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C is for...candor
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Friday, 12 August 2005
children these days
i know my cousin is expecting an entry about a certain child...the only people that need to know who i'm talking about already know so no names will be mentioned but merely that this child made me realize a few things...1) i won't necessarily be as great a mom as i hope...2) raising a child is all about quality time with him/her...3) i can't shield him/her from the world but i can inform them about these things & the etiquette of when not to mention such things...

my cousin has already heard all the following before but i will write about it here for my own memory & for other interested stalkers...

my dad, mom, & i took the plane down to LA for my brother's wedding reception. it was a smaller plane than normal & a spacey flight. my mom & dad sat on the left side of the aisle & i sat alone on the right. four obnoxiously loud group of women (who were already getting dirty looks in the waiting area) was on our flight.

one was a birthday girl with a thick thick european accent & she was accompanied by her 3 friends to celebrate in las vegas. we were lucky enough be on the same flight & sitting int he 2nd row, right behind them. at first, only the two window seats were booked for them. the other two women were booked for row 9 & 10.

they loudly complained that the machine must have made a mistake & that this was ridiculous. they just stood there blocking the line (since they all wanted to be in the first row) so one woman asked the girl in one of the seats to move to row 10. she very reluctantly did so...she didn't say a thing just picked up her stuff & walked back with an expressionless face...her only reward being she didn't have to listen to them complain the whole flight...

then the birthday girl asked for the flight attendant to place her carry on somewhere & she asked to place it right in my dad's leg room (not even under the seat!) & my dad refused obviously & the birthday girl was already annoyed...

then the other girl walked in that was booked for row 1. she was asian & had with her an oil painting. they asked her to move to row 9 but she very scared & quietly said she planned to sit in row 1 so there was room for her painting. the flight attendant for some reason was on the loud women's side. maybe it was because she was about the same age or because they were white (i don't want to rule that reason out because there is more racism in the world than we want to admit). the flight attendant told the asian girl she couldn't put her painting there anyways & she'd be better off in row 9. so she also reluctantly moved because there was nothing she could say. she was looking out for her own good & shot down.

the row 9 woman very excitedly moved up with ehr friends. in the meantime the birthday girl kept very very loudly saying...she was just rude! so ridiculous! & mean! children these days! (which she kept repeating with her thick unattractive accent)then the woman that moved up from row 9 asked her fried that was originally booked for row 10..."was she being diffcult or...stupid" her friend gave her a rolled eyes look & she sympathetically said "oh it was the latter" she went on to say how children these days are so unreasonable & stupid

they closed the airplane door for liftoff & that woamn took out a colorful hardbound book with a huge $9.95 sticker still stuck on the cover over the title which she proceeded to leave on her lap--closed as they gossiped the rest of the flight...



there is nothing worse than stupid people that think they are intelligent & better than others...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:04 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 12 August 2005 9:54 AM PDT
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Monday, 8 August 2005
quick update
2 entries i plan to write soon:
- love
- children these days


quotes for the past few weeks:

erick: i was in san diego & i saw all these beautiful people & i was thinking...are you real? how do they have time to work out & stuff
me: yea i was thinking that so i told my mom 'they must be all stupid'


(all the guy cousins at the table were dipping their fingers in the water & rubbing it on the rims of the glasses to make that humming noise...all were very concentrated)
me: wow you guys could start a band
ryan: aaa 1 2 3 4 *rubs rim of glass*


our 3rd uncle had a scratch on his forearm & his knuckle...he said one was from the rice bag in the market & the other was a paper cut from a magazine...he told the story very candidly & they said the forearm scratch looked like a fingernail scratch & we kidded about if he had some other woman...later on during the dinner he said "i idolize [my 3rd aunt]" so all the adults were saying "isn't that a little extreme" & my 2nd uncle (diana's dad) said "ok i think we need to check him for more marks"


(my cousin kevin has small eyes...i guess the typical asian stereotype)
jeff: kevin i want to take your picture
*kevin poses for pic*
jeff: now close your eyes....open your eyes...come on open them! why aren't you opening them!


