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C is for...candor
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Monday, 12 November 2007
random quotes : INFJ

INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust.

INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations. They prefer and enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive.

If they are subject to a hostile, unfriendly working condition or to constant criticism, they tend to lose confidence, become unhappy and immobilized, and finally become physically ill.

INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

A list of Basic Charateristics
- sensitive
- quiet leaders
- great depth of personality - intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even themselves
- introverted
- abstract in communicating
- live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities - part of an unusually rich inner life
- artistic (and natural affinity for art), creative, and easily inspired
- very independent
- orderly view towards the world but within themself arranged in a chaotic, complex way only they could understand


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:23 PM PST
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Saturday, 3 November 2007
& through it all

i find myself here once again.

I have this yucky feeling that I just can't shake. It's not really depression. It's just complete frustration and confusion.

I blamed him this morning for never changing his schedule for me. Sometimes I just feel like I am low on the priority list. I really wanted him to go to the holiday party, but of course his schedule is first & off to Australia he will go.

He said I was being insecure. & he said I always wanted him to go places. But, I said that he would never actually go to Seattle to visit me because he doesn't want to go to Seattle. He says "Why would I do something I don't want to do?" I say because it doesn't matter what we do, but the fact that we're spending time together! E.g., it's not like I wanted to clean his apt for 3 hours, but I didn't mind it because I just wanted to spend time with him.

He claims that this is stemming from my not having friends here and that's not his problem. Maybe. But, in the end, it really isn't. I'm not saying I want to be with him every waking moment of my life. In fact, I don't. I just want him to be there for the important parts and I don't get that.  I know I'm being a bit unfair because I'm using this example as an indicator of how he feels about me and as he pointed out "It's not just me, there are ther people's schedules involved with this trip."

The reason for my underlying uncomfortable-ness with this situation is not the actual situation, but my constant realization that Pierre was completely right about me.

He said to me once: You always think you're right (in terms of how people should act) and people that deviate from that are wrong. I remember getting so annoyed when he said that to me because it made me sound horrible.

I have slowly come to realize that he if right. It's not really about being stubborn or a bitch or that I force my opinion on others or that I'm not open minded. It's really about my constant disappointment in others. Their thoughts, actions, and the things they say.

I always say and do in the way that I believe is right. Morally. Or whatever will make all people involved the happiest or the most comfortable. In a strange way, I guess I am rather set in my ways for certain things.

When people deviate from what I believe is "right" I lose a little respect. I lose a little trust. & I just get disappointed.

This can involve small things like not calling me back in an appropriate amount of time or just being available the way I am for all my good friends.

My frustration was with myself & how I didn't know how I was going to try to overcome this. It is so much a part of me. To do what's right and to expect the best of others in return.

Granted, there is a fine line between just letting that go and getting stepped all over (or never expecting anything in return, which I sometimes do anyways).

Chris' advice to me was to acknowledge that I was doing that to myself & just hold off when appropriate. Which makes the most sense. But, it will always be different in practice...We shall see.


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 5:01 PM PDT
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Saturday, 18 August 2007
random thoughts of the day

you know you have been gone from home too long when...

-the onion leaves that sprouted in the fridge are bigger than any of the plants on your balcony

-your mailbox lock no longer works because the mailman tried to jam it too full

-your shaving cream somehow decided to spontaneously explode in your tub and fill it with pink foam

-your gas bill is like $3

-you can't open the garage door because they already changed the code & you have to park on the street

 

ok that's just a brief list...

----

on a bit of a heavier note...

i know that i have said that i do not know many people that continuously think about making themselves a better person the way that i do. every once in a while i need recalibration, but it is a never ending quest to be a near perfect person. drawing and learning from the things i see in others that i like and makng them my own.

but...i wonder if this continual reworking of myself means that i will never be satisfied and content with who i am right now & in that moment. i'd like to think that isn't true, but technically that would make sense. i guess in any moment in time i know i am already a great person & i'm just working on the details. i just need to make sure that this process doesn't prevent me from being happy. sometimes i look too much into what could be better and do not revel long enough in what is already amazing.

different approaches obviously need to be taken for different things. for me, i am ok with the fact that personally i strive for more. but when it comes to others, i need to not worry about what was, what it could've been, or what could happen in the future. i should always just focus on what it is right now. otherwise, there will always be something to worry about even when nothing is wrong.

and with that, i will remind myself that right now everything is wonderful. it is perfect. and i couldn't imagine it to be any other way.

