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C is for...candor
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Monday, 28 March 2005
happiness
so i will preface this entry by saying that this entry will sound like i'm bragging but i don't really care haha...so if you don't feel like reading on so be it:) love you nonetheless

*pause*"you look pretty today"

"so is this a permanent thing or temporary"
me: "why"
(i'm sure this was kiddingly or to not make me feel bad) "cuz i like it so i want to make sure it stays"

"gee you look all fancy"

etc

weird how much attention can be mustered by chopping off my hair

kinda feels nice but then it reminds me how much emphasis is placed on appearance again...not going to go into it cuz at this pt in my life i don't really care haha

so i am feeling better from the food poisioning but my stomach is still super weak..it makes strange noises i have no control over & i have to lie down a lot after i eat

"your dad said you seemed a lot happier since you got that job"

i really am...

"you were always meant more for the working world"

my mom had said on the phone tonight...
i knew this too....i had always said...if they just gave me that chance i'd prove that i could do everything really well...probably better than i could ever show it at school...granted i'm not doing "rocket science" but i'm just better when it comes to the real world..maybe because all of a sudden the rest of me is useful...that i can read people well that i can learn pretty fast...etc

the moment i stepped into the office for my interview i just wanted to work...i had an itching for it...it's weird to explain...i guess i just really want to feel useful...in a way that could be put down on paper (what i mean is you can fully see the work i accomplish after i'm done)

this job is a complete 180 from my other job(s)...for one they are completely nice & respectful & the schedule is so flexible i don't feel watched or stressed & i don't worry about it the second i step out of the office (i don't know if it's the work that does that or my state of mind nowadays) i truly see everything in my ieor171 class coming to life in this office...it's the good example & my past experience is the bad example.....my new boss (andy) is very good at motivating the employees...every interaction i have had with him is good...he tells me what i need to do & if i need help he has all the patience in the world...i couldn't ask for a better situation...even when he's stressed he is very calm...he constantly comes by to say what a great job i'm doing & how smart i am...i had to wait for when i was quitting to hear that stuff from farooq...i'm not saying that i need to hear these things to be motivated since i'm pretty good at making myself do that at work already but it doesn't hurt & it's always a pleasure to be appreciated...nothing is worse than breaking your back to do your best & then having it go unnoticed or unappreciated...

anyways...so i've been studying for PG&E interview (this will sounds really weird & like i'm complaining about a freaking lame situation) but i'm afraid of getting it but i'm also afraid of feeling like i didn't give it my all to get it...what i mean is...i really love work right now & i can't bear to have to tell them that i need to leave but at the same time at PG&E i have somewhere to advance to & it is a bigger company name...i don't know...i'm eligible for 2 positions at PG&E so so far i've decided that if they offered me this certain one i won't say yes & if it's the other then i might say yes...i don't know i will take it as it comes...

oh yea on another note it's funny that i thought my spring break wasn't all that relaxing because i really did clear my mind of all things bad/toxic that was a huge ball in me before that i kind of just forgot about....so in the end i am happy....it was a good break:)....i feel refreshed to be back

when in monterey i bought a bracelet that was actually sup'd to be religious..it was some sort of prayer box that you write on paper a prayer & you put it in the box...but i couldn't resist because the box was very very cute...so i put a paper in it that i wrote on both sides of...with my wish for myself....it's a secret...but it's pretty general & i hope that i find it in life eventually...& i remember i told chanda that when i wear my gold cross necklace sometimes that my grandma gave me for my 16th birthday i wear it not really for religious reasons but simply because well 1, my grandma gave it to me(sort of like when i asked harm why he had a picture of the virgin mary in his car & he said it was simply for the reason that his grandma gave it to him)..it was something she promised to me since i was little & we were very very close & 2, i think of it as having faith in myself (i know that sounds very corny) but i really believe that if you have faith & you believe (in my case in myself) that you can do anything....it's not even a matter of psychological whatever it's the truth...i KNOW if i want it i can get it...so that's what i think about this little bracelet as well. if i have faith in myself i will achieve the goals i have placed inside....(well at least one side of it haha...no you can't know i didn't even tell chanda)

everytime i discuss happiness i remember that dream i had one time in which i screamed to an angry old couple that "happiness was relative"....happiness was what you made it....you could be happy at any point in life...i know people do not want to hear it but often times then not YOU are what is standing int he way of your happiness....i'm not saying you are to blame please don't get all angry at me...what i'm saying is happiness is a state of mind that you need to achieve....i'm not saying it's easy by any means...i'm just stating...

btw i love futurama haha

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 10:31 PM PST
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Tuesday, 29 March 2005 - 3:02 PM PST

Name: Jeremy Morris

Hey, I have faith in you too!

Jxxx

Tuesday, 29 March 2005 - 3:03 PM PST

Name: Jeremy

Hey, I have faith in you too!

Jxxx

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