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C is for...candor
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Wednesday, 16 March 2005
in contrast to yesterday
i feel pretty shitty

i know it's a combo of lots of random things...

-lack of sleep (too much studying)
-midterm III for the week coming up (wah using a cheat sheet takes 10% offa your grade)
-frustration (from a lot of things...)
-realization that certain things i long for will just never happen (*sigh* for a moment i had hope)
-failed coconut ice cream (i hate wasting food & i had it envisioned perfectly in my mind)
-student in lab touching his face after cutting thai chiles (i know all the blaming was in good fun kinda but it just really gets to me...i'm not sure why...maybe it makes me think i'm a bad "teacher" but i DID tell them to wash their hands)
-too much to do too little time
-realized that maybe people i want to be associated with don't want to be associated with me
-wine is still better/yummier than beer...but i still don't love alcohol unless it's in food...plus the nutrition lecture given by dini today in resistance training was all i could think about "alcohol is 7 calories per gram(?)...empty calories" as opposed to 4 cals in carbs & proteins...fat is like 9...ugggh...whatever at least in my lazyass state i am still able to finish core

*sigh*
i know..there's nothing really to complain about...but i think the realizations really really really got to me...it just made me feel soo shitty...i almost felt like i was in high school again...all i was worth was a couple of cookies sometimes...

i hate this feeling

i know i'm not the most entertaining person all the time but i'd like to think i have more of a personality than most...so what's wrong with me?

this is messing with my calibration

i really thought i had gotten to a point at which i didn't care...

i mean i don't as much as i used to...but it still kinda hurts

i don't want to be a leech

recently i've really wanted to have someone to call & i realize there is no one i really want to call...chanda has been so busy...& sometimes i know she gets bored with me just like i do w/ her...i'm supposedly still "mad" at adam...& chris...time difference...plus he seems so overworked...& i don't know (if you're reading this chris don't be offended...we're just at different places in life...cuz i can't seem to understand where you are since i haven't reached that pt yet) i just feel like we haven't connected like we used to...dom oy don't even need to go there...

suddenly i feel really alone

i haven't felt this way in a long time & now i don't know what to do with myself..i was getting too comfortable with being content...& now it's slapping me across the face

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:16 AM PST
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