so i know i've been talking a lot about how i love the way i am now....the place my mind is in....how things phase me less & i'm just a lot more carefree...
but i had noticed that whenever i interacted with people of my past mainly guys or people i don't talk to as much anymore...i reverted back to the way i was when i was when we were closer or whatever
eg, i always knew that when i was with high school friends that i was not close to now i'd revert back to this super quiet just observant & overly nice girl....the way i was back then...
but besides that...with ex's or people that i used to date i tend to get easily annoyed with their quirks just like i did back then...but things like that normally wouldn't phase me now...well maybe it's just cuz they had left me with a poor impression so anything they do pisses me off....& maybe it IS them & their quirk really IS just annoying....
but i think i've found the main reason why...tonight
i know, personally, i am always trying to reach some sort of higher level of perfection...& if not that at least my mentality is becoming more & more mature....i know that for a fact
but...they on the other hand have stayed the same....exactly the same....maybe it's my anger at their wasting away their life & not bettering themselves to their potential (cuz based on my personality type i tend to see the potential in people or something) or maybe it's just that i was able to put up with it then but it was things like that that held me back & moving on has made me into what i am now...
eg, a person tonight that i confronted with something that i was annoyed with...first he tried to guilt trip me or make me feel like i was saying something stupid even though he claimed he wasn't...trust me i've been through the worst of your shit kid don't try to bs me...i KNOW why you say certain things....& then he went into a lapse of being depressed....& i know what it's like to go through depression....but i swear it felt like deja vu i felt like i had heard it all before...but that was over a year ago...my response then were things like "don't say things like that" & feel a lot of sympathy....but this time...i just flat out said "stop that shit" cuz you know what? he's very very capable of putting himself in a better place...he is a very very deep person & he is a thinker....so was i....i pulled myself out of it...i know he can too....i'm not saying i don't have sympathy for people with depression because i know how useless things people say are when you are actually in it....but i guess for me...like a lot of people trusted themselves to get out of this state......
i know i'm lucky enough to have "figured it out" on my own...cuz most people can't...but i really suggest going to seek help if you are in such a state...granted i have heard some stories about bad experiences with professional help but it does not hurt to try....there has to be good people out there that truly want to help you...
anyways that wasn't the point of this entry...haha cuz it has to be about me....jk:P
that was about it...
i'm going to a food fair type thing this weekend...we'll see how that goes...