
----**** ~Camy's Blog~ ***---- 7~5~03 sighi miss my boyfriend sooooo much!!!right now he's away at the Cayman Islands with his parents,i miss him like crazy,i am sure he is missing me too,I LOVE YOU SO MUCH CURT^_^you're the greatest thing that's happened to me in a very long time,and i am just so glad he loves me as much as i do too,anyways,i really dont feel like typing muchlol,so Later Peace out. 7~6~03 sighaarrrrr i'm still missing Curt like crazy,dang this is so weird not talking to him for days:(,i need him badly,never thought i'd need someone this bad,but i do,he's just the love of my life,i mean honestly,i would love to spend the rest of my life with him for real. So anyways,i am very excited about how i am learning to skateboard,i usually do it w/my sister Raiza cuz shes a lil better than me,and she's my sis of course,and plus i dont know any girls who can actually skate,i know girls who run and workout,but not skate,only my sis,plus she knows some kids who can skate reaaally good,so they can teach her,meanwhile i guess i can find somebody that will give me a few tips on skating,that'd be cool,i'm also thinking about getting back into inline skating,that was so much fun,when i used to do it,still have the skates but havent got on'em in a long time.I am also trying to get a job so bad!cuz i need it!the more money the better,more things i will be able to accomplish,i wanna make myself extremely proud of all the things i accomplish,sigh* i just wanna do so many things,sometimes it seems impossible when money is lacking,but hey if i get a job everything will be alright,i just need to get one ASAP!!........shit i gotta go to bed,its like 4:58 am and i'm still up,Later! ^_^~Camy~ 7~6~03 OK it's 8:00 pm now i just finished talking to my b/f,i was gonna get off the computer but then i remember i had to write in my blog,so i got again,i just didnt sign on to my aim. Anyways,OMG like i said i just talked to Curt,and i am so happy that finally i have heard his voice i've missed him like crazy,i know he missed me but he didnt sound as excited as i was,i dont know maybe i'm just exagerating,let me stop being sillylol i know he missed me period lol. Anyways,today i got up reaaaaally late,it was like 5 lol well i just went to bed this morning that's why,so of course i needed my sleep. I'm sure tonight i'll end up going to bed late late late. But i dont like to go to bed so late,i need to start organizing my sleeping pattern a bit. Once i get a job it'll be different cuz like i'll be working in the morning which means i gotta go to bed not too late and wake up early. I was gonna go fix up something on my skateboard today and skateboard for a lil bit,but that didnt happen,tomorrow though,hopefully i will,and i'll be at my grandma's for a while,so anyways,i'm gonna go workout,so then i can take a shower and maybe TRY to go to bed lol if i can,i'm sure it wont be hard to fall asleep now that i have talked to my sweetieSMILES Later ~Camy~ 7~7~03 well it's like 11:00 pm now,my day was great except i dont know what's wrong w/Curt,i mean it's just that ever since he got back from the Caymans,he's been acting a lil weird,i mean maybe i'm exagerating,but if something bothers me it's cuz i'm not,i mean ok number one,when he called me the day he got back from the Caymans,he didnt sound as excited as i was to hear his voice,i mean here i am missing him so much and wishing i was w/him and there he is just saying 'Hey what's up' i mean c'mon!at least he could've said 'Hey sweetie!'ok anyways,number 2 he really doesnt talk much ever since,like he does BUT i mean usually he's making jokes or laughs at mines(maybe is that mines are stupid jokes lol)and like usually he comes up w/lots of things to talk about and he's so sweet blahblah,well lately like i have to come up w/things to say,and things to talk about,and today i was in such a good mood,trying to cheer him up just being me like i always am,and well he really......sigh i dont know its weird,he's kinda distant and quiet!!arrgghhh!and 3 well today i was talking to him about how i'm learning HTML and well it happens that he doesnt know what HTML is,and i told him that was weird!i mean even my 14 yr old sister knows what html is,well maybe i could've been a lil less honest,but hey i'm VERY honest person so..i told him i was sorry though,i mean i apologized cuz i felt bad after that,it sounded like i was calling him dumb or something,which he's not he's very very smart,one of the things that made me fall in love w/him:)anyways,so like after i said that he kinda got a lil attitude w/me,it's like dang chill boy!lol i mean i honestly didnt know that he had no idea what html stands for,and what it means,but anyways....honestly..today i had to cut our conversation short cuz i had to finish my workout but also cuz there wasnt any point for me to stay on the phone,there really wasnt,it's not just about hearing his voice say 