i don't really understand why i always seem to find myself in the position of needing to be a "saint" i have to forgive & forget...i have to deal with people's crap & pissy moods & i'm suppose to do all this with a smile & in a gracious manner as if this is ok...
i mean nothing major has happened to make me write this...but i realize again once in a while that i do that so much...
people talk to me as if they can take their anger out on me & this is ok...
& you know what? yes i do put up with it..cuz i'm nice enough to...but that doesn't make it ok....& if i were anyone else i'd be yelling at you by now...
multiple people in recent days has triggered this...so yea...
another random thing...
when i ask people if they are ok or if things are going alright...i don't just say that crap superficially i usually say it because it seems as if it needs to be asked...you're either being rather rude/bitchy/a butt or you just seem really down...don't sit there & look at me as if i'm stupid when i ask...& respond w/ a defensive "NO why??" gawd i'm just looking out for you ok?....rawr rawr...this only proves to me more that someting is wrong....& now you're just not sharing
i realized that i never seem to impose this burden as much on others....what i mean is...ok yes i get pissy (oh shuddup if you're a guy & thinking oh once a month cuz for your info i don't get pissy those times of the month anyways) so yes i get pissy but i either internalize or i rant or i just plain tell you i'm in a bad mood...i don't really go around bringing people's day down...i found a lot of my friends do that...they go around ruining other people's days & i can't stand that..the world does NOT revolove around you...so what if you're pissy...just contain it & move on with your life...it's not a big deal....yea sometimes i am a bit more direct when i'm biotchy as in i will flat out say i'm really stressed & busy i will talk to you later...i don't put on some...guilt trip as if by talking to them they are also ruining my life or something (extreme eg, "hey" "what do you want?") oh & trust me say something nice in a "what do you want" tone is exactly the same freaking thing
anyways...i just needed to let that out cuz i don't think people realize how underappreciated i am hmph! hahah.....
oh yea i'm not equating myself to a saint:P
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 11:23 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 27 April 2005 1:55 PM PDT
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Updated: Wednesday, 27 April 2005 1:55 PM PDT
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