so i went home this long weekend and as i tried to do hw i started rummaging through the drawers of my old desk as i always do...
i started looking through my files which i hadn't done in a long time...there were things that were of my past that were soo important to me...
getting into that john's hopkins gifted youth program, volunteering at the hospital, etc...
& then i came across medical files..
one was a folder from a little talk my mom dragged me to when i was young...it was about kids that were overweight...i remember thinking that i looked around & people were in a much unhealthier condition than i was but i just accepted myself as one of them even though i clearly was not...now when i look back on that...that must have been so traumatizing...to have your mom take you to a talk about seriously obese kids when i was at most chubby...but what caught my eye wasn't all this crap about "eating right" it was a simple paper on which we were suppose to write 5 things we did not like about ourselves & 10 things we did...under the bad i wrote (in this order):
1. fat
2. spend too much money
3. not pretty
4. not tall enough
5. (blank)
under the good were a bunch of generic crap like organized, nice, like to read, etc...
i was blow away...i flat out said out loud "oh my gosh what IS this!"
yes i understand the exercise was to understand our weakness & the 10 of the good were suppose to cancel out the sting of the 5 bad...& yea i couldn't think of the 5th bad but those 4 were enough to get me angry at how i was raised & my thoughts back then....
3 out of the 4 things were all physical traits...that pissed me off....to have been brought up to hate the way i looked in every way? what kindof life is that! i'm not saying i don't care but i should've not cared enough to put them on a list as my weaknesses...i'm no beauty but i'm not ugly....& the crap i wrote down for my "strengths"..oy....
so at almost 21 years of age i will redo that sheet of paper on here...with REAL weaknesses & REAL strengths
5 things i don't like about myself:
1. my tendency to be overly nice
2. sometimes putting too much emphasis on physical appearance/relationships with others
3. my ever renewing faith in people even those that don't deserve it
4. getting too stressed too easily by certain things
5. my occasional lack of motivation
10 things i like about myself:
1. quickness in recooperation
2. how i can get lost into my thoughts & others can think of me as full of layers
3. my ability to work with my hands
4. my love of cooking
5. my close friends & being able to be a good friend to others
6. i'm smart (in difference aspects of life not just referring to academics which i'm no longer super strong haha)
7. curiousity for life & desire to search for a deeper meaning of it all
8. how i can get excited about a lot of things
9. the chameleon in me
10. i can achieve anything as long as i want it enough