so this is just a random tidbit i thought about last night when i was writing the last entry but it was off topic so i waited & ended up forgetting to put it in at all...
so...
i remember around sophomore or freshman year of college i realized that it was not just my mother that caused my low self esteem & confidence in myself...i know that i feed into it so it is just as much my fault in ways but...in relation to what i was talking about before...getting hit on being such a compliment
i remember when i still kept in touch w/ all my hs girlfriends even the ones i was not THAT close to...when i told them about these incidences...because i guess they were somewhat new to me...in high school the guys involved w/ the girls in our group did not change very much...so this was all very new to me...anyways i would tell them these incidences & every single time...every single one of them would give excuses as to why i was wrong & when i'd say something to prove them wrong they'd just give me a "whatever" comment & then i would doubt myself & think maybe i AM wrong...maybe i was thinking too big headed-ly...
eg, i remember freshman yr this guy working at noah's was very blatantly hitting on me offering me drinks for free etc...& i was soo confused at the time...& so at first i just assumed he was nice to everyone but then the girl right behind me which i thought was very cute did not get the same treatment & i though hmm, weird....
so naturally this boosted my self esteem at the time...i told a hs friend & she said...maybe he just thought you were thirsty...or maybe he didn't want you to see him acting the same towards the other girl otherwise it would discredit him so he was waiting for you to leave...& i thought hmm yea i guess maybe....but now i think about it & i was like you fucker this is why i hate girls....that is such a big stretch & yea it's possible...but really was it necessary to "what if" it to the ground....as if it's impossible that someone could possibly find connie attractive....
not that i'm saying i'm that at all
but this is entirely why i hate girls & when i look back on it i hated hs so much....it's such bullshit a real friend would just leave it at that...happy to have heard the story cuz it's an interesting story but a friend that is constantly looking to compete/compare & put you down does what my "friend" did....& it was more than one friend! & it was regarding different incidences....that just pisses me off...
[insert stories about hs drama]
i deleted it because i really don't know who reads this & i don't feel like dealing with the "consequences"
i'm glad that all that high school drama is past me...in fact i'm glad i don't have drama in my life right now...i read a really really old entry that i had in a secret place & i wrote how i love boredom better than not because at least in boredom there is no drama...but i guess drama is a man-made phenomenon anyways...
another random thing...i wonder how many people read this blog that i don't know about or know at all for that matter...cuz i know i read the ones of people i barely know sometimes just cuz it's kinda fun to figure it out...*shrug*
i need to study...3 midterms next week
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 3:55 PM PST
Updated: Sunday, 13 March 2005 12:30 AM PST
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Updated: Sunday, 13 March 2005 12:30 AM PST
Post Comment | Permalink | Share This Post