that I didnt want to go through the inconvenience and overall annoyance of the whole 'spencer poser' thing. I dunno if It was a good thing or a bad thing to do. But what the hell, you dunno until you try.

I remember there was more that happened today, but I forget, so fuck you. Awww im just kidding. You know i love you, whpever you are.


Posted by blog/capnjack at 12:01 AM EST
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Monday, 12 February 2007

And you, Grande!!!
Now Playing: 'Super Mario Rap' - Benefit
Today was one of those days where at first, things are going awesome, and then you just get shat on. The beginning of the day was pretty damn good. My highlight of the day was presenting my French animation. It went 10 times better than I thought it would. A few people crowded around and watched it, and then laughed their asses off. I felt pretty proud of myself right there. I wasnt going to post it, but what the hell. I even edited it with an unscensored credits song. You might have to set it to medium or low quality depending on how good your computer is (right click). Also, FOR BEST RESULTS, SET THE DIMENSIONS TO 480x360!!

A French-Ass Mario Interview

Reminder: Its in French. Please comment some feedback!

The second half of hte day sucked balls. I was stuck in a third grade classroom doing nothing but math work, while everyone else in the intermediate division was in the gym dancing. Now, I could somewhat understand if they made us do every last bit of homework we havnt handed in, for all of the previous dances, but this is valentines day. Try to have somewhat of a soul. The vp/my teacher have this theory that if you dont have every last bit of homework done, you do not deserve to have fun, and apparently having fun is a privelage (straight out of the horse's mouth). A bit cruel in my oppinion.

However, If I did get all of my work done, it wouldnt be worth it to go to the dance. The dj sucked balls. He played shit like YMCA, we like to party, and Hedley. HEDLEY!!! come on!! This is one of those poserific dj's that you would hire for:

a) A cheezy wedding party

b) A retirement home event

c) A childs birthday party

Next dance, I just plan to see if Alex just wants to skip and go to his house or something. Id rather stay home then go to that dance.

Also, due to more and more E-mails I have been recieving over the whole 'omg the vp cant discriminate your religion' thing, I have decided to consider issueing Opporation: Arrgh! In which next Friday, everyone who wishes to participate will dress in a full pirate costume. If you dont have one, be creative!! rip up some jeans, wear a stuffy white dress shirt, some jewlerry, a bandanna, and your set! Pastafarian or not, everyone can join in!

-Jack

Alex got his hair cut!!! Hahahahaha!!!

Posted by blog/capnjack at 11:23 PM EST
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Sunday, 11 February 2007


Now Playing: "This Is Halloween" - Marilyn Manson
Well, once again, I have been inconvenienced by another school suspension, thank you Ms. vp. I feel as If each reason for suspension has become more and more ridiculous over time, and some of these acusations which are thrown at me almost daily, are beginning to ger somewhat old and repetitive.

Suspension #1: In a nutshell, I was suspended for, filming a random video of everyone on my bus, and posting it over youtube. I was almost literally dragged into the office to have a little 'chat' with Ms. vp, Ms. p, and good ol' mommy. My vp was furious at what I had done.

Foolishly and ridiculously, she decided to accept the absolute worst case scenario of things, and decided to accuse me for being rsponsible for the possible rape and molestation of each and every one of the students on the bus. Apparently, by posting a video on youtube, with millions of other videos on the site, and by adding absolutely no information as to where I, or any of the students on the bus live, I am responsible for the fact that many child molesters are now after those students, simply because their face was shown for half a second. I was pretty much dumbfounded when I first heard this.

So, I get suspended, bummer. I was then banned from ever bringing my laptop to school, which is stupid because not only did my laptop not even play a role in what happened, but even if I did use it to do something like that in school, there are absolutely no internet connections from within the school. I am still furious at this due to the fact that I spent a fair portion of my summer working my ass off to raise the money to buy the laptop, so that I could use it in school. She doesnt care though.

Suspension #2: My teacher decided to bring matches to class. It was so that we could use them to make some sort of puzzle (although toothpicks or QTips could be used just as well). So, having a pile of matches directly in front of me, I lit one. Once again, next thing I know, Im suspended. My question is, If you're that stupid as to let a class of 8th graders play with matches, don't you deserve to have a fire start? my teacher was never able to answer.

(most recent) Suspension #3: Ok, this one, I feel, is possibly the most idiotic reason for suspension I have ever seen. I was suspended for 3 reasons:

Reason #1: As almost all of you have been forced to know, I am a Pastafarian, meaning I worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). As a part of this religion, every Friday is a religious holiday, actually, it is the holiest holiday of them all. All Pastafarians are encouraged to dress up in pirate regalia, as pirates are known as 'His chosen people.'

So I go to school, dressed up in my homemade pirate costume, eyepatch and everything. I was pretty saddened when the vp came in during my lunch and bitched about my choice of clothing. So I told her that it was a part of my religion, and I even showed her my trusty 'Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster' to prove it. Next thing I know, I get a message on my phone asking If I would 'not express my beliefs in such a way again.'

Long story short, she doesnt want me to express my religious beliefs at school. She obviously thinks my religion is ridiculous, and feels like she must discriminate it. To this day, I am furious that someone would say something like that to another person simply for expressing their religious traditions.

Reason #2: I brought my laptop to school to present a french animation project. I even had a note from my mom just incase my vp decided to bitch again. Aaaand she did. She pulled me into the office, and took my laptop. I showed her my note, but as usual, she didnt care. She believed that I was only bringing my laptop to school so that I could use it to take pictures and videos of the students in my class in order to make some sort of kiddy-porn site. Not only can you not make a kiddyporn site with regular everyday pictures (unless thats what turns you on), but I cant even take pictures and videos with my laptop (which I have told my vp millions of times).

What was even funnier, was that she though Alex K was using his Ipod to record people during class and pretty much do the same kiddyporn site thing. Once again, not only can you make a kiddyporn site with recordings, but you cant evern record with an Ipod.

My vp has this theory that people have the right to not release their voice or image. If that were true, 1, people would rarely talk, and 2, people would have to drink some sort of invisibility potion. I have tried to remind her time and time again, that a large portion of teens around the world have websites in which they post pictures of people. So go complain to them, not me.

Reason #3: During a last-period english class, I spot this plastacine molded penis sculpture on the corner of the counter. So I bring it to my table, and we all have a good laugh. Next thing I know, I get a call saying im once again, suspended. This reason I feel is retarded. I didnt even get a single chance to try and explain my side of the story. The vp believes that I made the thing, and she isnt really one to change her beliefs, no matter how much evidence is opposing her. My last point on this is: Isnt a penis sculpture known as a work of art. I mean, how often do you see an art drawing/painting/sculpture of a naked person, etc. lots. Its one of the most popular art forms.

I feel as If the vp is simply trying to make each and every day of mine a living shitpile. I have no idea why. I dont try to piss her off. I guess there are just some things that you just cant answer. All I have to do is go to school as if everything were normal, except I'll be dressed in a full pirate costume.

-Jack

(PS, please try to not email me about how you think its unfair for people to discriminate other religions. I have enough of them. Please leave a comment, and I'll read it)

Posted by blog/capnjack at 12:01 AM EST
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