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C is for...candor
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Sunday, 26 March 2006
the world is our oyster
procrastinating...i decided to "clean" my computer

i came across a few personal notes i wrote for myself

i had forgotten how i felt then

the funny thing is i feel like i've grown in the past year, but after reading those entries i realized that i was still the same person wondering how things would be different if a certain something happened (it was the same certain thing)

i'm not saying my past year hasn't changed me...i've have great experiences, met fun people, and had exciting adventures

but i think i've reached a certain limit to my maturity

i know that sounds weird & almost ironically immature

but although i could see things around me changing & changing me i couldn't see myself being anymore mature than i am now

of course at some point i will stop caring about what everyone around me thinks of me

but even that...i've eliminated a lot of that from my life already...i used to cling on everyone's every word & every look & every reaction...& i simply don't care like i used to

i've also come to realize that i'm very independent & that, no offense, but i don't truly need anyone in my life to be happy

i know my close friends are scoffing at that one cuz i seem to get so "pissed off" when people don't treat me right or whatever, but i guess that can be played both ways...i used to put up with that behavior & now i just don't...& that if those people weren't in my life i wouldn't be anything less than who i am now

& as one of my dreams told me & i have realized in the past few years "happiness is relative"

in those notes to myself there were a few sentences that struck me strongly (& i will put it here even though i sound bitchy):

i also realized that i am deep

sometimes i think...no i'm not i'm just about as complicated as everyone else

but after [person name's] email i realized i am

i've gone through so many phases of self improvement

& i don't think most people think about being a better person as much as i do



& here is the diplomatic part so you don't misunderstand...

i'm not saying that i've reached perfection or anything of that sort

but i'm simply saying that i've reached a point in my life that i'm really happy with how i am

with my goals, motivations, and joys in life

& i'm very glad that i'm mature enough to not let the little things bother me

& as i said before...for once in my life i am free from everyone & i am myself & i can fly in whatever direction i want & however i want

on friday, chanda said "the world is our oyster" & i said "i never got that saying" & she said "yea i don't either" & then i pulled a corny definition on her but i rather like it "maybe it's because you can take in all little sands of everyday life & with it you can make a pearl"

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:48 PM PST
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Saturday, 25 March 2006
random chris quote
hung out with chris dong today

things we did:
-bakesale betty's
-we went to east bay restaurant supply..it's very cool..all these huge things for industrial use i felt even smaller cuz everything was for giants
-home for restaurant brainstorming
-half price books & bought "food smarts" a food trivia game
-tried some gelato milano & said we'd be back after dinner
-epicurious garden w/ chanda
-gelato milano w/ chanda where we met one of her old friend's gf
-chatted it up in the apt & played food smarts

quote for the night:
chanda: you improv people are probably so good at lying!
chris dong: for all you know i could be chris wong!

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:41 PM PST
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Thursday, 23 March 2006
old tsunami quote
farzad to friend: you have like the worst timing ever! it'll be like middle of a tsunami..."hi!!! so whatcha doing?"

.....

so i realized that i really am in love with the image & so nothing has changed & i'm actually pretty happy about it (& in chanda's tone "i GUESS i know myself really well")

& so for once in a long time i am free & it feels great

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:07 PM PST
Updated: Thursday, 23 March 2006 11:11 PM PST
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Monday, 20 March 2006
seafood disability quotes
doug: i don't know if i should get the (something) fish sandwich or the salmon
erick(who doesn't eat any seafood): oooh get the salmon!
*we all look at him to see if he was being sarcastic*
erick: what! just cuz i don't eat seafood doesn't mean it doesn't sound good! *in distress* i mean i wish i did eat it because then i could eat everything! & i could go to any restaurant i wanted!
me: geez you make is sound like a disability



doug to erick: want to try some salmon?
erick: ok i will pick some w/ my clean fork & smell it & if i don't want it i will give it back to you
*smells it*
erick: i don't want it
*hands it to doug but doug just eats it off the fork & it looks like erick is feeding him*
*doug pretends to be girly & bats his eyes & gets all shy & smiley*
*erick & i laugh*
prashant: what'd he do!
*doug repeats towards prashant*
prashant: ok now that i've seen it, i don't want to see it ever again...


....

& i apologize to di & chanda for my more & more frequent ramblings:)

....

& this week i will have to be courageous to see if things will be forever imaginary or a reality

& for the sake of my sanity i will assume the first

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 8:40 PM PST
Updated: Monday, 20 March 2006 8:53 PM PST
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Tuesday, 14 March 2006
new quotes!
in physics class (the prof already warned us he is easily distracted)
*facing board & writing & lecturing*
1st time:
*crinkling of chips bag*
(without turning around & interrupting himself)
"& someone's eating chips & it's making me hungry because i didn't eat lunch*
(continues w/ lecture having never turned around)

2nd time:
*cell phone ringing*
(w/o turning again & interrupting his derivation)
"& that person really needs to get a less boring ringtone"
(continues)



in physics discussion
gsi: so when magnets were first discovered they were called "kissing stones" because they thought each stone was attracted to a particular other stone, but then they found out it was a lot more promiscuous than that....



erick & doug's apt when i wasn't there
erick (to alex): so why were you drinking beer while we were here doing our 180!?
jon: cuz it's alex?



erick got a new car but only got the owner's manual & keys so far...
*holding the key & shaking it*
erick: it feels so useless! i just want to stick it in something. i just want to stick it in something & turn it on!!
me: we're talking cars now here, right?
erick: well i guess both...[jk]



last semester in 190D
one day this girl who will remain unnamed was sitting in front of us & her thong was showing & it said "sexy" in beads & gareth put his planner standing up in front of his view to not get distracted
gareth: at the APM dinner, i told ramteen & [the girl] about it & ramteen said "wow i didn't realize so much stuff happened in my class that i didn't see"


from studying:
Pa-hoe-hoe! Pa-hey-hey!
Playa lake
A-a!