*diana repositions the heart marshmallow on the plate & carefully takes a pic as she raises her head our cousin ryan gives her a really weird look*
me: now you know how weird she really is


dad: your mom used to purse her lips like this (does a little mermaid sebastian-esque pucker your lips & continues to do it for a while)
mom: you're making me look like i have some condition or something


a lot of the things that have happened the past few weeks cannot be summed up in quotes or even words..i just know it all was very memorable

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:27 AM PDT
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Tuesday, 26 July 2005
sorry!
sorry blog i feel like i've betrayed you by not updating you in what feels like forever hahah...

i've been bogged down by work/boblem/misc...

& don't bother asking what or who a boblem is only those that need to know know

let's see the only real things that stand out in my mind...

last last weekend pierre & i went biking in the mountains kinda....we didn't know what trails to take so we just kept testing things out...one of them was about a foot wide...w/ a deep deep something on the other side..too many trees to see the bottom...great view but not great for someone riding for the 3rd time since elementary school...i did surprisingly well on that trail...i had to concentrate so hard...i don't think i've thought so hard since school ended...i actually ended up falling twice one wasn't so bad...splinters in my hand but it was at the end of the scary trail & i still had to ride back...i was freaking out inside my mind...thought i was staying calm outside...i walked back the slippery parts & finally rode the middle to end...then onto another trail that didn't seem too bad...i actually made it throught the worst part w/ rocks & such but then it got way way too fast & i started thinking too much & i freaked out & fell into the side plants & my shoe (where the laces tie) got stuck in my brake handle as i fell...i was kinda pissed at myself though there was nothing i could do but i really psychologically gave up then...my leg stung & then i found out later it was covered in cuts :P...
all i could think was good thing my dress for the wedding is long....

sooooo basically my right leg is covered in bruises from the riding in sf & my left leg in cuts...:P

for the nest two days my legs felt more exhausted than normal so i didn't go to yoga in case the sweat would infect the cuts...

but yea things are fine now & they're healing nicely:)

pierre said he wants to go back to those trails even by himself....i said i'd go w/ once i got used to my bike...

plus the sun was killer that day...

& the beginning uphill was pretty killer too...man i've never felt so weak before...i can usually motivate my way through these things but this felt like a never ending hill...:P....it's ok...one day i will be able to do it...

i'm lazy & i wanna watch emeril so that's all i'll talk about today

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:06 AM PDT
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Thursday, 14 July 2005
a moment
Mood:  special
tuesday i heard the 4 most beautiful words
& without hesitation i found myself saying these 4 beautiful words back

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 2:32 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 12 July 2005
quotes
Perfection comes when you use your mind as a mirror.
~Chuag-Tse


i haven't written quotes from my life for a while & i barely write about work so i will combine the two here...

friday we had a staff meeting..the first one i had been to...


andy: they paid us in full already so now we're just working off the job
bill: gee i wonder why they did that probably something tax related
jeff: maybe they just like us. not be so cynical, bill.
bill: but oh so true


jeff: i noticed connie has jumped onto the more technical side of the job now...it's great!
bill: (tells a story & goes on about how his co worker is an expert at autocad but still had much to learn) what i'm saying is you can spend your life in that program & still not fully understand it
*silence*
jeff: & here i thought we had given connie a nice boost & positive outlook & there bill goes & ruins it

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 9:51 PM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 14 July 2005 2:37 PM PDT
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Monday, 11 July 2005
another great weekend
i feel like i haven't updated this thing for a long time...or been online for that matter...or even checked my email...

anyways

it was another great weekend

i spent most of the week bike shopping after work with pierre

we kept falling in & out of love with different bikes

my first dilemma was my infatuation with a 2005 giant LCR3 it was "sage green" & it was $630

having come from hand me down & garage sale bikes that price was crazy to me...

sooo we moved on kinda...

tried out this specialized sirrus matte black...pretty nice...the frame fit me better butit was a flat bar road bike....& we were sure if we were gonna go offroad riding so i tried out a mountain bike...a rockhopper it was called...it felt good too they were both around $500

then friday at work i had mentally prepared myself to spend the money & pierre got off work earlier than i did so he went around to a few other stores & then picked me up after work to go see certain bikes he had in mind for me...we went to this used bike shop that had more bikes in it than it could physically fit...it was ridiculous...you couldn't walk you could just stand there & ask them what they had & point...i tried out a kona fire mountain..it was a green/white/blk scheme it was pretty cool plus i'd match pierre w/ it & then i tried out a trek pierre said the trek had better parts but was older...both rode well...i finally decided on the kona just cuz i liked it more...looks wise:P they threw in a nice seat for $10 so i got the whole shebang for $400 pre tax....

