i was on the phone w/ my brother (i call him gug) & he said "ok let's talk" he mainly wanted to tell me to stop working so much because i'd tire myself & what not & i got into this emotional spilling where i was saying over & over "i want to better myself" it might have well been another way of me saying "i want to keep myself busy and make myself learned, so i don't constantly think about the things plaguing my mind" but that is also making the situation seem ungeniune as in i'm just doing actions to give myself the impression i'm super busy & involved which is untrue...i do want to learn...& i have always been a very curious person...& what intrigues me most are the things i do not understand...so in a way this is a way to build my confidence in new things i never would've realized i was good at otherwise...
anywoo that was hardly the point...the point was that the conversation took a eventual discussion of my constant unhappiness with everything in general & then it was my brother's turn to repeat over & over "do you realize how lucky you are?"
i told chanda this & she said yea...we are lucky...it's so easy to forget..& she's like we should sit down together & make a list of things we take for granted...
this reminded me of elementary school around thanksgiving time...the teacher told us how we took so many things for granted we were taught that phrase "taking things for granted" because many of us did not understand the meaning..we were told to write an essay about what we took for granted most...& what we were more thankful for...
i remember saying i took the home i lived in and the family that loved me for granted...all the things i owned...it seemed possessions were what filled the essay...
but i sit here now & what i'm probably most thankful for are my family..the friends that have stayed by my side...& everyone that has been in & out of my life...every experience i've ever had...good or bad...every memory i have...also good or bad...everything that triggered my mind at one point...creative outlets i have...& for haven been given life in the first place...
i sometimes lie there in regret for things i have not done but might've had the chance to do...i have decided that is the worst way to live...to sit there as you see opportunities pass you by & not have the guts to grab them & instead spend the rest of your life thinking "oh if i had just jumped at the chance where would i be now?"...i have to admit i do sometimes lie there in regret of things i have done...but in reality i regret nothing...the curiousity of how things might've been if i hadn't done something is misconstrued for regret...but see, all the things i've been through & all the decisions i've made have brought me to where i am today & although i seem unhappy, when i stop to think about it, i'm pretty happy with where i am right now...everyone who has entered my life has left an imprint..some shallow...some deep...some inspirational..some painful...but all have taught me...
anyway the real point of this entry as written in the title was i was reminded of a forward i had gotten a couple of years back entitled "natural highs" it was a list of little things that made you happy..just little everyday things..i thought that would be an interesting way to remind me how lucky i am & remind myself & everyone else how easy it is to find happiness in life...
i will start the list & maybe add to it from time to time...feel free to add to the list through comments
1. being able to pay w/ exact change (at campus market i found ppl getting super excited if they had exact change & i know i always feel the same way too)
2. the cd booklet having lyrics to all the songs giving you the right to sing along to every song
3. singing in the shower
4. saying the same thing as someone else at the same time
5. giddiness from having talked to your crush
6. making eye contact with a cute stranger
7. being given a compliment
8. overhearing someone saying good things about you
9. knowing a show/movie so well you can say lines with the character
10. hearing a song that makes you wanna dance
11. a meaningful hug where you can close your eyes
12. an inside joke
13. getting stuff for free
14. getting hit on
15. finally buying that something you had been eyeing for forever
16. massages
17. eating good food
18. cooking a great meal
19. & then being able to share it with someone else
20. pay day!
21. chocolate
22. smelling freshly baked cookies or bread or cake from the oven
23. karaoke
24. singing to a song with friends in the car
25. seeing a hilarious commercial
26. the lingering smell of some great cologne/perfume/shampoo
27. running after you've run a long distance/time (that bouncy feeling)
28. dressing up for something, knowing you look great
29. the sweating feeling of accomplishment after having worked out
30. getting a present that really means something
31. realizing someone remembered your birthday
32. getting a phone call/email/letter from someone you haven't talked to in a long time
33. getting a care package in the mail
34. a marathon of your favorite show
...to be continued...
(if you post a comment..make sure you click "continue" & then "post this comment" in the 2nd window)
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 10:16 PM PST
Updated: Thursday, 5 February 2004 8:22 AM PST
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Updated: Thursday, 5 February 2004 8:22 AM PST
Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink | Share This Post