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C is for...candor
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Wednesday, 27 April 2005
reality check
so i talked to chanda today...we went out for "dinner" i hadn't seen or talked to her in what feels like forever...

we updated each other...

she told me something & for some reason i was not resistant to the thought...(i think the old me would've been annoyed) she said: if something hasn't happened by now...maybe it never will...

i knew she was probably right...& i don't know why i continue to stay so optimistic...

i'm probably just waiting for that tiny glitch & slip that might make that certain "something" just happen....*poof*

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:09 PM PDT
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dream-movie
i had a dream last night...it was so detailed...& it was so weird...i'm almost embarrassed to say i had it cuz it plays on some of my wishes...

i think the strangest part of it all was the best thing happened but then near the end i realized that i was only an actress acting out this perfect story....

it made me so sad....

i even dreamt acting out the credits part...

& it involved people i knew in real life...

& the funny thing is that this guy sang part oft eh credits song (it was sup'd to be funny) & he said this really random line about history (i remembered when i woke up but now i forget) & i think near the end i knew i was waking up from a dream but i was thinking..wow that song line was very clever...but since this is my dream technically I thought it up & therefore I am clever haha...

but yea no one will get to know this dream unless you're a select couple of people...(di, ask me haha)
muhahhaha:P seriously though it's not THAT exciting

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:51 PM PDT
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quote of the day-rawr, raves, & curves
*two girls walk in the door that we're walking to leave through* (one of the girls is kinda cute)
gareth: rarrrrrrrwr (tiger like)
me: i can't believe you just did that....



*gareth is slightly dancing outside our classroom before midterm*
jamie: you do realize you're going to a midterm & not a rave, right?
jon: cuts to scene of gareth standing in the middle of all these people dancing w/ strobe lights w/ his cheat sheet & a pencil



jon: instead of curving the tests to like 50% why can't the professors curve their teaching so that we actually understand what they teach
jamie: cuz this school is not about making us feel good it's about making us ACTUALLY learn

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:37 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 26 April 2005
quote for the day-poisson
jon: fuck poisson. I think Poisson should be a swear word. You Poissonety Poisson!

me: ok i'll head over then...
erick: i could pick you up, it seems like that's what the dots represented
me: haha no it's fine
erick: ok then. if you really want to walk
me: ok fine pick me up
erick: ha 5 min

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 8:26 PM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 27 April 2005 1:38 PM PDT
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being a saint
i don't really understand why i always seem to find myself in the position of needing to be a "saint" i have to forgive & forget...i have to deal with people's crap & pissy moods & i'm suppose to do all this with a smile & in a gracious manner as if this is ok...

i mean nothing major has happened to make me write this...but i realize again once in a while that i do that so much...

people talk to me as if they can take their anger out on me & this is ok...

& you know what? yes i do put up with it..cuz i'm nice enough to...but that doesn't make it ok....& if i were anyone else i'd be yelling at you by now...

multiple people in recent days has triggered this...so yea...

another random thing...

when i ask people if they are ok or if things are going alright...i don't just say that crap superficially i usually say it because it seems as if it needs to be asked...you're either being rather rude/bitchy/a butt or you just seem really down...don't sit there & look at me as if i'm stupid when i ask...& respond w/ a defensive "NO why??" gawd i'm just looking out for you ok?....rawr rawr...this only proves to me more that someting is wrong....& now you're just not sharing

i realized that i never seem to impose this burden as much on others....what i mean is...ok yes i get pissy (oh shuddup if you're a guy & thinking oh once a month cuz for your info i don't get pissy those times of the month anyways) so yes i get pissy but i either internalize or i rant or i just plain tell you i'm in a bad mood...i don't really go around bringing people's day down...i found a lot of my friends do that...they go around ruining other people's days & i can't stand that..the world does NOT revolove around you...so what if you're pissy...just contain it & move on with your life...it's not a big deal....yea sometimes i am a bit more direct when i'm biotchy as in i will flat out say i'm really stressed & busy i will talk to you later...i don't put on some...guilt trip as if by talking to them they are also ruining my life or something (extreme eg, "hey" "what do you want?") oh & trust me say something nice in a "what do you want" tone is exactly the same freaking thing

anyways...i just needed to let that out cuz i don't think people realize how underappreciated i am hmph! hahah.....

oh yea i'm not equating myself to a saint:P

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:23 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 27 April 2005 1:55 PM PDT
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Monday, 25 April 2005
IEOR & South Park
so i talk & talk about them yet you probably have no idea what they look like...
jon sent me this south park generator then then we just spent the last 3 hrs doing this...enjoy:)

IEOR & South Park


Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:32 PM PDT
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quote for the day-Markov
this is will be nerdy & basically almost no one will understand hahah

doug: where are you going?
erick: i don't know (trails off....)
jon: if life were a markov chain would it be transient or recurrent?

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 6:59 PM PDT
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Sunday, 24 April 2005
Inkblot Test
Connie, your subconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

This means you have a deep desire to use innovative ideas to enhance your life and influence the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

With such a strong creative orientation, you are willing to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at any given time. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have thought of without your help.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Imagination, there is much more to who you are at your core.


go to tickle if you wanna take the inkblot test (it kinda takes a while though)

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:41 PM PDT
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Saturday, 23 April 2005
what's in a name
"a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet"



i had been meaning to write this entry for probably almost a year now...

it was this that had orginally inspired me:




it was a name tag stuck onto an emergency pole that i pass on my walk home almost everyday...

it was my name...but it wasn't me...