i was really excited...i started imagining the things i'd do on this bike...like ride to cheeseboard HAHA...jk...minus the fact that i'm really not jk

at night we went to eat at koryo (the korean place)

the next day we got up fairly early to go to the american lung association bike 4 breath...pierre's sister karen & her bf ian & her co workers were doing the 50 mile one but we didn't want to wake up early for one & i literally had not ridden a bike since elementary school...& maybe once in middle school for less than 5 minutes sooo we wanted to warm me up to my bike & riding in general...

we did the 18 mile one...it was nice..it was the perfect amount i think for the day...plus we went pretty fast...at least on parts

afterwards we were scarfing down the provided lunches & headed to my home home area...we met with maheen & audrey so i could get my id back...we ended up wasting many hours in the deserted vallco mall & at 6 we went to hong fu for pierre's dad's side family dinner...the food was fab & it kept coming...

we ended the night at pierre's aunt's place talking up a storm with his relatives...many interesting convos & stories...one in particular stands out is his aunt knew richard simmons before he was famous

the next day we went to long's to get some sun tan lotion & top dog for lunch (we got sunburnt sat.) & we went to sf to visit his grandma..we were gonna treat her to dinner..we got there at about 4:30 & we went to golden gate park to ride our bikes cuz the roads were closed off inside...we weren't really checking the time & we ended up going to dinner at about 8 opps...i was getting more & more used to my bike. we took mini off road trails that were fun...hills just scare the crap out of me though...i'm not comfortable enough yet to hit those hills..we rode to ocean beach but didn't stay around long cuz we had shoes on...

oh yea & before all the adventures we went to the store to get me a nice helmet i'm glad i waited to get one because the ones at the shop they were gonna sell me didn't fit well..i have a nice giro one now thanks to pierre :)

for dinner we went to one of their favorite places...shanghai dumpling house...i found out it's a chowhound favorite too...so that was cool the food was yum..i was so hungry without realizing it...it was relatively cheap too...

it was a great weekend...i had a lot of fun

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 2:05 PM PDT
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Friday, 1 July 2005
i swore i posted that entry but i guess not
i wrote this entry yesterday & i totally thought i posted it...but alas it has disappeared so i will try to remember & retype everything

6/30/05

so i decided to be nice & go change the strings on the guitar that pierre left here for me to practice on...being a girl in that music shop made me feel like a girl in an adult video store...there were only guys there & they were ranting & raving about how shitty that guitar player is & how awesome another one is...& a slight hush goes over the conversation as a female specimen enters the store...it was quite amusing...& i got comments as i walked down to the store even...i would've been flattered if i could actually play

while they changed the strings i headed to my secret kitchen supplier (no i'm not telling & no it's not in an alleyway)...so i finally decided to splurge on a calphalon stock pot...i've been eyeing it for some time now...plus i have to admit it's strange that a person can have a few hundred dollars worth in knives & not have a single good pot or pan...plus pierre was urging me to get a pot w/ handles...& as i was in line to check out i saw these pepper mills on the top top shelf & one looked really familiar (when chanda & i were at sur la table to meet giada i tried out their whole shelf of pepper mills out & i found my favorites) it turned out it was one of my faves & it was the only one left so i thought it was meant to be so i bought it too...it was a nice natural wood peugeot one...

as i walked home working both biceps i saw an asian couple in front of me they were it hink korean..the girl was stick thin & probably what he'd call a "fashion plate" & i have to admit those girls intimidate me because they are what i don't want to ever be but at the same time i know that i could never be that...

so as i had sunglasses on w/ a guitar in one hand & an 8 qt stockpot & pepper mill in the other i wondered to myself if pierre had to choose between this or that he'd better choose this...

i'm a dork whta can i say





since i never finished the rewriting of this entry til today i guess i will also say what i did this weekend...

