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C is for...candor
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Wednesday, 18 May 2005
quote-dentist
this was from about a month ago & i think i forgot to post it

chanda: yea i went to my dentist today & it was sooo crowded
me: well i guess maybe he's a good dentist
chanda: yea he seems like a nice guy
(chanda's mom says something in the background that i can't hear to which chanda responds: i know! i'm not setting them up, mom!)
me: umm what did she say?
chanda: she said 'he's too old for connie.'

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:02 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 17 May 2005
let's take a break & explore our options
this is a completely random entry & not related to my life at all but i was sitting there "studying" & i felt like talking about this

several of my friends have taken this route

this

"let's take a break for a while, see other people (explore other options), & then we can decide if we want to get back together"

mode

& i don't think i've heard a single happy story

see...when you do that you're saying to the person
"umm well i'm gonna go out there see if i can do better than you or see if our relationship really is good compared to others i can have & i'll get back to you on my decision"

the thing is...if a relationship is working..this mode should never come up

if you're happy with the relationship...you wouldn't question it

it's almost like call waiting...i'll put you on hold, talk to the person on the other line & if they have more interesting things to say, i'm gonna hang up on you/never switch back & if not, i'll end that & come back...

in a working relationship there should never even be that desire to want to know if you can "do better" or what other relationships you may have would be like...

you should feel so lucky to have each other that you know it's right

& granted i know life is not perfect & relationships are not like the ones out of fairytales...trust me i know first hand how bad it can be

but...i think if there is any doubt...then this relationship should not exist

don't be there for pity or sympathy or for fear that you can't find someone better/being alone...don't just be there for the sake of being there

no one wants that in the end

how unfulfilling is a relationship that you know will be contained in a box & never become anything more than what it currently is

if you're mature enough you'd know to leave this so called relationship out of it & just be friends

nothing good can ever come of this "mode"

i've seen it where the person suggesting it ends up feeling really hurt because the other person kept actively dating & being physical with other people & my friend was not...expecting them to just get back together...they are now back together but things will never be the same...there's often bitterness

i've seen it where they're both just unhappy & they end up getting back together anyways

& i'm sure there are many a times when one of them wants to be together again & the other does not


it's just a stupid thing to put this so called relationship through

but i guess if the mode ever came up in the first place there is already something faulty there & maybe it was supposed to end anyways...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:10 PM PDT
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Monday, 16 May 2005
161 studying
well erick & i went to crepevine & ont he way back some guy in a truck & sunglasses yells at us in particular "rock out with your c... out"

& we were thoroughly confused
but it was quite the laugh break while we were pseudostudying

we were at strada for a while & then migrated to the super DC...

let's say you can see the effects of caffenine in both of us right away

it reminded me of 140 in the basement

it was a feeling of i have no control over this anymore i give up...but i'll feel guilty if i fully give up type of thing

& we remembered john meehan said before our 166 final "why is it ieor students are always laughing before their tests" (it's soooo true)
& we decided it's cuz we cover our stress with laughter

anyways..the night was filled w/ strange conversation including many burgstone & lim references which i won't go into hahah...& drooling like homer simpson

we finished all we could & then went to bed to get up at 7 to meet again to study the last chapter

we dragged ourselves to cafe milano by about 7:30

we were too tired to be funny

we were rather productive & it is & probably will be the most i will ever understand markov chains

then we got sick of things & we headed in the direction of the final

we had a good half hour or so to spare so we lay on the grass & fell asleep (good thing erick set his alarm...& that we were on the grass right under the campanile so it was ringing loudly at noon)

i had always seen people sleeping on the grass & i never realized how nice it feels....

as i was falling asleep i was artsily thinking

wow it's like the warmth of the sun is my blanket and the earth my bed

& then i probably proceeded to water the grass with my slobber haha jk....

erick woke up with a funny pattern on the side of his face from using his backpack as a pillow haha

the final was horrible

i'm not sure if it was just me

but it was definitely harder than both the midterms & there was at least one question that i had never seen the likes of before...i felt so shitty

but afterwards erick had promised to let me watch ellen degeneres (her standup stuff about procrastination) & it was hilarious...she totally picks up on people's little idiosyncracies....i was laughing so hard people probably thought i was insane

anyways...i've been rather unproductive since the final

oh yea i found out that kaori is selling campus market & in a strange way (of course in retrospect) it makes me pretty sad...

i have to take back my cards of course

& i guess that too makes me sad

i'm pretty uninteresting right now haha

finals have really drained the motivation & such out of me

& as anthony "you're a junior! you ahve no excuse!"

