so i think sometimes i fail to see how selfish most people really are...i mean not anything major but just little subtle things all add up to being quite selfish & for people being a tiny bit selfless seems to be a huge deal that they will bring up again & again....can't they just make it a part of their lives? no people need to live by default selfishly with very infrequent spurts of selflessness
that was kind of a rant w/out being specific
sometimes (emphasizing sometimes haha) i look at relationships/couples & i remember why sometimes it just sucks to be in one....i saw some guy yelling at what i think was his gf on the sidewalk she was just mumbling retorts...& sometimes i hear friends or acquintances on the phone w/ their significant other & i think to myself gawd i hope i'm not like that....it's almost like you revert to an immature stage...it's very weird...a babier voice, more whining, more insecurity, more petty bickering....it just really grosses me sometimes...
so...i've been meaning to write an entry about religion for a while but i also do NOT wish to offend anyone...not that i have anything truly offensive to say. actually i don't have anything offensive to say...but i guess i just don't know how sensitive people are...
so semi recently i've found out that some of my friends are a lot more religious than i ever realized...not that i didn't know people were but to me it's sort of like a secret life i just don't know about or something because i never really talk about religion with people in general...
i have to say i was kind of surprised...
i find nothing wrong with being religious at all
it's just i didn't know those particular people were
but...although i am sort of cynical at times i do believe in a higher being because in the end i am sort of a spiritual person...
so my history with religion....
when i was really little my dad was quite christian so i went to church every week...i remember some things but not that much
then i moved to saratoga & my grandma had to watch me a lot because my dad was starting a company & my mom was always travelling to lecture for her books & what not & my grandma was very religious as well so i went with her a church every week
this went on until about end of elementary or middle school when my grandma had to move back to LA to take care of my pregnant aunt
i stopped going
the church moved closer & i went one time in high school but i felt so uncomfortable because my mom did not go with me...i felt kind of out of place
i never went back since...
& it's interesting that i went when i was young but i don't particularly feel the need now because of my pattern i'd think that i'd have quite the bond with religion even if it was because of past memories...
my aunts in LA & their families have become very religious within the past few years & i guess i can understand why...
i was telling chanda that personally i might even bring up my children going to church & such simply because it's a set of values...& it is a social thing for them as well...
i guess my views of religion have also been molded by the people i have seen that ARE religious & it makes me quite cynical
i have seen sooo many people that claim to be super religious that are absolutely horrible people...maybe even the more religious the more bad they are....
for example:
this guy i know...goes to church every week super involved in those activities yet he gets high & drunk all the time & has sex with plenty of girls
another girl...she used to have jesus freak written on her shoes...she always talked about church & the people she knew...yet she was a complete slut & she was an overally bad person...i don't even think she has any friends left in high school cuz everyone eventually got soo sick of her...she would say things to me like "i don't get why you waste time making flashcards connie you try so hard & in the end you probably get the same grades as us" (except not! haha) or she'd spread rumors & gossip & she said shit behind her "friends" backs all the time...plus she dropped out of college i think cuz of all her romping around...(& there were ironically plenty of rumors about that haha)oh yea another thing i remember her saying when we all had a fight with her (oh yea teenage drama) "i'm so much higher on the social ladder than most" (total "mean girls" style)
this other person i know...is actually my mom's friend....granted i don't know her that well but supposedly she is very very buddhist..she has a whole meditation room thing going....but she is constantly wishing ill will upon people but if she has back pain or something she'll say "oh the gods are putting more responsibility upon me & that's why my back hurts" which could basically be reversed in meaning as well...
ok i know i didn't give the best examples but you have to remember that i try to suppress bad things in my memory..or not even suppress they just disappear after a certain amount of time...so i can't remember specifics...
ok ok...so what's the freaking point?
at least for me...
being a nice/good person is all that matters
what i mean is...
if you are truly a good person...i feel like it should not matter if you ARE religious or not...because int he end you are affecting all those around you positively & that's what life is about...
i guess what really bothers me is that people seem to think that religion is there...& your actions are separate & even if you do act out of line religion has your back....
your sins can be forgiven
not that i don't want people to dwell on their past actions....not what i want at all...
but....there is a choice in the beginning to have taken the right action...
i mean...i know this can sometimes just be a matter of intelligence or what not...
but i don't know...sometimes i just feel like people use it as an excuse
i told my mom the whole thing about being a good person & she said that people that do go to church go because then they are "saved" & that they will go to heaven & such...
once again going back to topic one...selfishness
do we ever do anything that IS NOT selfish?
eh that was my rant-ish
just be a good person
so i've been hanging out with random people that aren't in school or don't go to berkeley etc
& i can just look at them & see that they are the type to fall in love very easily...(not that there is anything wrong with this) they simply go with the flow & just fall for people....& follow their nose to attraction
it occurred to me that no one at berkeley i know is like that...granted i don't know THAT many people but i know a decent number & not a single one of them is like that...maybe i don't get to see that side of them...or something...but sometimes i wonder if we're all to "logical" or "systematic" in our thinking to just do that...to just follow our hearts?
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 5:38 PM PST
Updated: Thursday, 10 March 2005 10:32 PM PST
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Updated: Thursday, 10 March 2005 10:32 PM PST
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