random things about relationships
so after a long day & somewhat calm night i went to get ready for bed at about 2-3am & near my door i heard screaming & yelling...it was a girl & guy something about the relationship...i couldn't really make out the majority of the words...but i heard a few key ones...
this went on for about an hour...
i heard him louder than her & then when she'd talk he would shush her as if she was too loud or he didn't want her to talk or something...
i wanted to bash his head in & i didn't even know who he was...
& i realized i had not really yelled or gotten that emotional in a long time..the last time i yelled was probably yelling back at my mom regarding we know what & even that was a while ago...
& when i had fights w/ boys...i never really yell...maybe i'm forgetting...which is possible...i remember other people yelling at me before but i don't think i ever really yelled at anyone...
i've been taking so many quizzes on tickle when i have the chance...i guess i had signed up for it in 2002 & forgot about it...sooo...yea...
all the relationship ones i get similar things...in terms of me being a gf or dating...it appears i have a grasp of how to be a really good gf or date or whatever....(haha i love how i got this from quizzes)
& at work it hit me randomly...
yea i had "perfected" myself as much as i could already...i had cut out most of my insecurities...
but all this didn't matter...
because in the past the problem was not me...it was the guy
& i guess maybe that WAS my problem...
maybe my taste was the problem...
my sense of trust was given too freely
according to another test i'm supposed to fall for my bosses or professors or mentors or a "troubled genius"...which i told erick & oy did the evilness begin haha....but it was funny
another random thing...
recently a friend told me about his not talking to his roommate/old high school friend because he started fooling around w/ a mutual friend's gf which made them break up & the girl & that guy are still together...
my friend said that he has no honor
(some people that read this now know who i'm talking about...aka greg haha)
my friend is all about honor...he's about camarderie...he's a marine...
i totally agree that that guy has no honor & he's an ass for doing what he did...
but at the same time...it hit on an old memory i had of this friend...& it made me want to tell him he was a hypocrite...camarderie was not just something between guys...
i had introduced ken & this friend to each other because my friend was very into wanting to join the marines & since ken was they hit it off...
my friend knew the details of my breakup...the deceit the assholeness...everything..we were closer back then...
i remember it had been a few months after my break up with ken...
it was the worst break up ever...i know i have never really gone into great detail but i think after reading a few entries of my blog you got it somewhat pieced together....
it was probably the worst because it was the first "real" relationship i had...it really broke my image of love & i had never felt betrayal like this before...& i was devastated...i withdrew from everyone...even chanda...i barely talked to her...she had no way of understand...hell she still doesn't but whatever...
anyways...
so this friend knew i was going through really hard times...
& ken decided to come up to hang out for his birthday....he was turning 21 that year...so he was going bar hopping & what not...ken im'd him to hang out....& my friend told me everything that was happening as it was happening...
which reminds me of that whole night...oy it was horrible...i was talking to ben as ken was there & ken pretended to be ben as he talked to me online...it was fucking messed up
anyways...so ben decided to go hang out w/ ken despite my reminding him of what ken did to me...
when i asked why she said something to the effect of him being a marine...
wtf does that have to do with anything...it has no reflection on how he is as a person...
HE has no honor
& where is the camaraderie between us
& then my friend couldn't find him so he called me for ken's number....such fucking bullshit
gawd i'm getting really upset all over again
like incredibly upset...wow....
ok that was really weird....(i just im'd that friend cuz i was so angry....i guess he somewhat clarified things...but wow that night really sucked anyways)
moving on...
enough about relationships...
so i realized i should really send over some graduation & mother's day cards to campus market cuz last year i sold almost 10 cards just on mother's day...i sold them for cheaper then too but it was nice...
so i couldn't find my mother's day stack...i ahve no idea where the crap they are....maybe at home but i felt so unorganized oy...anyways
so i decided to make new mother's day cards..just a repeat of last years cuz i didn't feel like being "exciting" & i patched up the grad cards i used for last year too...
i hadn't made a card since christmas & even then those were really rushed...though i really liked last years...i still think they were cute...
anyways...i remember how much i enjoy it...
although i love cooking...this is my first love...
i guess there is something substantial in holding something i made in my hand...& not eating it....haha...i guess cuz you can see the love...& this can be kept forever
& i guess the fact that i can sell them doesn't hurt either...not the money part really but that i can be part of something that makes someone else feel special...
i know that sounds corny...
but i genuinely mean it...
i don't know...after watching hitch i thought it wasn't such a bad idea...i mean...helping others out...i think i've always had a way of making people feel special...& imagine that as a business...anyways...i'm not in it for the money
so my point was...cards...right
so...(ok i just got distracted for like 2 hrs)
anyways....so cards
when i was in the mode of making cards i felt so good about myself...& i get into this really creative bubble....i think of ideas i would've never thought of otherwise...& phrases & the perfect way to word things...
i love the person i am when i'm making cards...
anyway...i'm done