& it's true:( haha

i'm just being a lazy butt

i guess i should study since i have two finals left still...booo

i need to do well in 165...rah

& i can't believe gareth's "rawr" is making itself into my regular vocabulary

it's just kinda funny though sooo yea







i think have come to terms with the fact that maybe things won't turn out the way i want them to....i realize more & more & i am becoming what i've always wanted to be....though it's not what i expected it to be...it does feel nice...i'm a lot stronger & independent....





i've been putting on the chub oy...
i thought i wouldn't this finals season but i can feel it! it's cuz of my lack of sleep i decided becauze i haven't been eating an excessive amount (besides fondue)...i have been slacking in exercise though...whatever....i'm not as upset about it as i would normally be



i will be going to a party at john meehan's friday....hopefully it will be fun! i think knowing people there will help:P

i will also be going to the commencement reception on saturday cuz i offered to volunteer...maybe we can sell some yearbooks as well!

the thought of the seniors leaving is making me more & more sad....unless we make the effort to keep in touch i know it won't happen....& that bothers me

because as i told chanda the other day

it's not like high school...in high school you're kind of stuck with your group of people....you have to stay friendly...otherwise there is unnecessary drama...

in college we choose our friends
we choose who we want to be associated with & who we want to hang out with & how much....
how close you want them to be...& how much you want to care about them

& some i'm just really sad to see leave....

anyways i can get sentimental later:)

good luck to di on her midterm & paper
& everyone else on their finals
it will be over soon!

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 9:01 PM PDT
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Sunday, 15 May 2005
quotes for last 2 days-studying & fondue
(doug, alex, and erick are playing a driving video game on a "break" & the list of drivers comes up at the end it says doug, alexa, etc)

me: wait you named yourself alexa, alex?
alex: no we're all under doug's name
erick: otherwise i'd be erika & doug would be....douga? (& we continue to list a couple more & give up)
doug: i am dougina
erick: & as we were just about to leave it at that you had no girl name
doug: i was dougina in my high school asb election skits. i was one hot piece of ass.




there were a lot more quotes from studying since we were there til like 3 am or so!
but i can't really remember & most of them are probably inappropriate hahaha oy



at fondue fred's for lunch today

(john, rich, & gareth are all in fraternities....we were saying how it was really hot...the wine & eating all this hot cheese & stewish fondues)
me (kiddingly of course): yea i know! i think i'm gonna have to strip
john meehan: HELLLLLOOO
rich: what? strip? what?
me: i'm surprised that gareth wasn't the first to turn around
john: what can i say..it's the fraternity in us...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:14 AM PDT
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Thursday, 12 May 2005
quote for the day
anthony: do you want me to beat them up for you?
me: HAHA well..maybe just one so they get the point

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:09 AM PDT
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Wednesday, 11 May 2005
ASSHOLES
i just have a few sentences to say:

you guys are assholes & i think the worst part about it is that you don't realize you ARE being assholes...either that or you don't care....either way it makes you all even more ass-y

there is something called courtesy

& after all the things i do for you guys?

i thought i didn't care anymore but since it's finals i'm probably more antsy...well that & this is repeatedly occurring

i wish i didn't have to put up this fucking show

cuz in reality i don't want to have to give a shit & have it affect my life

but alas i can't

i have to continue acting

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 6:55 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 10 May 2005
crushes
something to write about later
(phone convo w/ mom)
other random things:
-bathes
-phonecall

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:25 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 10 May 2005 11:17 PM PDT
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quote from horoscope
What I search for, I find. What we neglect escapes us. ~Sophocles

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 5:33 PM PDT
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Monday, 9 May 2005
quote-165 project
earlier...

me: how's the project
erick: horrible

later...
me: so is it better than horrible?
erick: marginally
erick: little better than lognormal
erick: lognormal



after reading these sites

why date nerds

engineers explained

are you an engineer?

jon: well, i'm off to sweet dreams of a coding, video game playing, gadget loving girl who also knows proper renaissance faire attire




gawd we're nerdy

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:49 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:28 AM PDT
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my horoscope quote
Be yourself. Who else is better qualified?
~Frank J. Giblin II

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 7:37 PM PDT
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