Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
 
C is for...candor
« April 2005 »
S M T W T F S
1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
Entries by Topic
All topics  «
Blog Tools
Edit your Blog
Build a Blog
View Profile
You are not logged in. Log in
Sunday, 17 April 2005
dreams
i haven't had a dream in a while worth talking about...

oh yea cept that weird one about the pope's death...

some guy tried to rob us but somehow we convinced him that we should watch who would be appointed the next pope before he decides if he needs to rob/kill us...so we all sat there watching the television...& i think the dream ended when the appointed person was like dogma style cartoon jesus

anyways that was unrelated to my dream from last night...

this was a dream from the morning cuz i tend to remember dreams more if i wake up sleepy & then head back to sleep...

i was at some party...with dancing...i think i came with a date but he was no where to be seen or else he was always busy...everytime a slow song came on...i stood in the middle of the dance floor, looked around & realized there was no one to dance with...i walked off to the side to make room for other couples...i guess in the dream i really really liked my date a lot...i remember him being very attractive but no one i knew i real life...in my mind i had made this out to be the night where something was going to happen...eg, somewhat let him know i liked him....after a while the lights dimmed & a slow song came on again...& for some reason i knew it was the last song of the night...i looked around again & i saw him on the edge of the dancefloor dancing w/ a younger (like middle school) girl w/ coke bottle glasses & pigtails & she was dancing as if it was a fast song & she was all over the place...& he just politely danced with her....& in my head i was like "ok this is it" i walked over & asked if i could have this dance...the girl got so mad at me...& he said i'm really sorry but she's my date & i DID dance with you the previous dance...so reluctantly the girl left...he hugged me from behind with one arm & i had a smile i could not take off my face...& i was giggling...then he did a weird dramatic dip & kissed me...i was very taken aback...but i was very happy....(it was kind of like "a lot like love"'s new year kiss not that i'm endorsing that movie cuz it kinda sucked)

i used to have the randomest dreams that probably meant nothing...but as i grow older my dreams seem to be more & more realistic (minus the pope one hahah) & well there seems to be more direct meaning...

i'm not sure if they display my most inner desires i want for myself or are they just referring to other things....

but through my dreams you could probably understand me a lot...

though strangely i've never dreamt about cooking much...or card making or any of that stuff for that matter...i guess it's never a source of stress for me though...

recently i've been thinking about this one dream i had when it was nearing the end of dom & my relationship...& i think i've talked about it before but i will remention it because otherwise it will keep swimming in my head & i don't want that...i'd rather just let it out...

so...i forget if i've talked about what i'm about to say here recently or if it's just been in my head a lot & i haven't actually written it...

you know when people say "i'm so happy for you" it's always a polite saying...& most people don't actually mean it...they just say it for the sake of saying it...& to sound nice, of course...

& i realize more & more...when i say it i mean it...

especially if it is a good friend or a loved one...

or like i'll say "i'm so excited for you"

i genuinely genuinely mean it..there is no sarcasm & there is no spite or bitterness...& it's not just cuz it sounds nice...

i think i've always been able to detach myself from the jealous state to genuinely mean something like that

the best example is...

people always pursue & pursue a love they cannot have...& when they find out that person is with someone else & they are very happy...the pursuer gets incredibly angry....& he/she say with a touch of spite "well i'm happy for you" just to seem diplomatic...

no one ever means that...

but i guess this dream proves that i really do when i say that...

when you care about someone a lot...you know when to let go....

you know when to throw in the towel & you know when to just say "he/she obviously happier with someone else...so why try to change that" you suck in your pride a bit & the pain to understand that if you truly care, you want what is best for him/her...& i with time you will realize this trickles down to you as well...(if you two were together & he/she was not happy what kind of relationship is that)

so after that long buildup here is my dream...

it started with me planning a wedding...i was dressed up in a businessy suit & i was running around the reception area making sure the favors were perfect (they were glass ornaments with things inside that i think i had made for them) i was making sure everything was in order...
out came the groom...& it was dominic..i think my heart cringed
he checked with me to see if everything was in order
he left & out came the bride...it was "her"
she was super bitchy to me...she was yelling at me for something...i was just trying to stay calm...she said something about the favors not being perfect & there weren't enough...so she told me to go make more
i said there were no more materials so she told me to go buy more...
i went to a michael's like store & it was not open yet so i waited outside til it opened...i picked up some more materials & rushed back to the reception site
i think i finished setting up...
i don't really remember but i think i either said or to thought to myself...i'm really happy for him...& i want everything to be perfect not necessarily for her but for him...i want this to be memorable for him....

& then i woke up

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:28 PM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink | Share This Post

Sunday, 17 April 2005 - 10:11 PM PDT

Name: Di

the paragraph that starts with throwing in the towel.. i like it.. well put. :o)

oh yea.. I guess we do have diff. opinion about other people looking at our hw.. haha... :oP

View Latest Entries