& i had been meaning to take the picture for a while but i didn't want people to think i was weird so i finally took the picture when no one was around on march 28th w/ my phone...

i remember when i first saw it...

i thought hmm...wow my name is so much more common than i realized

i used to...& i guess i still do HATE it when people used to call me connie chung...whether it be by accident or to be funny...

it's nothing about her really but simply because i want to be known as a separate person & i guess it's one of my pet peeves (of several if you want to say something to piss me off)

since i was little, i hated my name....
i remember being really mean & wanting to steal my cousin's name...i told my mom i wanted to change my name to "diana ballerina" & that was that...

& am i glad now i did not

the diana would be fine but i don't know how well the ballerina would go over in the business world...

so i've often questioned how my name fit me...

i never thought i looked like a connie

but i also can't think of a better name for myself
i mean that i "look" like...

(you know how some people just fit their name...like oh that's how a ruth should look etc)

anyways...i asked chris once...what if i was my middle name...lynn & he said...no not really

so what am i? (name wise)

supposedly i was named after the singer connie francis & my mom chose lynn after my chinese name

& i guess in a way it seems professional...& more recently i have played off of the fact that my initials are CC...

at work...they refer to everyone on paper w/ their initials...don't really know why...i guess it's unique to each person...but i thought it was nerdily cute that one of my bosses referred on a note to me as C^2

i also remember in elementary school when jessica chen & i were best friends & when notebooks were starting to be in...we said our initial were JAC (jess ann chen) & CLC (con lynn chen) so together we were jack the seal's....we named our notebook jack the seal's notebook...it was soo random

i guess it's kinda weird since names really don't seem important because like the shakespeare quote...a person will be the same person with or without that name...

but at the same time...it makes or breaks the person...imagine being called some horrible name that scars you...

& i wonder if people with great flowing names really grow up to be more successful or meant to be hosts...

like on food network "rachael ray" & "marc summers" & "giada delaurentis" & "jim o'conner" those flow so well...or maybe it's just cuz i'm used to them...
i don't know...

& are you supposed to feel like someone robbed you of some identity when someone has the same name as you?...

i know chen is common so there is bound to be other connie chen's...

heck i had a girl in my chinese school class for i don't even know how many years (we stayed w/ the same people as we moved up grades) with the name connie chen...she was also a twin...that must've been horrible feeling...identity lost w/ a twin & now someone w/ her name as well? ahhh

& for girls...when in the movies they practice their name w/ the last name of the guy they hae a crush on...

i don't know what that would feel like...

to suddenly be connie lynn ____fill in the blank____
to think that once you get married you have a different identity than the one you had before you entered...& although that's true...you have to take on new responsibilities..you're not a different person...

& i guess more & more people keep their maiden names...

anyways...i remember having more to say...but i think i lost my train of thought...so that is all...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 6:59 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 24 April 2005 11:55 AM PDT
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a few random things...
1. Beauty & the Beast made me feel better yesterday...i really enjoy the old Disney...i wish i still had the other ones here...things like love & happiness just seem so much easier to grasp in those movies...

2. went to farmer's market today...ok i was wearing just capris & a sweater & some black guy made some sexual comment & i felt uncomfortable the rest of the time i was out...i don't think i've felt so uncomfortable in my own skin in a while...i wasn't even dressed provocatively....oy...i kept pulled down my sweater the rest of the time...i hate that feeling...

3. i haven't done my quote for the day in a while since i've been all pissy...

so...for my ieor 165 class we need to choose groups...at most 3 per group...so we emailed back & forth this morning to figure it out...alex sent out some weird email listing only some of the possibilities (eg, jon, alex & connie, doug, erick or alex, erick & jon, doug, connie, etc) & it was weird cuz he just wrote "..." as if we couldn't figure it out ourselves haha...so jon decided to fix it by sending out a full list of possibilities:

So with 5 people, the possible combinations for one pair and one triple are:

1. AC, DEJ
2. AD, CEJ
3. AE, CDJ
4. AJ, CDE
5. CD, AEJ
6. CE, ADJ
7. CJ, ADE
8. DE, ACJ
9. DJ, ACE
10. EJ, ACD

to which gareth (who already has a group) replied:

To simplify Jon's calcluation, the there are 5 choose 3 (or choose 2)combinations of a pair and a triple. That means 10 groups. :)

to which jamie (who is in gareth's group) replied:

Gareth is a nerd
no offense Garreth... haha

even though I'm not really involved in this I think you guys should go with Group 9... because the first letters of all your names spell out
"DJ ACE"... so on that basis alone, combo #9 is clearly the best


i guess i'm pretty nerdy too cuz i thought it was pretty funny...


4. i finally transferred the futurama rap onto my cell phone for my ringtone...even though it didn't work the night before when i did the same exact thing...freaking technology

i think that's all i have to say for now...have a good weekend all

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:30 PM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 23 April 2005 1:31 PM PDT
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