 


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 5:34 PM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 18 August 2007 5:35 PM PDT
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Thursday, 16 August 2007
connie world

me: mayhaps

ab: that's not even a word!

me: it is in connie world

ab: i bet there's also a lot of cupcake shops & giggling in connie world

---

after drinks w/ af guy (asian fetish guy)...the other girl there & I hit it off & she hugged be goodbye when she left 

matt: yea apparently you two hit it off! I thought that was going to af guy doing that to you at the end of the night

---

by the way...can you believe that 2 days ago was my 1 yr anniversary at ksa


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 4:50 PM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 16 August 2007 4:59 PM PDT
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Monday, 6 August 2007
& she's back

I know I know...I've disappeared off the face of the blog world...

 but the good news is I'm back

& the better news is I have quotes...

I've been out of school for over a year now, so there are no longer the nerdy quotes from our ieor group...but I've been lucky enough to be at a company where the people are equally nerdy & we have hilarious moments too...

& now it's the start of quotes of the day once again...

(there have been soo many in the past year that i may post old ones as i remember them)

(these are from my current project)

matt h: I was waiting for my fiance to finish her haircut, so i started reading one of those gossip magazines & nick lachey was saying his new gf is like one of the boys, but she just happens to be hot. In reality, we all want to be with the hot tomboy, but we all just end up with the whiny/needy ones.

----

(we were debating what the fruits were in the fruit of the loom logo)

me: & there's this green wrinkly one. I think it's a muscat.

josh & matt h: no there isn't! (yada yada yada)

josh: imagine the google search for green wrinkly thing

me: better yet would be the image search

----

matt h: My fiance always says that my coworkers must think she's such a bitch because i only say the stories about her being mean, stupid, or annoying. But, really, Court (her name is Courtney), who wants to hear about you being sweet to me. The other stories are just so much funnier.

----

(I mentioned that this guy at the client company has an Asian fetish)

matt h: Until you're on a date with him, you have no proof & you can't go on a date with him because it's on the contract...i think...watch. there's be some clause that says you can't date the client unless it's to prove he/she has a fetish.

----

on the office instant messenger... 

matt h: if you are really bored, you can add in the L0/L1 word document stuff into this. how much fun would THAT be??? TONS you would enjoy yourself as much as [insert name of guy previously mentioned] out with an asian woman

----

matt h: We can buy [insert name of guy previously mentioned] an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt so that he will have a little "AF" logo

----

matt h: & that is why you don't get to have beer w/ [insert name of guy previously mentioned] & I

me: & that's why you'll be unsuccessful in your conversations with him

----

(we pass around stuffed koalas to projects & the pictures go on our company newsletter, so one week the other project team had Kelli the girl koala)

at pike's market (where they throw fish)

me: where's her shoe!

anthony: brad went to get it in the car. we thought we lost it. (they explained that they freaked out & then Robert had the idea of checking the pictures they took earlier to see if she had her shoe then & she didn't)

brad (when he came back): i had a serious flash forward of my kid losing his shoe & it's not like he would tell me!

(during dinner)

brad: shoe check!

----

at the mariner's game. todd & i were feeding Kelli beer

brad: how's Kelli doing over there?

me: she's drunk. that's why she's so pink (she's dressed in pink)

josh: isn't that like calling the kettle pink?

----

me: there are typos in it like acuracy...ironically

matt h: really? (spellchecks) ironically - i thought at first you typo'd that to make fun of me

me: nope you're that good on your own

----

josh: (explaining that his sunglasses float if they fall off in the water) they're foam

me: they foam?

josh: yes. they foam. everytime i work out i look like i'm rabied.

----

matt h: that's verb tense agreement

me: no it's parallelism because it's a gerund

matt h: gerund?

me: a verb used as a noun ending in -ing

matt h: what do you say when someone sneezes?

matt h: gerund-heit!


