"mean people suck"
well first i wanted to post a quote of the day from wednesday i kinda forgot about...
erick picked up his phone & jon thought it was his mom & he said he wanted to say: erick! where do you want me to put all this bondage stuff? or erick, put on some clothes & come to breakfast!
erick was like my mom would be like "is that a guy?"
& i'd say, "don't worry, mom. he's a reverend."
anyways....
so my title is "mean people suck" because within the last 24 hours i kind of found that people are more ass-y than i realized...& whenever i am reminded of things like this i always get somewhat annoyed...it really breaks down my belief that people are good...
i mean none of these are severly mean things...i just get knocked on the head once in a while & i kind of get upset...i guess i AM some sort of ghandi wannabe...it hurts to know the world is so cruel...
yesterday...
that same guy i've rejected i don't know how many times decides to try his luck again...
at first i just assumed he was really obsessed...one of those guys that just falls for someone in a heartbeat
but then pierre said he just wanted to get in my pants...which is probably more accurate but i guess i forgot that was an option for guys & "love"
well...at first i was being polite but firm in my response
& then i got progressively meaner as he continued to not get my point...
pierre told me to say certain things so i did & he told me to be mean
& the thing is...no matter how annoying a person can be i can't bring myself to be mean...unless they are really mean to someone else then for some reason i have the guts to shut them up...
see...i never saw the point...
pierre said at some point you need to tell the telemarketer to stop calling
but i just felt this wasn't the point...telemarketers...that's their job they aren't sup'd to be taking things personally but matters of the heart are sensitive...
i'm not saying lead someone on...by avoiding telling them the truh about how you feel...you should always be straight in regards to that but i'm saying why the added meanness...it just doesn't make sense to me...
maybe there is anger...but you know what...yesterday despite my annoyance at his immaturity i had the ability to stay calm & just be straight up..there was no reason to mix bad emotions into the already complicated situation...& maybe i'm being diplomatic but i just feel like...
i know if i was not getting the point in regards to a guy (though i've never experienced this since i don't really go out & hit on guys) i would rather have someone tell me the facts "sorry, connie, i don't like you. i want to just stay friends." whatever whatever...instead of someone just ignoring all my calls & blocking me & hanging up on me & pretending they don't know me when they see me...
what is the point of all that hoopla?
it just adds to the drama & maybe that's what you want...but it's so unnecessary
it adds pain to everyone involved...don't tell me it gives you pleasure to ignore someone...that's just messed up besides a normal human being should at least feel that tinge of guilt...so if not for that person then at least to rid of that guilty feeling (though i can't even tell you how selfish that is)
this morning walking to work w/ a friend...
he tells me he broke up with his gf & he was drunk & he simply said "go find yourself another bf we're over" & he said she'd probably wait for an apology that she won't get & call me sunday to ask what's up & i'll just tell her "didn't you get the memo we're not together"
& i just looked at him w/ a jaw open
i mean granted this particular person always has a way of shocking me with the things he says but i guess it touched on the feelings of yesterday
it had been a relationship of 2 years & he said that it was bound to end because they were not as "passionate" about each other anymore...
but it just made me feel like maybe the past experiences i'd had are more the norm than not
i mean granted...a lot of these things are regarding the actual breakup or rejection...like those conversations & not anything else
but i don't get why people don't seem to realize the sensitivity of those situations & that often times these conversations are the ones you keep in your head as a bad memory...because it involves your heart & i know that for me, sometimes painful memories last longer & sometimes cancels many good memories that person may have brought you
& it makes me upset because i remember once again how selfish people are
& for some reason i hate that feeling
i saw someone picking up trash from the sidewalks and bushes for no reason..he was just doing it with his bare hands
i always find myself smiling when i see someone doing something incredibly selfless but i never realized how sad that was...
because that merely means it's a rare occassion...
i was walking the other day & i wondered what the world would be like if everyone was completely selfless...the thing is it'd probably be similar to how it is now but i think a lot more people would be happier....
the thing with being selfless in the current world is that if you don't watch out for yourself no one else will so you are left to fend for yourself or else you'll just keep being used...& thus being selfish...again
but in a selfless world this wouldn't be an issue because everyone would be looking out for everyone else...
i told pierre yesterday...i don't really see a reason to be mean...& that mean people "ruin my life" & i know that was a dramatic way of putting it but it's true...
anytime i've been hurt someone was probably being "mean" & although there were probably other things that happened that went along with this that is the jist
maybe it's my overly optimistic view over the world or maybe it's my constant demand of myself or maybe it's pulling on my strings from the past & well frankly it could be many things...but i know that things like this will never cease to bother me...
i think people sometimes need to just step outside their body & think about how what they do affect others...
& i'm not talking about surperficially overly nice...that's probably worse than just being selfish at least the selfish people are being themselves
anyway...i'm at work...& i really shouldn't be writing this...nor can i go any deeper than i already am because the keyboard makes so much sound & there's nothing technically to be typed up at the moment so it's a bit suspicious...
on another note...chris dong is coming back today so him, boris, some of their old floormates, & i are headed to santana row in san jose to eat at maggiano's....& chris & i might hang out before then cuz there's really nothing to be done at work since the boss isn't here....we'll see....but i'm really excited....mmm zucchini frites & chop salad