2 bbq's...one w/ pierre's friends horge & ashley...there are so many parks in berkeley i never realized..it was fun & yummy i was stuffed...4th of july i went to pierre's fam bbq...his fam is adorable...

instead of fireworks we stayed in & bowled...i still suck haha...but it's ok i will get there!

quote:

p: "let's not do anything food related...let's go to mitchell's"

(mitchell's is a yummers ice cream place in sf)

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:18 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 5 July 2005 4:12 PM PDT
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Monday, 27 June 2005
my deal with the cat, nightmares, yoga v. life
everytime i'd walk home from yoga i'd pass this cat

he was black w/ tints of reddish brown

& he had an air about him

i'd meow, he'd look at me & then turn away...he could care less

then about a week ago while walking to yoga i saw him running from a house (that wasn't his owner's house) all disheveled & dirty..he looked up at me & ran away

that day when i walked back from yoga..the normally too good for me cat ran down the steps to greet me...

he rubbed against my leg & purred & would jump a little to reach my hand to encourage me to pet him...

this went on for a good 5 minutes...

i imagined him telling me it's our little secret that i ran from that house...so in exchange for silence i'll give you furry attention...it worked




in recent days i've been having an abnormal amount of nightmares...

i don't normally have nightmares & if i do i usually don't remember them or they're so spaced out it doesn't matter...

but now i can't even remember the last dreams i've had...i only remember a lot of nightmares...

i guess overall my sleep has been studded w/ them & it probably explains why i seem tired...& it's kinda scary because i'm almost afraid to sleep...

i used to be all about the analyzation of my dreams but i think i suck at it now...i can't figure out if it's someting crying inside dying to come out or it's just all my fears...& it's just so ironic that i'm pretty happy in my life right now but in my sleep many things haunt me...it makes me wonder if my happiness is all an act for me & my mind is trying to tell me to be aware of that

there are two main themes...

death & betrayal

many of them i wake up just before i know that i was about to die...i just never saw my own death...or maybe i was dead & it was black...i usually wake up from these in a cold sweat & breathing hard & completely scared

the betrayal...i just wake up heart wrung out...it's strange because i don't think i even feel the pain in the dream anymore when this happens..i'm just stoic

it bothers me

i remember a time i wanted to escape my dreams so badly because every night i'd be hurt in a different way...

this can't be healthy...i need to cleanse myself

i've been really happy but more recently people say things to me & i begin to worry...& i begin to have doubt & then i start to hurt for no reason & i bring it all upon myself...something about now is making me vulnerable...

i need to start tackling all the things i planned to do this summer or else i won't forgive myself...& i will find myself in a deeper rut & it can only get worse from there

i need to have confidence...the thing is even if i have confidence...it doesn't mean things will work out...we will take things as they come...that's all i can guarantee...there is no use worrying about it...& truth be told...i'm probably the lowest maintenance but stable & loving one most people could find...i know that sounds bitchy/cocky..however you take it...but it's the truth...i know it




my best days at yoga are the ones where i'm so tired i have to force myself to go...

my thoughts are that i'm so tired i don't really think about things as much & i don't go into a position thinking about how i'm going to get there i just do it...i'm a lot more relaxed & i get to the position by just focusing on that task at hand

as is with life

you think about it too much..you worry it to death...it gets you no where besides delving yourself deeper into something that doesn't exist...

it makes you feel helpless & you'd thought about it so much there is no living in it anymore..there is no spontaneity...that's not life anymore...that's a play

just relax (go do it..haha i had to)...handle things as they arrive...don't fix it if it ain't broke...don't question things especially if it brings you happiness...& enjoy the ride...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:28 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 28 June 2005 11:28 AM PDT
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Monday, 20 June 2005
wonderful weekend - bbq & father's day
i've had one of the best weekends of my life...
it felt great

friday after work i went to yoga & then pierre & i went lateish to this korean bbq place for dinner & completely pigged out (food related comments will be left to my food blog)...i was stuffed beyond belief & we had leftovers

saturday we went to berkeley bowl to pick up some ingredients so we could make stuff to bring to pierre's sister's (karen) friend's (angie) bbq...pierre suggested we make satay & peanut sauce (good job hun) & i really wanted to make the appleslaw....soooo we ran late & i got nervous but in the end it didn't even matter...the bbq was really really fun...i smelt like smoke afterwards but it was worth it...i met karen for the first time & i'm hoping she likes me...the people there were so nice & funny & the food was all sooo good....there was a pit fire going on in the front & we made smores & everything......we left around 10:30 to go to mitchell's for ice cream sandwiches...fab:) then pierre drove me to saratoga cuz i wanted to visit my dad for father's day




smores!!