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 2:38 PM PDT
Updated: Monday, 6 August 2007 5:36 PM PDT
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Friday, 26 May 2006
emptiness & my personal thank yous
it was just what i needed

a taste of nostalgia in a familiar place to make me realize how much i will miss this place

i walked to etcheverry to put the IIE banner in the student lounge because no one else seemed to be in berkeley

after i accomplished that task i surprised myself by spontaneously walking into le petit market to look if they had mint it its & they did

i bought one & bit into it immediately & it was everything i remembered (& an excuse to have 2 oatmeal cookies, mint ice cream, & chocolate all in one bite)

i realized that i would probably never have another mint it its again...(i've only seen vanilla in stores & it's probably only in the bay area since it's a san francisco thing)

i walked to a bench on which i befriended a squirrel 2-3 years ago...

the creek running peacefully in front of me...it suddenly hit me...it would never be like this again...at least not like it was in the past 4 years

when i finished the it its i began walking home on the trail that i had walked infinite times before....everything seemed to matter this time

i walked by my special bench, the place i buried beethoven next to the creek, the rsf where i have spent hours in pe class & just in general...walking down bancroft i saw the marina before me on this clear blue day as i walked along the best public university in the world

this past week i have spent time saying goodbye to so many people i have shared so many memories with & it has not left me more empty than anything

for the past few years i had defined my life into 3 major categories: family, friends, school
my life was rocky anytime there were problems or uncertainty in any 2 of these categories
but for the first time in my life one of these categories is being changed & there is uncertainty in 2.5 of these categories
school will become career & although i'm excited i'm also scared about what it may entail since it is unfamiliar to me...i will also go to LA with no friends...my high school friends made the transition to berkeley that much easier from which i branched out...& my family role will change as i move away from home & i won't be able to see them like i can now...

i have been so absent minded these days. i forget to bring things with me. i have no idea where things are while moving, etc. i was thinking my brain just collapsed from exhaustion, but on the contrary i think it's because it's so overwhelmed & is packed with so many worries & thoughts that i'm almost trying to supress it's just pushing the little minute things out of my mind...

graduation has not hit me...i am not relieved or happy...i think the realization will occur next august/sept when i won't have to wake up & go to lecture & i will no longer have to walk home from gaia late at night

i do want to thank my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, diana, chris, and chanda for attending my graduation to cheer me on...it was sooo appreciated:)

i am planning to write my own personal thank yous to most everyone i've met at berkeley on my blog (even though not everyone reads it) because i never had the chance to write personal graduation cards...i have so much to be thankful for in these past 4 years...

thank you...

chanda singh: for being my best friend through thick & thin; for listening to me talk about you-know-who for hours; for putting up with me; for our hour long talks even though we see each other almost every day

chris dong: for having food adventures with me; for cheering me up (with chocolate things & haribo); for cooking with me!; for our food nerdy talks; for everything you do

erick ribbens: for listening to me talk about food even when you're not interested; for being my people watching buddy; for studying together to "motivate" each other; for all the rides

jon thysell: for your technical expertise; for our nerdy talks; for our fake iron chef

doug sopfe: for not attacking me with a knife; for your silliness/weirdness; for us always designating your place as the meeting spot

alex brooks: for your funny comments; for our crazy inventions; for your noticing "hot girls"

audrey wong: for letting me practically be your 3rd roommate freshmen year; for your hilarity

maheen hassan: for your moments of funniness even though you don't realize you are; for your effort to make us all hang out

sharmeen hassan: for all the rides to mission; for your company in class

gareth williams: for your drunkedness & craziness; for never having me see you naked (unlike other ieor-ers); for constantly hitting on me even though i reject you

jamie mullins: for being a continual source of entertainment in class; for always welcoming my cooking

omer shalev: for not laughing at me when i drop stuff in the gym; for your skepticism in class

ameet salvi: for always being so nice; for coming form a "very special place"

michael joyce: for always being so enthusiastic & friendly to everyone

dini wong: for trying to keep me "buff"; for teaching me everything i needed to know about the weight room

liz liner: for being a great energetic and motivating gym partner this past semester

ben lin: for being there when i was down the first couple of years i was here; for always making me feel welcome

ben hockaday: for being there for me; for always telling me the truth

farzad sani: for always being hilarious; for being so quirky & occassionally OCD; for keeping freshmen year floor stories interesting; for singing normal sentences

satra zarghami: for welcoming to your study sessions; for introducing me to lings; for always being so sweet

anthony yau: for saying you'd beat up people that were pissing me off; for studying with me; for coaching me for KSA and answering all my questions

john meehan: for always making me feel welcome; for being so energetic

phel meyer: for being so nice; for encouraging me to run for iie treasurer

christine lozada: for being a great decal facilitator; for organizing so many activites to bond over

rachelle bertumen: for being so nice & a great decal ta; for thinking of "stealing" pearl necklaces with me

becca graff: for a fun monterey spring break

shane lau: for being supportive about the california culinary club

chen lin: for letting me know what's up & inviting me to parties

yang liu: for being so funny & lending your place to project endeavors; for the time we spent talking

