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C is for...candor
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Tuesday, 15 March 2005
i live for moments like these
ok i definitely just finished writing & i accidentally reloaded the page hahha...

i will try my best to remember...

i will not go into the moments to which my title refers cuz they're secret:)

i've been on a natural high all day...& that's pretty amazing considering the long day i've had...

woke up at 6ish, studied half asleep, class - guest lecturer from stanford, as erick put it & i thought during: "if all stanford lectures are like this, i'm soo glad i went to berkeley," break to cram, mm dosido, midterm I, food, lab to study, researched for "lecture" in decal at night, midterm II, home, decal, "lecture" etc...

hmm...i had a little rant but i kinda forget it

moments remind me that i've lived...
thousands of photo clear moments constantly act themselves out in my head (the wizards on the cards style like in harry potter)
it's almost like a little secret you have with the person that i've made the moment with...only you two (or group etc) remembers & cherishs that moment with you & will smile just as much or laugh just as hard when it's brought up...

they are the little things that make me feel like everything i've done has been worth it

thank you everyone that adds to my memories:)
you are loved

i was going to end but as i was last minute studying for midterm II my mind wandered & suddenly a bunch of my childhood memories were very very clear...i will note them here:

* when i was still living in BH, whenever i heard my dad coming home i'd run to the doorway (which had the laundry/dryer in front of) & i'd stand against the dryer w/ my arms wide open, so when he opened the door i was ready for a hug

* spending the whole day sitting on the trunk of our car w/ the garage open reading archie comics as my mom freaked out cuz she couldn't find me

* the day my mom left me at the library cuz it had closed early...i sat there picking at the yellow-green leaves of the shrub pretending to be busy...i had finally mustered the courage to start walking home (i was like 4 yrs old & the library was quite a bit away) i saw my mom's car coming towards me i ran to the car & as i opened the door i burst into tears

* taking the school tree home w/ diana & mom...decorating..the tree was too tall to fit in the high ceiling living room at the time...i stuck the snowman at the top

* my cousins & i all throwing the soda can into the recycling bin simultaneously because we thought it was so cool to recycle

* my brother making me ride the bike that was too small for me because it had a basket to bring the snacks we'd buy at the nearby hot dog usa & liquor store...my knees would hit the handle bars & hurt

* the police following me home...my mom always made me walk to the mailbox to drop off mail (a block away) & the police thought i was lost & when i said i wasn't he wouldn't believe me so he followed me in his car

* me getting into trouble w/ police again because i didn't have my seatbelt on (i stood up when we turned into the driveway)..i burst into tears (i was like 2-3) & he let it go...

* the liquor store clerks loving me...they "rode" my bike into the store & gave me a brownie(i remember it was a 10 cent brownie) or letting them...they let it pass when i wanted a drumstick & my brother didn't have enough money...

* when i was at my cousins & we dug up this seagull squeaky toy & we "got sad" but kinda fakely because we did not really understand the concept of death at the time...we just knew it was not good

* the night my grandpa died & we drove to my cousins...i slept with my cousins on the sofabed...we didn't understand...i heard my mom & aunt crying in the dark as i fell asleep

* me pulling a kumquat off of our backyard tree..pretending to be brave..i tried eating the whole fruit & i spit it out further back

* sitting in what i remember to be a huge room of my toys in a separate room out back...(i went back years later & it was a lot smaller than i remember)

* was at the jungle gym at church & the boy that was going ot be the ring bearer at the wedding to which i was to be the flower girl...he shook the whole jumgle gym & i remember thinking he was very annoying...i was like 3

* my first crush ever...in prekindergarten

* sitting on the marble table in the backyard as my mom picked figs from out tree & peeled them & fed them to me as i sat there...

* filling the small dip of concrete under the huge lemon tree with water & stooping in it barefoot..having a blast

* the moment i accidentally slammed the door on my cousin's hand...holding a barbie in the other hand

* on a trip to the post office, a guy on a bike dropped a $1 & then pretended that it wasn't his & asked if it was mine...i said no & walked away but after he rode off i snatch the dollar & i ran to my room & stuck it in my tennis ball container of money that was hidden between my bed & the wall at the time

* when santa gave me a stuffed christmas mouse & a mechanical pencil

* the moment when my brother told me santa did not exist




& i can go on & on....(this was more for me...to trigger things in my mind)...

i guess the only thing i can prove w/ these random moments is that moments do not have to only be good...at least for me...

but the title moments ARE good hee
i smile even at the thoughts.....:)

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:03 AM PST
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