'hey what's up' or 'i love you',i mean i need to hear more than that,lately i feel like i'm talking to the phone and not my boyfriend,ok like the first day i didnt pay much attention to this,i thought i was just being silly,but he's been acting like that today too,so it's like ok there must be something wrong here,i dont know,either there's something wrong w/our relationship,or he's having problems of some kind,i am getting worried,i just know for sure something's up,cuz i know him well inside and outlol(wink)and he hasnt been himself lately,i love him so much,with all my heart,God it would hurt me so much to lose him,i mean what if his feelings are changing for me? oh geeez that would be terrible!!let me not even think about that,i mean he tells me he loves me still,but i dont know,saying i love you is not the only way to show someone that you love them,there's other ways.....but anyways,i really do love him so much,i'm gonna have to ask him if everything's ok w/him,i have to,not only is he my boyfriend but we're such great friends,and he knows he can tell me anything,but i feel like there's something he's not telling me,i dont know what to do,am i doing something wrong?i mean i dont think so,i mean i really dont wanna argue w/him or anything,i just need to find out if everything's ok:(i worry about my cutie and about our relationship....so i dont know im gonna talk to him for sure,dont know when but i will but other than this,today i had a great day:)i got up,got ready to go take that job application,called Curt just to say 'i love you' but he didnt answer,he tried to call back but i dont know i guess my phone's crazy sometimes lol anyways after that went took that application to the Grand Courts,hope i get a job soon,i need one and i want one!!so i can do all the things that i've been wanting to!!after that went to my grandma's house,chilled there for a while then came back home,skateboard,and then workout,then talked to Curt,in the middle of my workout,then after i was done finished working out,ate dinner took a shower and now i'm here writing this.......sightime to head to bed,and hope that tomorrow the day will be as great as today,if not better,and that everything btw me and Curt will get better and better,i love him dearly,and i always will....i'm out ~Camy~ 7~8~03 sighwell shiiiiit,i cant say i'm in a good mood or happy cuz i'm not!!me and my b/f are taking a break!! i cannot believe this is happening,not to Camy and Curt,i mean right now i am typing this in btw tears,i mean like even though i agree w/this break thing,it makes me so sad!like ok i know that the best thing for both of us is taking a break right now cuz see,ever since he's been acting this way its' kinda made me think whether i need a relationship or not,i mean i dont like having to worry about all the shit load of problems that happen in a relationship,but the thing is i love him so much,this is all just so confusing!!!arrrgh,sighi need to take my mind off of all this!i just feel like leaving right now at night and just go running or somethingsighbut i wont,well i sure will be running and skating more than ever,and hopefully getting a job soon,i need to occupy my life as much as possible,i dont wanna end up in my room crying about this everyday,and gosh everytime i hear a song that we both like or see something that i know he likes makes me wanna cry!but anyways,i guess i am single:( as of now,single for a while,God this is so weird!i hope we get back together someday,unless my feelings change too,ya never know,i'm a human just like him and feelings change sometimes no matter how much you love someone,oh but something for sure,i will always love him whether it's as a friend or boyfriend,let's hope he doesnt take too long,i mean yah i want him to take his time,cuz i want him to be sure of what he wants,but i mean like taking months to figure out if wants to continue w/the relationship,nah,cuz he will lose me,not as a friend,but he will lose a great g/f,not cuz i will date anybody else( i dont want anybody else just him)but maybe if he takes too long by the time he decides to have me back it will be too late cuz i will probably have decided to stay single for a while,but let's not think that will happen i just want him so bad!!but anyways no matter what happens w/ 'us' he will always have me in his life though,that is a promise,i am always going to be a friend to him,always,God i love him so much!!!i just feel like hugging him right now just to let him know how big my love for him is,and i wish he knew no other girl could love him like i do,my love is SOOOO big for Curt,but anyways :( I need to be strong to deal w/this,and i will be. I'm out,later. ~Camy~ 7~9~03 Well today i still cant say i'm completely ok,but at least i have smiled i tell you that,and i have not cry,i think i am taking this pretty good,i am trying to be very strong,i have to be strong i mean life goes on,it's