sunday...our whole family (which is rare cuz not everyone is always here) went to dimsum at this place called dynasty..it was pretty nice...& the dim sum was really delish...we were all stuffed...we went to look at tuxedoes for dad (for gug's wedding) then we dropped the boys off at home & mom & i headed to santana row/valley fair to get her st. john suit altered & to dress shop for me as well as shop for my brother (he claimed he had no clothes) i bought a dress that was on sale at bcbg it's very very plain...it kinda wasn't what i'd imagine that i'd wear but it guess it's classy...it's just a plain halter & it's fushia...so my mom & i will almost match..it'll be cute..still need shoes & accessories...we'll see....then to valley fair...at which we saw dennis chang who completely avoided us on purpose (as in he saw us then covered half his face as he turned away & as he walked off he kept looking at the corner of his eye to see if we were behind him still) it was pretty messed up...then we went to target & to vietnamese sandwiches (a lee's opened in cupertino) & we went for a walk later & i went to my haven of a backyard & picked plums...i will post the pics on this entry when i get back to the apt...there is so much joy in picking fruit from your own garden...pierre picked me up to take me back to berkeley at about 9:30...i met his brother too...i'm a bit more scared of him..i feel like he'll be more critical...we'll see...




plums




poor 3 ft tree being weighed down




life is a bowl of plums? :P




random artsy photo of a half ripened lemon

i have many many quotes to share:

at the bbq
lisa (karen's coworker) had said some time ago that karen & pierre look exactly alike & that he could wear a wig & walk into the office & no one would know the difference
pierre: so i'll have to wear a wig & visit the office sometime
lisa: you don't even need to wear a wig...just walk in..no one will know the difference anyway

for smores we had to fashion sticks out of metal wire hangers & everyone's was different (most of the people there were as pierre put it "was an architect or was dating one")
jeremy: how many architects does it take to make a stick...uh oh we don't have structural engineers...

on the car ride back to berkeley...
p: yea & there was that girl that ran after mom for like 2 blocks to give her back her credit card...she was cute you guys wanted me to ask her number
me: greeeeeat
marc(pierre's bro): yea i was thinking umm shuddup pierre she's RIGHT there
p: haha that's what mean she's cool she doesn't care

my bro & i were in another room & my dad is chuckling while he & my mom were in conversation
mom to my dad: what is that sound what are you doing?
dad: i'm laughing
(my brother & i burst out laughing)
gug: what..have you guys just met or something! it's like "what are you doing!" "you know sometimes when i talk my mouth moves"
(i know this isn't that funny to you guys but you have to see the interaction of our family to understand)

in the car to dim sum
mom to gug: you're sup'd to take care of your little sister! you're sup'd to protect her that's the whole point of having the boy child first! ask shian (my brother's chinese name)...i mean dad!
gug: shian? sure! shian says miao gin (no thanks/that's ok in taiwanese)!

my mom & i went to abercrombie & fitch to shop for my brother & upon entering a guy greeted us..he was normal looking...maybe only slightly above average...then when we were checking out the cashiers were excessively good looking...model-esque...& my mom kept saying "i wonder if they know they're good looking...they're probably stupid, huh?" & then as we were leaving we see that "regular" looking guy in the front & my mom says "poor thing...i wonder if he know's he's the ugly one"



"this is the best"
"when i say it i will mean it"
"can i keep her?"

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:42 AM PDT
Updated: Monday, 20 June 2005 10:22 PM PDT
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Friday, 17 June 2005
quote-brain farts
while cookie making & writing paper w/ audrey...



audrey: i have brain farts sometimes & you think it's a fluke but no...when i sound like i know what i'm talking about...that's the fluke



aud: see!! that's the thing i was trying to say about that thing!


i miss hanging out w/ my girls...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:50 AM PDT
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