......

i've come to realize that i'm more in love with the image than the reality of that image
& if it never became a reality i would be more sad that the image was broken than over the actual occurrence

but that's not to say i don't care about the image becoming a reality...it would be a happy surprise

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:10 PM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 14 March 2006 11:10 PM PST
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Thursday, 9 March 2006
bday (forgot to talk about)
this year's was the best bday i've had in a long time

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:20 PM PST
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Wednesday, 8 March 2006
quotes (remembered some more)
when erick was driving us home from class one night
erick: aren't you guys glad you don't need to walk home in this rainstorm?
jon & me: (simultaneously by accident) we love you, erick


in ieor 170
prof: what things do you do that require all your senses [to be at attention]
student: driving
erick: *whispers* sex?
gareth: sex...with the light on


in sonoma w/ an aston martin in front of us
erick: i'd have sex w/ that car.....twice

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 9:12 PM PST
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Monday, 6 March 2006
quotes for this week
on the car ride back from Corte Madera

doug: so this one time in boy scouts
erick: you got raped?
doug: no....in one of the cars all the boys fell asleep & so the chaperone driver drove to the edge of the freeway & started honking & screaming & everyone woke up & thought they were going to die
erick: & then they got raped?


at Cheesecake Factory

doug: well...i was born with three balls!
erick: & then one turned out to be his penis


at Cafe Milano 170 meeting

jon: it's sad to think that every 5 seconds there will only be an equal amount of beards as there are before those 5 seconds
doug: or less
jon: yes!
doug: so one day there will be no beards? *confused*
jon: it's not like the opposite of entropy!


in Sonoma on the Barrel Tasting Tour
getting in the car w/ Walk the Line soundtrack on after the first winery & every one thereafter

erick: geez! this music keeps getting more & more exciting!


at the Restoration Hardware meeting
senior vp of sales: do you guys have time?
jon: we're cal students on a friday...of course we do...better yet...we're cal engineers on a friday...we definitely do


there were so many good quote but my mind is drawing a blank...:(


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:08 AM PST
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Tuesday, 21 February 2006
& the birthday bitterness begins
i really truly thought this year would be different...

i actively tried to by telling chanda my ideas & she carried it out...but it really was never her problem

every year i am reminded that my good friends are scarce & that i really am not cared for the same way i care for them

i called my mom & i told her i'm starting to get sad over this whole birthday thing again & before i began to elaborate she said "of course, because you always do so much for other people...you make things...you buy things...& you got out of your way to make them feel good & people just don't do that back" "yea...i know" was all i could say

i never told chanda about my annual bitterness because she always tried & i didn't want her to feel bad...i reminded her of the really bad mac & cheese birthday when we watching eurotrip & "friends" told me how annoying my bday was because now they had all this work to do even though they didn't even go out to dinner w/ me & i "used" up to 2 hrs of their time at most

it makes me treasure those that care for me...which isn't a bad thing! i thank them for everything they do & i would do anything for them

i know p had said that i always made it seem like the way i treated was the the right way & there was no other way..it always made me so angry because i never want to seem like/let people think i think i am better than other people...

but now i realize that i don't care if that is the case because my way really is the right way

any friend that makes another friend feel bad because they disregard their feelings or just doesn't care enough to care is NOT a friend

they are NOT worthy of that title

i hate to be a b, but they are especially not worthy of being my friend

because in reality i don't ask for very much for what i give in return

i just expect that they will ask once in a while how i am & one day a year they will say "happy birthday"

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:31 PM PST
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Friday, 17 February 2006
random quotes update-microwaves & bits
in physics yesterday...
prof: your mom always told you to never put metal in the microwave, so let's see if that's true
*puts metal spoon in microwave*
(nothing happens)
prof: let's try a fork
(nothing happens)
prof: now let's try a cd!
(glows a sparkly blue light)
prof: now there is no reason you shouldn't try this at home......granted you are sane about it


in erick's profile:
friend: I made the cutest cupcakes last night...all valentines-y with pink and red and white heart-shaped sprinkles
erick: pretty
friend: then I threw them at all the couples that walked by
erick: hahahah that would have been funny
friend: um, I didn't say I was kidding...and yes, it was funny


farzad, chanda, & satra have this thing where they only say the first syllable of the word for the main word in the sentence (eg, let's go to the lib! or i'm hungs...or eww how ugs) so i told them the cupcake story...
farzad: wow she's bits...& that could be bitter or bitch


after the iie officer meeting...
alex: so you guys (jon, doug, & i) want rides?
jon: well sure that'd be nice
alex: well like erick..i figured whoever drives in in charge of taking the rest of the posse home
jon: how erick of you




& for a certain person that reads this...

i promise

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 8:40 PM PST
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