alex liu, ed oh, ai nguyen: for being so excited about sharing what's new in our lives when we run into each other

ramteen sioshansi: for being an awesome gsi & so naturally funny; for the themed hws to keep it interesting

hannah koon, lori chen: for your company in math 54

prashant tatineni: for putting up with us staying in your apt into the wee hrs of the night; for being so inviting whenever something's going on

rich manzana: for being so excitable & inviting

danny tran, amy liu: for the fun hike in tilden park

john goldman: for joining me on my 21st bday dinner; for being interested in food like me; for being very pro-any activity

ali weisz: for keeping me company in class

kathy phan: for sharing your advice & helping me with anything

boris kletser: for introducing us to maggiano's & the spaceship song; for "attempting" to fix my apt light

rey doctora, connie ko, ching-yu hu, jean lai: for being great people to work with in iie

nur kasdi: for being so sociable and genuinely interested in what i was busy with

(this was in no particular order)

i love you all & no matter how little interaction we may have had, you all will have a place in my memory & heart

thank you

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:50 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 28 May 2006 1:17 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 10 May 2006
more quotes/moments to remember
*looking at 5 lb bags of haribo gummies on amazon*
me: i want collosal crocs!
jon: that's one letter away from being really funny

earlier...
me: i'm going to miss this place
erick: i'm not..i'm so ready to leave
me: how sad...
later...
erick (in his room): do do do do do (diet cherry dr. pepper song/muppets song)
doug (in his room): mah nah mah nah
erick: do do do do
doug: mah nah mah nah
me: don't tell me you aren't gonna miss that
erick: ok...maybe a little

erick: did you put your design notebook on a disc?
jon: cuts to scene of doug trying to jam a notebook into a cd

playdough mime competition

"fresh from the juicer"

f- alex eyes


(gotta love berkeley with nerds from all parts)
overhead from this thug-ish dressed guy on his cell phone: & then you fucking taylor expansion the shit out of that, man!

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:32 PM PDT
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Friday, 5 May 2006
random quotes
i've been so stressed out & when i procrastinate i clean...& i found this quote i wrote down on a piece of paper...i remember it was when i was reading some legal studies book:

Those who most need to be made wiser & better, usually desire it least, and, if they desired it, would be incapable of finding the way to it by their own lights.


Oh how true...

As for real life quotes I can only think of a couple:

me: you're so mean connie
erick: you too erick

alex: [person's name] is always doing that. He'll do nothing & then swoop in at the end and take all the credit and make it seems like he knows what he's talking about.
(later)
doug: pot

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:59 AM PDT
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Friday, 21 April 2006
for me
no one will really understand this...it's mainly for me:

if there was nothing there i'd tell you to get over it but that isn't true because i have a feeling this isn't the end

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 9:36 PM PDT
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Thursday, 20 April 2006
IEOR-filled week
so all this week we've had IEOR related activities...

monday there was the thankathon where we wrote thank you notes to alumni that donated money to the college of engineering

wednesday night we had our annual student-faculty banquet(SFB)...it was great...everything went smoothly

& thursday was "IEOR day" of Engineering Week on campus...we sold BBQ & shirts & had a carnival game in which you won goldfish & betas were the big prize...

i have really random quotes from the SFB:

jamie: how funny would it be if professors & GSIs had to vote on the worst student
ramteen (GSI): yea we kinda already do that with grades....but sometimes i'm thinking do i want to pass this person or not & have to deal with them another semester whent hey retake it....sooo it's a C- for them
jamie: i never thought of that...maybe we could try to get through school that way...i should try that on my Ph.D. maybe professors will be so sick of me that they'll just give it to me

(erick won this prize from the raffle)
rick (gsi): well that's the only reason why i'm talking to you...i want that prize (stuffs the big box in his jacket)
(erick or me?): wow that's not obvious
rick: no no i'm just happy to see you

jamie:so how secure with your masculinity do you have to be to own a mini
rick (who owns a mini): very i get hit on a lot by other guys
(the rest i'm not sure who said)
so uhh how do you & your partner fit in that mini?
there's a masculinity check on the paperwork & a gay box
jamie: did you get the british flag?
rick: didn't have enough masculinity for that one
they measure for that one...
i didn't quite make the 12 inches


there were other great conversations, but i can't quite remember at the moment...

& i end this blog w/ a cute pic of the ieor gang (doug, alex, jon, con, erick):



Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:04 PM PDT
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