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C is for...candor
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Thursday, 17 March 2005
for future reference
look at the time...& already i've been awake for over 2 hrs..having slept at 1:30-2ish...
a midterm at 8am
i know i know connie's just complaining again
but yesterday night was the most stressed i've been in a long long time...
i know i always complain about all the things worrying me
but yesterday was an alltime low feeling
i felt like i couldn't understand anything..i spent hrs reading the textbook & barely anything sunk in...i was completely unable to focus even though tv & music were off...
i literally wanted to curl up into an emotional ball & cry...or scream...or something
i am much better this morning...my head is surprisingly clear
though the sleep felt like 10 minutes
things are finally making sense
see the thing is i did hw fine...i got it then i dunno why suddenly is was out of my grasp last night...
i really needed to get a grip
i also need to not let emotions affect me when i need to study...
i bet i was just dreaming up scenarios anyways
it's the paranoia in me
that's what happens when you lose trust
maybe it's good that this is happening right before spring break cuz then i will actually truly cherish my time off...
saturday i will be getting my hair done w/ chandies & then we'll be off to monterey...& we'll have a blast...i'll take lots & lots of pictures
i'll getta spend time with the fam which i'm very excited about too...i miss them more than ever

plus as of the phone call i got yesterday morning...things are looking up...i was estatic at the time...

things will/are getting better...just hang in there connie

i guess i really need to be thankful of chanda these past few days..i know i have been annoying as hell...cuz i keep repeating the same things going on in my head...when she called this morning/last night i even started to tear up with frustration...

tears of frustration are worse than tears of any other emotion...they are uncontrollable & you don't feel any better after...they aren't a catharsis of any sort...they just happen

anyways...wish me luck...
i already decided, for my own health & sleep deprivation of the past gawd i don't even know when (i haven't slept w/out an alarm set for a looooong time) i will come home right after the midterm & go to bed...alarm still set but only to wake up to have fun...dinner with chanders hopefully...haha i realized she totally sounds like my bf or something or vice versa....eh whatever...

have a good day everyone

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 6:21 AM PST
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