not like i am losing Curt,he will always be in my life and i will always be in his. But i do miss him as a b/f. So anyways,i have been taking my mind off of all this,i went to Church today w/my cousin and sisters,not inside church but the building beside it,what they call 'The Beach House' lol thats how they call it cuz of the way its decorate it,really cute,anyways,i had a good time there we played pool and stuff hung out w/a few crazy friends,and then when i got back got online for a lil bit,then went out skateboarding at like 8:30 or so,OMG!!i am learning how to do the Ollie,that's like the very first basic trick,and i almost have it,today i fell a few times,the only time it hurt though was when i landed on top of my hand,now that hurt badly,but it went away and i'm ok now it's all good,anyways,i met this kid who like Skates too,he made this cool skateboarding website and i was checking it out and his sn was there,so i thought it would be a good idea to IM him and ask him some stuff about skateboarding,he said that anytime i needed tips on skateboarding i could ask him anything,he's been skating for 7 years so he sure knows what he's talking about,he's trying to get sponsored,i think that's cool. So like since i dont have anybody teaching me i am learning all this on my own,at least i can ask him stuff and tips even if it's just through the computer. Cuz like this is so fun,i always wanted to learn how to skateboard,it's so xtreme and i love xtreme sports once i know how to skateboard really good i'd love to learn how to wakeboard,now that'd be totally awesome,anyways,i am out dont feel like typing anymore. Later ~Camy~ 7~10~03 Ok well i know its really early,like 12:pm but i probably wont be on later at night cuz my sisters will be on,so i'm writing on my blog now. So anyways,well let's see so far i havent done much,i got up early,since i went to bed early,oh and i talked to Curtsmilesi love him so much,i miss being w/him,anyways so today im gonna go skateboarding again,my hand still hurts from last night,oh well,and im gonna go running too,hope to do that today,that's pretty much it as of now,i dont think i'll do anything else,as of now,anyways....im out. ~Camy~ ok well i didnt think i was gonna get online now,at night,but i guess i did,and i talked to Curt for like 2 mins,he just wanted to say 'hey' cuz they were off to Homossassa. He seems to be taking everything pretty good,i dont know if he misses me like i do,but anyways,as long as he's happy and he's ok then i am happy for him. He needs to go for whatever makes him happy in life. Anyways,also i think that the fact that Curt is always avoiding talking about the future is what makes him feel this way,i mean.you cannot avoid that,i mean how would a person make plans for the future if you do not wanna think about the future,that's pretty stupid. I mean you just have to,you cannot live just in the present,otherwise where will all your future plans go?how would you know what you want out of life?see i guess this is something that Curt is going through now,he's very confused cuz all throughout the time we've been going out all he thought about was the present,the fact that he loved me and was having fun w/me,but what about his own life?what about all his goals?his future?never thought into that,and now he's very confused,well i just hope he learns from this one,and i just hope he learns to make more time to think about his life. Anyways i am out,dont wanna think about this anymore. Later ~Camy~ 7~21~03 8:04 am Wow its been a while since last time i actually put some words in here!lolwell hmmm,lets see like always i've been working out,running,skateboarding,in fact now i can control the skateboard when going down a hill,its getting much more fun,and i really dont fall much,but i did hit my chin the other day w/the deck,accidentally,i got a lil bruise but oh well its all good,thats part of skateboarding. I went to play pool the other night,not too bad. Last night i talked to my good'ol friend Danny,i havent talked to him in ages and he got online last night,Tony and Steph are doing good too,cant wait to start hanging out w/them again,i've missed them,its just i lost their phone number,plus i dont know,somehow we just stop calling each other,but this wont happend again:). I'm so excited today cuz like i might get a job soon,today i'm going to this restaurant in downtown they're hiring and thanx to a friend of mine i might get hired there,cuz his mom works there,so we'll see:)). Let's see what else,oh yah about Curt,hmmm i havent talked to him in so long,i miss him,he doesnt email me or anything,but oh well,HIS LOSS loli got tired of sending him emails and not getting one back,i hope he's doing fine. As for me i am doing great,and greater will it be when i get that job,2 months to get a job and get a a car lol those are my short term goals. Ok well i'm out dont feel like typing anymorlol. ~Camy~